The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Roar87 said:
It's a chit test. You basically just need to be like "cool no worries, well let me know if you want to hang out in the future" and leave it at that. Be non-chalant about it and don't show any signs that you care or are bothered by her apparant change of heart. If you do this she'll most likely keep showing you interest and you can arrange to meet up.

It's important to understand all women do things like this and you need to know how to react in these situations for your relationship with her to progress. I've had women go from what you're experiencing to relationships and sleeping with them
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Exactly this. Basically it's like asking a loaded question to see if you're hooked.

When this has happened to me I usually tell them that I understand their situation but I can't out my life on hold and will look to date others. Most of them change their tune very quickly but ultimately situations like this don't lead to a lasting relationship.
 
Think mine is a tiny bit closer to being over.
The last few days the mood swings have increased

I think I'm nearer accepting this scenario than I was a month ago

She's gone for a drive as of Just now
 
Fuzz said:
Well now you have a few hours to change the locks :D
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haha she is back and calmer. this erratic behaviour is very very hard for me personally.
She can switch very quickly.
I personally think she wants out but either
-cant face it
-doesnt realise it
 
al4x said:
haha she is back and calmer. this erratic behaviour is very very hard for me personally.
She can switch very quickly.
I personally think she wants out but either
-cant face it
-doesnt realise it
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Or shes waiting for you to end it so she blame you. And make you look like the bad guy in front of her friends and family.
 
malachi said:
Or shes waiting for you to end it so she blame you. And make you look like the bad guy in front of her friends and family.
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Yeah I had thought of that one myself.

I've said to her.. I want her to be happy, if she wants to go she should but she has to make that decision
 
Unicorn said:
Hope it goes well for you Vidar shes a real piece of work as displayed in previous threads

Urgh facing my own issue's atm not bad ones which are going to go badly though but about proposing. How and were being my issues
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About two months ago I popped the question. I done it in the flat on the sofa. I waited for her to make dinner and do the dishes first however.

While that may sound crazy it's what she wanted. Nothing crazy or public.
 
Sod it, I never post things like this but this is doing my head in.

I went on 4 dates with this girl. We got on really well, all going swimmingly etc. We'd been messaging each other on and off as well (not ridiculously, but once or twice a day), and were discussing meeting up this week. We agreed on Wednesday, and she messaged me on Monday asking how my weekend was, whether Wednesday was still good etc. I replied saying it sounded like fun (she didn't respond), then messaged her on Wednesday to let her know roughly when I'd be out of work and that I was looking forward to seeing her. I haven't heard from her since.

I've been seeing girls before where it's slowly petered out, and you can normally feel it happening. But this literally went from hot to cold inside 24 hours, and I've no idea how or why.

So anyway, what do I do now? She might just have been having a really bad day Wednesday, and not felt like getting back in touch. I know she was busy last night, so she may simply not have had the chance to message me back and might be waiting for me to contact her. But I feel like that is clutching at straws.

I don't feel like I'm losing too much - she's an awesome girl, but is moving abroad in January, so it wasn't a long term thing anyway. However, I really want to know what on earth happened.
 
manic111 said:
Sod it, I never post things like this but this is doing my head in.

I went on 4 dates with this girl. We got on really well, all going swimmingly etc. We'd been messaging each other on and off as well (not ridiculously, but once or twice a day), and were discussing meeting up this week. We agreed on Wednesday, and she messaged me on Monday asking how my weekend was, whether Wednesday was still good etc. I replied saying it sounded like fun (she didn't respond), then messaged her on Wednesday to let her know roughly when I'd be out of work and that I was looking forward to seeing her. I haven't heard from her since.

I've been seeing girls before where it's slowly petered out, and you can normally feel it happening. But this literally went from hot to cold inside 24 hours, and I've no idea how or why.

So anyway, what do I do now? She might just have been having a really bad day Wednesday, and not felt like getting back in touch. I know she was busy last night, so she may simply not have had the chance to message me back and might be waiting for me to contact her. But I feel like that is clutching at straws.

I don't feel like I'm losing too much - she's an awesome girl, but is moving abroad in January, so it wasn't a long term thing anyway. However, I really want to know what on earth happened.
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Unless she gets in contact, then that's it now, don't bother with her. Forget her and move on.
 
4 dates.... No more contact from you then unless she does first.

If she leaves it more than a week before contacting you then any reply should be "Who is this and how did you get my number" followed by a swift BLOCK.
 
Aye. Onus is on her manic111.

Could be any reason she's gone cold. Likely she has someone else on the go and is weighing her options. Or could be she dropped her phone in the bath, who knows. No point fretting, you've done your part!
 
Meet friend's friend, find friend gorgeous, get on well and chat all night, find out she is moving to Oz in 3 weeks.

LAME!
 
krooton said:
Meet friend's friend, find friend gorgeous, get on well and chat all night, find out she is moving to Oz in 3 weeks.

LAME!
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Surely that's a good thing?

Even more reason to spend the next 3 weeks 'making the most of your time together ;)' and gives you the opportunity to go and visit her in Oz and potentially move there for good in the future?
 
Ok, this could end up being a long post, but will try and keep it short and sweet as possible.

Basically, I broke up with my Fiancée back in March, and two girls who were sort of friends to me turned into super friends during the following months, leading to pretty amazing friendships truth be told. So, in July, I was asked by another work colleague to attend his wedding after-party. I went with one of the girls (girl 1) and her then boyfriend.

I basically spent the whole night outside, by myself, talking to the other girl who didn't turn up (girl 2) and having a few casual conversations with people I didn't know. Basically, it was a bit of a **** night. Coming to closing time, the girl who I went with asked me if I would like to get a taxi home with her and him (I live literally a 2 minute walk from their house). So, obviously I agree - keeps the cost down and would be nice to have someone to talk to rather than make small chit chat with a taxi driver.

While we are waiting for the taxi, her boyfriend turns into the douche of the year, saying stuff you would never really say to a piece of crap on the street. Seeing how much this annoyed hurt, I called him out on it - just so he would shut the hell up. Seeing as we were such close friends by this stage, I thought he would've saw I was trying to help him out and nothing else. How wrong I was, basically they broke up and I got the blame for it. She thanked me for it though, as I was the only one who said anything while everyone else who was there just stood and watched and let him do it.

Over the next few months, me and her became even better friends, and I helped her over the hard times you normally get coming out of a long term relationship. Now here is the problem, I have started to develop some pretty deep feelings for her. I told her this, and while she said she felt the same, it was too soon for her. Fair enough.

Now, I have been able to push my feelings aside pretty well for the most part, but now I feel like I am becoming a bit overwhelmed by them - but don't want to tell her, on the chance that she will become a bit freaked out and **** me off. If I can't have a relationship with her, I really don't want to lose the friendship.

So, what the **** should I do?! I really have no idea, I am normally quite good at just going "I can't wait around, see ya later" - but with her, I just can't seem to do that.

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TL:DR Verison - Developing feelings for a friend, scared of scaring her off and losing it all. What do I do?
 
A2Z said:
Surely that's a good thing?

Even more reason to spend the next 3 weeks 'making the most of your time together ;)' and gives you the opportunity to go and visit her in Oz and potentially move there for good in the future?
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Haha, I only met her last night, nothing is going to happen, there isn't any time to even see if anything could come of it as she is manic busy getting her life all sorted for the big move. :p

It's almost like I feel like opening with the line "Hi, you are gorgeous, fun and just my type, so what's your excuse/situation/baggage that is going to make this a no-go?" to anyone I am interested in, as there is always something that gets in the way.
 
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