The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

malachi said:
Did they change location or did you?
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porushinobu said:
and I somehow feel a little better
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Nope, not moved anywhere.

I guess people don't like me very much. The only people I speak to are the people on here, and work colleagues. I don't really class them as friends though.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how to make friends. Never really made any when I have tried in the past, so kind gave up.

Look at me being all whiny and stuff!

porushinobu, i'm glad you feel a bit better. :) Better me than you lol. :p
 
russell664 said:
Nope, not moved anywhere.

I guess people don't like me very much. The only people I speak to are the people on here, and work colleagues. I don't really class them as friends though.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how to make friends. Never really made any when I have tried in the past, so kind gave up.

Look at me being all whiny and stuff!

porushinobu, i'm glad you feel a bit better. :) Better me than you lol. :p
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lol still kinda lonely though. :p
 
russell664 said:
Nope, not moved anywhere.

I guess people don't like me very much. The only people I speak to are the people on here, and work colleagues. I don't really class them as friends though.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know how to make friends. Never really made any when I have tried in the past, so kind gave up.

Look at me being all whiny and stuff!

porushinobu, i'm glad you feel a bit better. :) Better me than you lol. :p
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It's easy to make friends if you have friends.
do you avoid after work outings? you have to force yourself in a position where you will meet people and get to know them.

Got any hobbies? or any hobbies you would be interested in? meetup likely has a group doing activities in your area for people who want to meet new people.

although for my area it's pretty crap about the only things I'd go to are social bike rides, 10-20 miles, cafestop halfway or at the end.

I've also seen people in there 20's on reddit in the subreddit for my city asking if anyone wants to go for a drink because they are bored and don't have many friends.

Without putting in effort you won't make friends


although saying that I don't realy have any friends either, there's only really 2 people I talk to outside of work and one is my ex who usually only contacts me if she wants to borrow some money but I can drop in her house for a chat whenever I like.
TBH I wish I had more friends but being autistic I don't really have the ability to maintain friendships never mind make new ones anything social is a massive struggle for me :|

I get butterflies and anxiety just leaving the house :S try to avoid people as much as possible, only ever go food shopping late at night when I know teh supermarkets will be empty etc :S
Sometimes I ponder the point of my own existence and can not see a reason for it.

I honestly have no idea how I ended up getting married and staying that way for about 10 years.

although my lack of friends is mainly due to moving cities when I did get married, my wife never had many friends either so I didn't really gain any up here.

My parents are always telling me they bump into my old friends in Nottingham and they always ask after me so if I really wanted I could move back and have friends it's not like I'm totally pathetic
 
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Its funny you should mention the work outings, we are having one this Thursday and really am not looking forward to it. But will make the effort to see how it goes. :)

In terms of hobbies, building computers, games, and I like biking (Stunt, but seems to get me in the wrong crowd if you know what I mean...) and driving around places.

I have tried going out for a drink and things like that, but hate the environment altogether. Get all nervous and kinda just want to get out of there. Also having recently spilt with the GF it feels really weird being completely on my own. I found with previous friends, we just grow apart and stop talking as such.

I can relate to the pondering your own existence bit, as a depression sufferer for a year or two sucks lol, but I guess you just get on with it. I personally find reading, thinking about new idea's which I can build helps me feel that I can actually do something and not be a waste of space.

To be fair, as much as I dislike shops, I tend to go about doing some recruitment for the company, but trust me it feels like a super chore! :p

Currently i'm in an admin job, but am looking at moving into sales this year (New start and all that). I have an interview over the telephone later today, but I really don't know if I would have the skill set for it. What kind of attributes would be ideal? I mean if I'm knowledgeable about something, I can say which would be best for someone and why that is. But as said before, I have never worked like that before. Basically the role is an apprentice for a year, while I get trained.
 
russell664 said:
I know this is nothing compared to Arctine is going through, but I sincerely hope you manage to clear some things up :)
You never know mate, time is sometimes a great healer and you never know what is around the corner. For now (as a depression and ocd sufferer myself) it is best to focus on yourself, and your recovery for the time being. I know it probably sounds selfish, but it really isn't because for any relationship you need to be yourself, and no body else.
I can't imagine how you are feeling, but make the best of the situation, as you never know it could work out better than you could ever expect. :)
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Thanks. I'm fully aware that I need to make sure I am happy on my own and that I can be myself before I can pursue a relationship with her or even anyone else. I understand why she can't put up with me anymore but she knows I wasn't myself and she still loves me and knows that I love her. She knows she'll want to see me in May at least to go to this concert so I can't help feeling hopeful that we may patch things up and get back together.

I worry that the hope is what's keeping me afloat at the moment, felt like absolute crap for the past week or so but after seeing her yesterday, I feel a hell of a lot better. I miss her like crazy but need to focus on myself for the time being and she doesn't want to see me anyway so there is no choice in that matter. Such a sad situation.


Threepwood said:
What will be will be.

If you are commited to sorting your mental health out then do it for yourself first and foremost.
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Yeah, I realise that is good advice. It's easier said than done.

Gzero said:
So she knew you weren't yourself yet let you continue behaving badly? :rolleyes:

Focus on yourself completely. No seeing/talking to her, let her pick up her pieces in peace. Do not think you will get back with her EVER other wise you will have another spout of depression to deal with.

Sorry to be soo negative, but you want to recover for yourself first and foremost.
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No, she didn't know I wasn't myself until yesterday. Neither of us realised I had depression until last week after she dumped me.


EddScott said:
You need to move forward on the basis she won't and if your paths cross again and it works then it worked for the right reasons. You can't just try to fix yourself solely so this girl will take you back. However, easier said than done.

I've done something very similar and my ex won't even speak to me. We've been apart for almost 8 weeks and I'm no further forward in getting over her - or getting anywhere near learning to be happy on my own.
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Yeah, that is hard to do when I know she still loves me, know she forgives me, know she understands I wasn't myself and hasn't said we won't get back together in a few months. She's just said she doesn't know how she will feel but knows for the moment, she needs to be alone for a while.

Also, this concert in 5 months time, she sent me a picture of the tickets this morning to remind of the date. She really wants me to go with her and it is confusing the hell out of me.
 
Janesy B said:
When you get married she'll probably withhold sex to manipulate something else out of you, it doesn't sound healthy at all.
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It's a crazy one but us guys are always stereotyped to be the ones demanding and expecting sex, but in actual fact, women are wanting it just as much, if not more.

If she is denying you this very basic and natural thing which is equally desired in a healthy relationship, then something is awry between you, or just with her (or with you? just playing Devil's Advocate here).

That Borderline Personality Disorder thing is very scary though, it sounds very familiar to my new girlfriend ~ just without the anger, self-harming and erratic decisions. She is very changeable, easily anxious and total polar shifts in mood/desire/expectations - almost on a daily basis you can guarantee/expect she will totally change with just the smallest prompt/cue/aggravator.
 
RedvGreen said:
That Borderline Personality Disorder thing is very scary though, it sounds very familiar to my new girlfriend ~ just without the anger, self-harming and erratic decisions. She is very changeable, easily anxious and total polar shifts in mood/desire/expectations - almost on a daily basis you can guarantee/expect she will totally change with just the smallest prompt/cue/aggravator.
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That doesn't mean she's BPD at all. Could be a variety of things, such as other mood disorders or mild depression. It could even be, you know... hormones.

BPD is usually self-diagnosed with a clinician for a reason.
 
Just finished with my girlfriend of ~7 months. Feel like a right bugger though, last few weeks have shown she was starting to get a bit more "involved" with me and she started to get clingy and a bit weird to be honest. Liked her, but wasnt sure If my feelings would ever match hers. Getting the fallout texts now from it and its pretty upsetting knowing she is hurting.
 
I tried to say that a few weeks ago and she agreed then carried on exactly the same. The constant texts of "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" started to get a bit tedious. I must be a heartless sod
 
Jic89 said:
I tried to say that a few weeks ago and she agreed then carried on exactly the same. The constant texts of "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" started to get a bit tedious. I must be a heartless sod
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Depends how frequent they were. Every 30seconds, sure.

Every few hours, not so much :p
 
Glad to say the advice I got here is paying dividends. Very happy at the moment, although it's early days. :)
 
Jic89 said:
Just finished with my girlfriend of ~7 months. Feel like a right bugger though, last few weeks have shown she was starting to get a bit more "involved" with me and she started to get clingy and a bit weird to be honest. Liked her, but wasnt sure If my feelings would ever match hers. Getting the fallout texts now from it and its pretty upsetting knowing she is hurting.
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My recent ex girlfriend was very clingy, jealous if anyone talked to me, and basically a control freak! Even if you slowed it down and ended it, she is still going to hurt at the end of the day. It is inevitable.

I'm sure things will calm down after a few days, it did me anyway.

I got told to go die in a ditch, so it made me see her for what she really was. Had a look in my blocked texts today, and not had one from her! Thank god she is leaving me alone, it was driving me up the wall the constant self harm threats (what she was going to do) and the annoying 5 min texts constantly.

Chin up man. :)
 
Jic89 said:
I tried to say that a few weeks ago and she agreed then carried on exactly the same. The constant texts of "I miss you" and "can't wait to see you" started to get a bit tedious. I must be a heartless sod
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Had these texts from my gf while she was visiting family in Greece over the new years period.

They got slightly tedious but as ci_newman said, every few hours I didn't mind all that much. She said we needed to talk because I wasn't talking to her as much as I usually do and she felt something was wrong, but I explained that when shes away i'm not going to sit there staring at my phone all day and i'm gonna be doing my own things while shes away (gaming, seeing friends etc). I would rather have her like this than the other way though :)

With regards to contact with ex's my one from this time last year went quite smoothly, deleted her and her family of facebook and deleted her number, only had to contact her once about some money and that was the last time we spoke, saw her once at a tesco but just ignored her and carried on with my day. My mother has only recently just deleted her and her family of facebook, reason being "oh its unfair that she still see's photo's and updates of you on holiday etc" :rolleyes:
 
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