The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Witor said:
Mags, this has crossed my mind more than a couple of times.. I'm at that stage where I'm embarrassed thinking about the notion of counselling, like I should be able to resolve this together. Much more of this and I may think of that option deeper, primarily for both of us, but if necessary for myself.
Click to expand...

For clarity, I meant have you (=you both) considered counselling together and I'd disagree that considering ways of dealing and hopefully fixing a problem you both share should be embarrassing although I get what you mean.
 
Nope, we've not talked about it. Ive simply thought about it as an option. Depending on how things go, I will bring it up as something we need to consider for our long-term future.
 
TheMeekon said:
Without giving medical advise.

My personal opinion would be to avoid medication unless you are desperate and can't function with normal life. I would say you are going through a natural process of loss and guarantee you will feel better in time.

I have struggled to come off anti depressants and was given them for something I didn't really need them for.
Click to expand...

I really don't think I will. It been a month, I'm on holiday and I'm as bad as I was before. If not worse.
I'm worried pills won't fix it as is very much regret /loss and specific trigger that's brought on the depression that I'd managed to control
 
al4x said:
I really don't think I will. It been a month, I'm on holiday and I'm as bad as I was before. If not worse.
I'm worried pills won't fix it as is very much regret /loss and specific trigger that's brought on the depression that I'd managed to control
Click to expand...

If you keep telling yourself that what you're feeling is not going to go away, then it's probably not.

I know it sucks, I've been there before too. It might sound weird but I'm glad it happened to me. It's a valuable learning experience. It taught me that life's too short to mess about with people who don't feel the same way as you do.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's probably going to come out that way. You need to stay away from this thread. It probably helped to vent initially but it seems like this has become your go to place where you can indulge in self pity. And you're never going to feel better if you keep going back here and thinking about it all over again.

Keep yourself busy, force yourself if you have to. It eventually goes away, I think the majority of us here can testify to that.
 
Last edited:
Witor said:
She is intensely loyal and wouldnt do that. Were abhorrent about people who cheat and then break up after. Surely if youre that far down the path, end it before anything happens
Click to expand...

I said the exact same thing and shortly after our break up, I defended her to the back teeth and had a go at anyone who suggested she was seeing someone else and that was the reason.

How wrong was I? I ended up having to apologise to people I had a go at for it. She was the last person on earth I thought would do the dirty too :(
 
sb89 said:
If you keep telling yourself that what you're feeling is not going to go away, then it's probably not.

I know it sucks, I've been there before too. It might sound weird but I'm glad it happened to me. It's a valuable learning experience. It taught me that life's too short to mess about with people who don't feel the same way as you do.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's probably going to come out that way. You need to stay away from this thread. It probably helped to vent initially but it seems like this has become your go to place where you can indulge in self pity. And you're never going to feel better if you keep going back here and thinking about it all over again.

Keep yourself busy, force yourself if you have to. It eventually goes away, I think the majority of us here can testify to that.
Click to expand...

I'll try and keep it of it. Be as harsh as you want.
I keep trying to break the cycle but I can't.
And like you said I keep thinking about it and can't stop.
She told me today she couldn't get over a problem we had right at the start of the relationship I thought was well in the past, so now I blame myself too. (texting someone else, wasn't happy at that point ) at one point I almost broke it off with her but stayed from a guilt trip of her killing herself
I dunno why she carried on and agreed to Marry me so long after this.
 
Last edited:
al4x said:
I'll try and keep it of it. Be as harsh as you want.
I keep trying to break the cycle but I can't.
And like you said I keep thinking about it and can't stop.
She told me today she couldn't get over a problem we had right at the start of the relationship I thought was well in the past, so now I blame myself too. (texting someone else, wasn't happy at that point ) at one point I almost broke it off with her but stayed from a guilt trip of her killing herself
I dunno why she carried on and agreed to Marry me so long after this.
Click to expand...

You need to stop contacting her.
 
Witor you don't need councilling you just need to grow a pair, you can't be seen as weak by a female partner, they will not respect you and will eventually leave and/or cheat. If I gave my girlfriend a £500 watch and she called me predictable I'd tell her what a spoiled cow she was being and suggest she goes back to her mum and dads, but she wouldn't react like that because she knows I wouldn't stand for that type of behaviour, your wife is taking the **** and you're allowing it because you don't stand up for yourself.
 
al4x said:
I'll try and keep it of it. Be as harsh as you want.
I keep trying to break the cycle but I can't.
And like you said I keep thinking about it and can't stop.
She told me today she couldn't get over a problem we had right at the start of the relationship I thought was well in the past, so now I blame myself too. (texting someone else, wasn't happy at that point ) at one point I almost broke it off with her but stayed from a guilt trip of her killing herself
I dunno why she carried on and agreed to Marry me so long after this.
Click to expand...

Leave. Seriously. Nothing good can come from someone like that.
 
that I only game on Tuesday/Thursday nights
Click to expand...
WOW JUST WOW

At first I thought you were talking about something you do in the bedroom with a woman then I realised and Just WOW wtf is this madness

You should make a rule where she can only watch TV on a tues/thurs night

You know how ridiculous that sounds right? Man up and take control of your life you might earn a bit of respect a long the way instead of being treated like turd and taken advantage of.

The fun is taming the dog, once it's tamed the woman loses interest seems to be happening here
 
If just like to thank everyone for putting up with me and my messages.
Guess I'm just one of those who isn't right inside. Can't get myself out of this, I'll be going to doctors when I'm back as last chance before I give up. I'm just not strong enough to get over it.

Had a day doing my own thing at water park, didn't enjoy it. Felt alone etc.
With no one to talk to activities just seem pointless

As said it's probably not a good thing to keep posting in here. Thanks again
 
al4x said:
Had a day doing my own thing at water park, didn't enjoy it. Felt alone etc.
With no one to talk to activities just seem pointless
Click to expand...

Some activities are pointless solo, their point is an excuse to spend time with people so of course they are bad on your own.

Think golf, terrible on your own, walking in the hills, better on your own. Similar, but definitely different.

Go to the casino and get smashed playing whatever game you like, then go to a strip bar and amuse yourself putting dollars down g-strings. These are activities which are normally okay solo.
 
Witor said:
Nope, we've not talked about it. Ive simply thought about it as an option. Depending on how things go, I will bring it up as something we need to consider for our long-term future.
Click to expand...

You have considered your long term future is without you current wife?

As I see it one of the following apply:

1) She's conditioned to be in an abusive relationship, she is currently the abuser. Your ways out are to leave her, fix her, or become the abuser your self.

2) She hates you and is hanging on until something better comes along (lets face it, provider wise you sound pretty good - you'll be hard to replace!). Not saying anyone is guilty but women fall out of love more quickly than men, and feeling you are being forced to hang around can quickly sour a relationship.

3) You are the problem.

4) She is nuts. (not to trivialise mental illness, depression is a real and devastating illness)

Most people will say women are nuts, sometimes it's right but usually it's because they refuse to accept the more common causes.
 
al4x said:
If just like to thank everyone for putting up with me and my messages.
Guess I'm just one of those who isn't right inside. Can't get myself out of this, I'll be going to doctors when I'm back as last chance before I give up. I'm just not strong enough to get over it.

Had a day doing my own thing at water park, didn't enjoy it. Felt alone etc.
With no one to talk to activities just seem pointless

As said it's probably not a good thing to keep posting in here. Thanks again
Click to expand...

you're being ridiculous. you're allowed to feel like crap. you would be weird if you didn't. let your self feel like crap. its important. your essentially grieving. allow accordingly
 
Witor said:
We live in Gibraltar.
Click to expand...

You mentioned earlier she doesn't have a job. Does she have many friends out there? She's probably incredibly bored sat at home with 3 kids so takes it out on you as at least you get to have "adult" time during the day at work.
 
If that is the case then maybe he'd do well to take the kids away on his own for a few days, or look after them alone whilst she goes off. Will give her solitude without children pestering all the time?
 
Still in the thick of it. Nothing resolved, can't get though. I'm Not answering texts or messages except kids updates, and waiting for her to cool down and talk to me face to face, enought txt tit for tat is just worsening the problem.

Gribs - she's lived here 16 moved over with her entire family. Many a time she's stated she'd never move back to the UK. Loads of friends here too, mates and aquanitances, New and old , out here.
 
al4x said:
If just like to thank everyone for putting up with me and my messages.
Guess I'm just one of those who isn't right inside. Can't get myself out of this, I'll be going to doctors when I'm back as last chance before I give up. I'm just not strong enough to get over it.

Had a day doing my own thing at water park, didn't enjoy it. Felt alone etc.
With no one to talk to activities just seem pointless

As said it's probably not a good thing to keep posting in here. Thanks again
Click to expand...

You don't need to see a Doctor, you got dumped by a girl who your entire life revolved around. What you need to do now is work on yourself, go to the gym, buy some new clothes, develop a social life and then eventually, when you've got your crap together you'll find another girl. Hopefully then you won't make the same mistake of not having a life outside of your relationship.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom