Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

Curio · 19 Nov 2015 at 21:29

lucarocks92 said:
Depends on the relationship. If the female in the relationship for example doesn't wish to have a physical relationship anymore then I can't blame a guy for getting it some where else.

Sometimes it might be justifiable and sometimes maybe it won't.

If a relationship gets to that point though then they are best off just going their separate ways imo.

Not so easy when there are kids involved, unfortunately.

Sliver · 19 Nov 2015 at 21:33

A B and C need to get together for some ménage à trois action. /thread.

Sinny · 19 Nov 2015 at 21:40

If someone is getting hurt out of the ordeal, then I doubt it's just okay to cheat.

Leeroy Jenkins · 20 Nov 2015 at 00:34

Curio said:
Not so easy when there are kids involved, unfortunately.

Ye I understand that's why I don't blame people that do cheat when circumstances are difficult like that.

I've known of many people who cheat on their partners it's just something that happens a lot unfortunately.

Thekwango · 20 Nov 2015 at 00:41

Sliver said:
A B and C need to get together for some ménage à trois action. /thread.

Took 203 posts before someone came up with that. Damn GD be slacking.

hurfdurf · 20 Nov 2015 at 00:42

A is going to cheat anyway, C might as well be the one to get some. B is a chump for being with an A.

Lightnix · 20 Nov 2015 at 00:48

Well I was in a relationship with my right hand, but then I slept with my left hand so the two won't work together and now I have dyspraxia. True story.

dunker · 20 Nov 2015 at 00:53

it was going to a point but became too complicated,

if you know, it's wrong.

Zethor · 20 Nov 2015 at 01:00

Nitefly said:
Moving from one pointless side tangent to another:

If cheating is so bad that you could "never respect" anyone that does it - it is so disgustingly harmful and a violation of person B - why isn't it a crime? /cheatception

(A semi-rhetorical question!)

Crime is anti-social behaviour which leads to the infringement of someone's rights. The situation is indeed harmful for B but their rights weren't infringed.

elmarko · 20 Nov 2015 at 06:14

Obviously the causing pain to the 'victim' in the scenario has a downside - but I think the problem is more complex than often assumed.

Manogomy is more to do with historic religious ideals & around controlling sex, while its perfectly natural for some people, others end up in it as a byproduct of social conditioning & expectation.

I've known people who are simply not suited to that kind of relationship, but society's expectation of them nudges then down that path. One thing I do notice is the use of language regarding fidelity, wrong, adultery, moral judgements - there is a connect between religious terminology & how people speak regarding this issue.

hurfdurf · 20 Nov 2015 at 08:48

Lol if you don't dna test your kids

Freefaller · 20 Nov 2015 at 08:56

The poll is reassuring. Still surprised that a fair proportion think it's okay though!

RDM · 20 Nov 2015 at 09:11

elmarko said:
Obviously the causing pain to the 'victim' in the scenario has a downside - but I think the problem is more complex than often assumed.

Manogomy is more to do with historic religious ideals & around controlling sex, while its perfectly natural for some people, others end up in it as a byproduct of social conditioning & expectation.

I've known people who are simply not suited to that kind of relationship, but society's expectation of them nudges then down that path. One thing I do notice is the use of language regarding fidelity, wrong, adultery, moral judgements - there is a connect between religious terminology & how people speak regarding this issue.

I am not at all religious but I am acutely aware of the pain that infidelity causes. Being aware of that and having some basic emotional intelligence I would not choose to inflict it upon anyone. To do so would be wrong as it would be causing emotional harm. I am not really interesting in the "morality" of it, but it can cause so much pain it just wouldn't be the right thing to do.

dowie · 20 Nov 2015 at 09:39

RDM said:
I am not at all religious but I am acutely aware of the pain that infidelity causes. Being aware of that and having some basic emotional intelligence I would not choose to inflict it upon anyone. To do so would be wrong as it would be causing emotional harm. I am not really interesting in the "morality" of it, but it can cause so much pain it just wouldn't be the right thing to do.

the pain argument again

you meet a girl at work, she has a boyfriend, she really likes you, you find you really like her... you become good friends... she questions her relationship with her boyfriend, it isn't going well and she was considering leaving him previously...

a) She's having a conversation with you about this and mentions that if she wasn't in a relationship she'd want to date you, you mention that you feel the same about her. She then makes her mind up and breaks up with her boyfriend. The boyfriend has suffered pain. I don't think anyone would argue any 'infidelity' has occurred.

b) You get drunk together at the Christmas party, she's fed up after yet another argument with her boyfriend... you hook up, in the morning you have a chat and she decides to end it with the boyfriend. Plenty would say 'infidelity' has occurred there.

In both scenarios the boyfriend is getting dumped - though if you're going to argue that say 'b' it is wrong simply because you're (indirectly) inflicting pain on the boyfriend then that applies to scenario 'a' too - and in that case all you've done to inflict the same pain is to be friends with someone and answer honestly about your feelings.

Thekwango · 20 Nov 2015 at 09:51

Freefaller said:
The poll is reassuring. Still surprised that a fair proportion think it's okay though!

taking it from the perspective of C it is perfectly OK. C isn't cheating on anyone. perhaps that should have a been a poll option

SexyGreyFox · 20 Nov 2015 at 09:52

Freefaller said:
The poll is reassuring. Still surprised that a fair proportion think it's okay though!

I think this says it all:

Latest statistics (published December 2012) estimate that 42% of marriages in England and Wales end in divorce. It is also estimated that: 34% of marriages are expected to end in divorce by the 20th wedding anniversary.9 Feb 2013

Nitefly · 20 Nov 2015 at 09:55

I agree with dowie - in his scenario b), it's not great and it wouldn't sit easily with me, but A + C shouldn't beat themselves up about it too much.

Freefaller · 20 Nov 2015 at 10:11

I don't disagree with the point dowie makes but person A should have the guts to do the right thing and call it off. If person C doesn't know about relationship then i agree they are innocent. However if person c is aware of relationship they are scum to pursue person A until they are out of the relationship. Again this is my opinion..

Sankari · 20 Nov 2015 at 10:20

Nix said:
As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

No, it's a dog act. Don't be a ****.

Thekwango said:
taking it from the perspective of C it is perfectly OK. C isn't cheating on anyone. perhaps that should have a been a poll option

How is it perfectly OK? C is interfering in someone else's relationship. The fact that this doesn't involve cheating on C's part is irrelevant.

Avenged7Fold · 20 Nov 2015 at 10:28

People say its not black and white and blah blah blah because children/money/abuse whatever.

At the end of the day, no matter how complicated it is, there is no way cheating is the best solution to anything.

There is always something that can be done which is better than cheating, no matter how abusive the partner may be or how desperate they want a shag but cant split because of the kids.

Just because you accept that there is little consequences in being person C or no one holds you responsible for affect their relationship, it doesn't mean you aren't responsible.

I feel sorry for the wives/gf of some of these posters...

Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

As person C, is it okay to sleep with person A?

Hell yes!

No, it's wrong.

Pancake.