The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[.Lethal]

I just hate the waiting with texts, it's awful. I'd much rather someone simply told me that it wasn't going to work, and left it at that. Now I've no idea what to do if she doesn't respond - do I message her again on Sunday, to check about Tuesday (assuming that I won't get a response, but you never know...)? Or do I assume that she's currently really busy/stressed, leave it until after Christmas and New Year, message her when we're both back down in London and hope that the time at home with her parents has relaxed her slightly?

You're probably thinking to much about this. It's awful when waiting for that reply but it's also awful letting it bother you so much by thinking to much about it. You've already chased up after asking a question previously there's nothing else you can do, if she want's to get in touch it's her choice.

You should try to occupy your free time elsewhere and try not to think on this, better still try moving on, talk to other girls and don't let everyone you like affect you like this when these things happen. When you start asking yourself the types of questions you posted so early after a few dates it's time to move on imo.

 

[413x]

With the girl in dating atm she would wait sometimes a day to reply and some times this drove me crazy. I had to be very conscious this was my mind playing tricks on me. So many times I had to stop myself sending the double text (I never sent it).
I just had to tell myself 'not everyone is the same and she probably isn't even thinking about it'

Still between date 2 and 3 before the exclusivity talk came up my mind was going crazy (probably didn't help I accidentally slept with her on date 2..this is not me !)
This was a potential mistake as it creates (for me) a connection... Not a one night stand person).

Do not not not send two texts unless there is a good reason (need a time for a meet)

 

[dave1983]

I am so confused, my ex wants to move back together in February.

she still wants to be single until we talk, I asked her when she wants to talk not until after Christmas.

So you want to be single but move back in, how does that work until we talk to which may or may not happen eh????

 

[Hades]

^^ Do you want to get back together with her? Assuming you would, then surely the right response is that you will talk about getting back together once you can talk. But it would seem sensible to be "back together" for a while before she moves back in.

Maybe she just needs somewhere to live and is using your old relationship to dig herselv out of a problem?

 

[dave1983]

^^ Do you want to get back together with her? Assuming you would, then surely the right response is that you will talk about getting back together once you can talk. But it would seem sensible to be "back together" for a while before she moves back in.

Maybe she just needs somewhere to live and is using your old relationship to dig herselv out of a problem?

That's what I am worried about, the only way we could work things is by being back together, I asked why she wants to move back in she said to work things out.

Do you think giving her a deadline to make a decision, I feel that I am just being strung along, maybe along the lines of "I am happy for us to talk but a decision needs to be made by XYZ"

She hates her current living situation and is getting no help from the council, it shouldn't talk 4 bloody months to make a decision if you want to be with someone, she just expects to move in and be back to the way we was.

I have given her till the 10th of Jan. the ball is in all court now.

 

[Hades]

I'm no relationship expert (married for a millenia) but if it were me I wouldn't necessarily give a deadline. But I would simply say "Let's talk about it before we make any decisions about moving back in. Can you meet on x date?" Also if it were me at that meeting I'd stick to my guns about wanting to be back together for a bit before she moves back in. You obviously split up for a reason so what's changed to make that any different?

 

[ci_newman]

I am so confused, my ex wants to move back together in February.

she still wants to be single until we talk, I asked her when she wants to talk not until after Christmas.

So you want to be single but move back in, how does that work until we talk to which may or may not happen eh????

So she wants to be single over Christmas and New Year, and keep you hanging

 

[dave1983]

So she wants to be single over Christmas and New Year, and keep you hanging

Yeah pretty much, she said that she wants to get Christmas out of the way to have a lot more free time to talk, I've given her till the 10th of Jan, I'm tired being kept hanging and im not one for last minute.com of moving in. Seeing each other for a start will see if you are compatible but also working on any issues ect..

 

[Hades]

She hates her current living situation and is getting no help from the council, it shouldn't talk 4 bloody months to make a decision if you want to be with someone, she just expects to move in and be back to the way we was.

Without meaning to be unfair it does indeed sound like she wants to use you to find a better place to live. Big warning sign there for me, especially with wanting to be single over the party season.

If she genuainely wants to be back with you she would want it to happen as soon as possible. I know that's what I'd want in that situation. But she may be trying to get the party season out of the way safe in the knowledge that you're there to provide a nice place for her to stay later.

Tread carefully.

 

[dave1983]

Without meaning to be unfair it does indeed sound like she wants to use you to find a better place to live. Big warning sign there for me, especially with wanting to be single over the party season.

If she genuainely wants to be back with you she would want it to happen as soon as possible. I know that's what I'd want in that situation. But she may be trying to get the party season out of the way safe in the knowledge that you're there to provide a nice place for her to stay later.

Tread carefully.

Thanks I want to go into this both my eyes wide open, she's very much string along girl.

I have spoken to my parents about it and they don't get her motives especially it seems she's trying to have my balls on a platter. it's not exactly hard to make a decision over the season period or any week for that matter it's starting to grate me alittle, so Iv'e given her 2 weeks, but I don't hold my hopes.

 

[Hades]

What's her notice period at her current place? I bet it's 3 months or her tenancy is up end Feb?

 

[dave1983]

What's her notice period at her current place? I bet it's 3 months or her tenancy is up end Feb?

we both gone back to our parents for the time being, I am saving the cash for a deposit. She has now changed her story to we are talking next week, I don't get this girl at all.

Why don't be straight in the first place instead of all the games, her exact words were "lets just get Christmas out the way first" which in my case would class the next 2 weeks or am I dumb?

 

[malachi]

I am so confused, my ex wants to move back together in February.

she still wants to be single until we talk, I asked her when she wants to talk not until after Christmas.

So you want to be single but move back in, how does that work until we talk to which may or may not happen eh????

She wants to be single but hasn't ended up with anyone to have fun with during that period.

Shes using you mate.

 

[CaptainRAVE]

She wants to be single but hasn't ended up with anyone to have fun with during that period.

Shes using you mate.

Nail, head.

 

[xGBHxPegasus]

She wants to be single but hasn't ended up with anyone to have fun with during that period.

Shes using you mate.

Wait when he says "move back together" is that getting back together or moving in together?

Why would you instantly move back into a place with an ex once you've broken up... surely you would date a bit to see if there is still something there?

 

[sb89]

She wants to be single but hasn't ended up with anyone to have fun with during that period.

Shes using you mate.

This.

Obviously I don't know the full details but from what I've read, I would tell her to get lost. If you get back together, what's to say she won't repeat this in the future? I think you're better off rid of her.

 

[dave1983]

Wait when he says "move back together" is that getting back together or moving in together?

Why would you instantly move back into a place with an ex once you've broken up... surely you would date a bit to see if there is still something there?

Exactly, even my mate said it would be stupid to move back without seeing each other first. Since discussing it she hasn't really shown any signals i.e. affection of any sort other than some flirtfull texts of any reconciliation I'm following my gut that something isn't right.

 

[413x]

Think I'd detach

Very much sounds like games/using/ulterior motive territory
I think you see it too.
Don't let feelings make you into a mug.. You know her.. Try and think what you'd do if she wasn't an ex.

Having no time over Xmas is BS

 

[dave1983]

Think I'd detach

Very much sounds like games/using/ulterior motive territory
I think you see it too.
Don't let feelings make you into a mug.. You know her.. Try and think what you'd do if she wasn't an ex.

Having no time over Xmas is BS

I would be kicking her to the curb, since we have separated I have made a promise to myself to not be a doormat. and I definitely don't do games.

I agree though if she wanted to get back together she wouldn't need to wait until after Christmas to work thing out, she just said Christmas is this Friday so anytime after that. what kind of BS is that.

 

[413x]

I would be kicking her to the curb, since we have separated I have made a promise to myself to not be a doormat. and I definitely don't do games.

I agree though if she wanted to get back together she wouldn't need to wait until after Christmas to work thing out, she just said Christmas is this Friday so anytime after that. what kind of BS is that.

Although it was very hard I'm glad my ex completely cut contact and never heard from her after sorting out house stuff.
I know I would have been weak and gone back for a good while.

Stay strong and like you said don't be a doormat. No good can come of it