Keep holding it down bud, you can only grow and now you have time to focus on 'uno' things will improve!
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Keep holding it down bud, you can only grow and now you have time to focus on 'uno' things will improve!
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Well she finally sent me a message late on Friday, so 3 days later, very very apologetic for not speaking to me sooner. Phoned her up and had a good chat and both agreed it was a bit of a misunderstanding and we'd move past it.
She's actually been messaging me over the weekend, not even responding to me sending anything, just being more chatty, and we've been out tonight to the cinema which was a great evening, she was even the first one to suggest doing something again soon.
So, all seems on the right track again for now. I can't say it's not been hard work to this point but I'm hoping it will pay off.
Don't be a mug.
Odds are she had a better offer and kept you along as a safety net. Things obviously didn't go to great which is why shes just suddenly messaged you out of nowhere apologizing and hoping you'll give here another chance.
Stay well away. You broke up for a reason. Be strong brother.
Been doing a lot of thinking today
Got the feeling I am heading for a significant rejection in terms of what it means
Basically someone I thought was as near as right for me as possible has/is going cold. And I've got that vibe that has been right every time
I'm not actually 'sad' because I think I've desensitised quite a lot to it
Unfortunately I have only met someone like this 3 times in life, and they are all people I can instantly recall
This has shown me a couple of things, every other date I've had, hasn't been right (regardless if I broke it off or other person) and I like people so far from normal it's possible I might never find and match with anybody (it's a reasonable possibility)
So I need to be able to be happy on my own (that only chestnut)
After looking at what I enjoy, there isn't much!
A lot of things I have done 'to meet someone'
The only things I can truly say I've enjoyed are scuba and rowing.
Everything else, Photography, cinema, going out, zoo, games I don't like doing on my own. This list is 'partner only'
I've decided the only reason I do Saturday night group things.. Isn't to find Friends, but to find someone.
Unfortunately it looks like I don't 'enjoy' much if I stopped completely looking for a partner.
Worse.. The things I enjoy doing really are things I can only do on weekend mornings in the UK
Looks like I really will have to emigrate to be happy!
More of a realisation than a moan as I try to understand if I can actually be happy on my own. Or not
Got the feeling I am heading for a significant rejection in terms of what it means
Basically someone I thought was as near as right for me as possible has/is going cold. And I've got that vibe that has been right every time
I'm not actually 'sad' because I think I've desensitised quite a lot to it
Unfortunately I have only met someone like this 3 times in life, and they are all people I can instantly recall
This has shown me a couple of things, every other date I've had, hasn't been right (regardless if I broke it off or other person) and I like people so far from normal it's possible I might never find and match with anybody (it's a reasonable possibility)
So I need to be able to be happy on my own (that only chestnut)
After looking at what I enjoy, there isn't much!
A lot of things I have done 'to meet someone'
The only things I can truly say I've enjoyed are scuba and rowing.
Everything else, Photography, cinema, going out, zoo, games I don't like doing on my own. This list is 'partner only'
I've decided the only reason I do Saturday night group things.. Isn't to find Friends, but to find someone.
Unfortunately it looks like I don't 'enjoy' much if I stopped completely looking for a partner.
Worse.. The things I enjoy doing really are things I can only do on weekend mornings in the UK
Looks like I really will have to emigrate to be happy!
More of a realisation than a moan as I try to understand if I can actually be happy on my own. Or not
Just too much emotional talk from the man. Women hate that, just keep quite, enjoy the time together and if she wants it to go further she'll make the move
You were saying this exact same thing about 3 months ago about how your ex was the only one for you and you'll never find anyone else, now you're saying the same thing about some random girl after a relatively short period of time back in the dating scene.
Just take your time and stop expecting to find "the one" so quickly, it'll happen. In the meantime you're being extremely melodramatic.
I think it's more that I there's not much I enjoy on my own and that I know I need to be happy in myself to be right for a relationship.
I have tried lots of things, martial arts, meet up groups, social events.. But the only ones I enjoy are sport/water based where I don't require others input.
I don't much mind not having someone at present, what I don't like is that as I enjoy so little I could easily repeat my old relationship with little outside the relationship.. Which isn't healthy
You know there's no quota on a minimum list of interests, right? Things either interest you or they don't, there's zero benefit from trying to carry out some sort of meta analysis of whether you have enough hobbies and whether that somehow correlates to finding someone you like. Get on, do your thing, do things you enjoy, don't do things you don't enjoy...
What, asking a woman whether she wants you or not is "too much emotional talk"? You just wait and hope she makes the first move? How very manly of you.
I'm still staying at the woman's house in Switzerland lol
I told her yesterday I might as well leave since she is back at work and I don't see her from 6am until around 5pm and she started to cry
I don't speak German never mind the local dialect so its kind of boring in the daytime since I feel pretty isolated.
Public transport is really simple but no one speaks English or they just aren't willing to
Local language isn't even a real language just a mix of German French Italian and English so I can't just learn it online...
I think the dialect is called almanac and even if you speak high German you can't understand it... Which I don't anyway..
she won't even teach me the basics even though I keep saying she should
I had to google to find out greetings and how to order cigarettes
I told her yesterday I might as well leave since she is back at work and I don't see her from 6am until around 5pm and she started to cry
I don't speak German never mind the local dialect so its kind of boring in the daytime since I feel pretty isolated.
Public transport is really simple but no one speaks English or they just aren't willing to
Local language isn't even a real language just a mix of German French Italian and English so I can't just learn it online...
I think the dialect is called almanac and even if you speak high German you can't understand it... Which I don't anyway..
she won't even teach me the basics even though I keep saying she should
I had to google to find out greetings and how to order cigarettes
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Well finally some positive news.
Looks like my friend and I are practically an item.
She's been an amazing friend that I couldn't stop getting feelings for
Cracked the question last week (one of hardest things to do knowing I'd loose a friend of it went bad) said yes
Then had a mid week moment (see post below where my anxiety played tricks on me) got clarification on where we stood
Last night had first proper kiss in the snow. She had told her friends which is a good sign. And who I get on really well with.
After discussing it we both realised we felt it for a few weeks now.
Last night we went to boardgame club yet another lovely evening.
Fingers crossed
Looks like my friend and I are practically an item.
She's been an amazing friend that I couldn't stop getting feelings for
Cracked the question last week (one of hardest things to do knowing I'd loose a friend of it went bad) said yes
Then had a mid week moment (see post below where my anxiety played tricks on me) got clarification on where we stood
Last night had first proper kiss in the snow. She had told her friends which is a good sign. And who I get on really well with.
After discussing it we both realised we felt it for a few weeks now.
Last night we went to boardgame club yet another lovely evening.
Fingers crossed
And who said romance was dead?
j/k, good on yer.
Ha, yes this is why it's hard to find people with similar hobbies!
My Saturday consists of rowing club in morning and boardgames in evenings!
Well I arranged to meet someone yesterday for a second date, been talking for the past few weeks or so, things seemed to be going great.
Then I get a text at 11.30pm telling me how she's sorry and that she doesn't seem ready to date anyone seriously yet (after me baking stuff for the date, and waiting in until early afternoon before realising)
I basically told her not to worry about it, told her I did like her but maybe we're best of us staying on talking terms
I've gone past any bitterness that a younger self would've gone through, it is what it is so back onto tinder
My anxiety gets in the way sometimes, I find it hard to bring this up as some people are understanding and some aren't. Usually tell someone I have it (unmedicated) after the second or third date, anyone else disclose this sort of stuff when they're dating?
Then I get a text at 11.30pm telling me how she's sorry and that she doesn't seem ready to date anyone seriously yet (after me baking stuff for the date, and waiting in until early afternoon before realising)
I basically told her not to worry about it, told her I did like her but maybe we're best of us staying on talking terms
I've gone past any bitterness that a younger self would've gone through, it is what it is so back onto tinder
My anxiety gets in the way sometimes, I find it hard to bring this up as some people are understanding and some aren't. Usually tell someone I have it (unmedicated) after the second or third date, anyone else disclose this sort of stuff when they're dating?
Well I arranged to meet someone yesterday for a second date, been talking for the past few weeks or so, things seemed to be going great.
Then I get a text at 11.30pm telling me how she's sorry and that she doesn't seem ready to date anyone seriously yet (after me baking stuff for the date, and waiting in until early afternoon before realising)
I basically told her not to worry about it, told her I did like her but maybe we're best of us staying on talking terms
I've gone past any bitterness that a younger self would've gone through, it is what it is so back onto tinder
My anxiety gets in the way sometimes, I find it hard to bring this up as some people are understanding and some aren't. Usually tell someone I have it (unmedicated) after the second or third date, anyone else disclose this sort of stuff when they're dating?
I have social anxiety, especially if I'm shopping. Put me in a bar with some friends and I'm one of the most confident people you'll meet. Anyway, I digress - I don't think it's something that should come up on one of the first dates.
I've never said I have it. I mainly seemed to get it on my own
Even when I was in dates I didn't really get it
My main issue is when I'm in a big group of new people and someone talks to me I feel uncomfortable with
I also get a bit of paranoia when in the dating phase that is going bad or she's changed her mind
Probably as my ex left me for someone else and I've had a fair few dates just 'go' one was 6 dates in and she just vanished! Glad she did but I couldn't believe it. Problem is, everytime I've got the feeling.. Its been right. Except the girl in seeing more. But she was a friend so it's different. She probably knows me well enough to pick up on my bad traits
Even when I was in dates I didn't really get it
My main issue is when I'm in a big group of new people and someone talks to me I feel uncomfortable with
I also get a bit of paranoia when in the dating phase that is going bad or she's changed her mind
Probably as my ex left me for someone else and I've had a fair few dates just 'go' one was 6 dates in and she just vanished! Glad she did but I couldn't believe it. Problem is, everytime I've got the feeling.. Its been right. Except the girl in seeing more. But she was a friend so it's different. She probably knows me well enough to pick up on my bad traits
Well I arranged to meet someone yesterday for a second date, been talking for the past few weeks or so, things seemed to be going great.
Then I get a text at 11.30pm telling me how she's sorry and that she doesn't seem ready to date anyone seriously yet (after me baking stuff for the date, and waiting in until early afternoon before realising)
I basically told her not to worry about it, told her I did like her but maybe we're best of us staying on talking terms
I've gone past any bitterness that a younger self would've gone through, it is what it is so back onto tinder
My anxiety gets in the way sometimes, I find it hard to bring this up as some people are understanding and some aren't. Usually tell someone I have it (unmedicated) after the second or third date, anyone else disclose this sort of stuff when they're dating?
I was on date 6,had cooked for the girl, got her a token Xmas present and I never heard from her after! Not even "sorry I changed my mind" better off without someone like that. She even stopped over that night.
I was more cross than anything.. 1 date and dissappear is fine, 6? Not so much.
But I'm desensitised to it now. As it's happened lots of times.
Update:
What a rollercoaster ride it's been Oct 2015 started dating a nice young lass who then decided to sleep with other guys and having a STI scare that put me off dating.
She tried to reconcile a few weeks ago until she got upset and said I called her "mean names" and that I would have to chase her which I have always done in the past, she didn't like that one bit and said I wouldn't get anywhere with her with that attitude. She was dropped immediately.
Actually me and my ex wife are getting on great she's been coming over regularly no sex atm as I don't think she is ready yet, but I am questioning myself if I leave it too long or don't want to seem to pushy in that department or whether she's waiting for me to make the first move quite difficult due to our living arrangements.
We are looking at moving back in by the end of the month, and we are on the right track to reconciliation.
What a rollercoaster ride it's been Oct 2015 started dating a nice young lass who then decided to sleep with other guys and having a STI scare that put me off dating.
She tried to reconcile a few weeks ago until she got upset and said I called her "mean names" and that I would have to chase her which I have always done in the past, she didn't like that one bit and said I wouldn't get anywhere with her with that attitude. She was dropped immediately.
Actually me and my ex wife are getting on great she's been coming over regularly no sex atm as I don't think she is ready yet, but I am questioning myself if I leave it too long or don't want to seem to pushy in that department or whether she's waiting for me to make the first move quite difficult due to our living arrangements.
We are looking at moving back in by the end of the month, and we are on the right track to reconciliation.
Soldato
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- 8 Jan 2003
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- Scotland
A woman got in touch with me via an online dating site as she liked my profile. We chatted on there for a bit then she gave me her number and we've spent the last week having a laugh and chatting on WhatsApp.
Then out of the blue, she just stops responding??? I sometimes wonder what goes on in women's heads. I realise she owes me nothing but a simple "It's been good chatting but it's time to call it a day" wouldn't hurt. I was chatting to her Saturday morning before she headed out for a coffee. I've not heard from her since.
Then out of the blue, she just stops responding??? I sometimes wonder what goes on in women's heads. I realise she owes me nothing but a simple "It's been good chatting but it's time to call it a day" wouldn't hurt. I was chatting to her Saturday morning before she headed out for a coffee. I've not heard from her since.