The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

agw_01 said:
Well the CSA calculator says I need to pay less than I am doing now!

I knew it wouldn't be long before she started giving me grief... she text me telling my son had a temperature and wasn't too good so I instantly text back asking how he was and if she was taking him to the doctors.

2 hours pass and I get a text from her asking why I'm not bothered about him? I text her back telling her I replied and also send her a screenshot to prove. She starts up with the whole "you don't really care about him, you only care about yourself. Don't come on Friday"

This is despite sending her proof I did text back. She would have got the messages, she's just doing it to get a reaction.

So predictable.

I'm definitely thinking CSA and court action for this one.
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Wow sounds like you have a nasty one there!
If it wasn't for your son I'd say lucky escape!
 
Why do many men ignore the red flags early into a relationship then wonder why life gets difficult when the women gets pregnant and split up?
 
Appears like my date who bailed still wants to do something tomorrow. Hoorah. I play this safe with just drinks, right? Too late to look for anything mildly unique/interesting.
 
It works both ways, a fair few girl friends of mine are forever insisting that this guy is the one while everyone else but them can see the warning signs pretty much straight away.
 
illuz said:
So the girl I'd met the other week did message me yesterday, but it wasn't to come out for a drink/meet up as we'd planned, it was to ask how I am & send me a picture of herself and some bloke. Niiiiiiceeeee! Good riddance nutcase, that mind****ery not working here.
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Illuz is zero friends guy. He still has zero friends.
 
agw_01 said:
I must have upset someone in a past life to be getting this sort of treatment, haha.

She got pregnant quite early on in the relationship (I know, I know) and truth be told, I was having my doubts about her a month or two before she got pregnant. Hindsight eh?

I don't regret having my son though, not one bit. I just don't know what I've done to deserve this ****.

I have quite a tough head on my shoulders but I have a feeling this is going to end up making me ill.
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Stop texting so much and use phone conversation instead. Texts allow miscommunication and also gives her time to consider a response at length, often with mean tendencies it would seem. Have an adult conversation on the phone, you can put her on the spot with poignant questions and also convey how much you do care about your child.
 
I've been seeing someone over the last few weeks, who I met briefly a few years back, and have known in the interim as a friend/acquaintance, meeting up for drinks occasionally but nothing more. She's recently broken up with her long-term boyfriend (who by all accounts was a total **** - her friends refused to see her while she was with him) and I've been seeing her more, and have spent the last couple of weekends with her. In short, it's been ace, we get on really well, we both want the same thing, and I've not once felt bored in her presence (frequently I struggle to want to see someone again after a three hour date, let alone a full weekend, but I could honestly see her daily. I've even met her parents (semi-accidentally, I think), and she tells me that I was a big hit.

Anyway, I've no idea if she sees me as a friend, as a rebound, or potentially as something more. Communication with her is always a bit hit and miss in terms of volume (massive flurries if she's free, then quiet for days) so not much use to gauge interest with. What do you lot reckon I should do? Enjoy the ride while it lasts and see where it goes, or have a serious/boring talk and ask her straight up what she thinks? On the one hand the former is rather appealing, but on the other I'm not sure I can stand the uncertainty!
 
manic111 said:
Anyway, I've no idea if she sees me as a friend, as a rebound, or potentially as something more. Communication with her is always a bit hit and miss in terms of volume (massive flurries if she's free, then quiet for days) so not much use to gauge interest with. What do you lot reckon I should do? Enjoy the ride while it lasts and see where it goes, or have a serious/boring talk and ask her straight up what she thinks? On the one hand the former is rather appealing, but on the other I'm not sure I can stand the uncertainty!
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If you've only been seeing her a few weeks, it's a bit soon for a serious chat about your long-term future together. Enjoy the time you're spending together, make sure she's enjoying it too, and she'll want to spend all her time with you as well. See how it progresses for a while. Given that she's just broken up with a long-term boyfriend and had a bad time of it, she might not want to think too deeply about where she goes from there into a future relationship.

There nothing wrong with telling her what you said above (you're having a lot of fun and haven't found anyone before that you wanted to spend so much time with), but there's no need to make it into a big deal with a lot of emotional weight. You might want to confirm that you're exclusive with each other, that you're officially seeing each other, but there's no need to go any further right now, as that's just putting pressure on her after she got out of a bad relationship. It comes across as quite needy so early on.
 
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MissChief said:
Erm, ask her? If things were so bad with the old BF then there's a good chance she'd moved on mentally already.
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You're probably right, it's the best thing to do regardless of her feelings about the old BF. Presumably doing this over the phone isn't the best shout...she's away until next week now.

Edit: Also, Steampunk makes a lot of sense as well - I don't want to go too deep, so to speak. More just to know if there's the possibility of it going further, or if we're just friends (things have happened to imply more than that, but that's not necessarily conclusive!)
 
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