The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

andi said:
Two short sentences, enough to completely destroy me right now. And now I have to go to work, knowing I'll see her later. What have I done.. :(
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You'll be fine mate, don't act weird around her, maybe if you get the chance with just her, tell her there's no hard feelings and you don't want there to be any weirdness and you hope your friendship can continue as normal. I've always found that once I've been rejected by a girl, (that sounds so bad :p) something clicks in my head and I get over her pretty quickly. Hopefully she wont be weirded out :)

EDIT

I've made the assumption she was someone you've just admitted feelings for?
 
andi said:
Two short sentences, enough to completely destroy me right now. And now I have to go to work, knowing I'll see her later. What have I done.. :(
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Done that a fair few times. The sun will rise tomorrow, the Earth will continue spinning and you haven't killed anyone. You have to learn to care less. You have to put her into the "friend/acquaintance" bucket in your head ASAP and not even entertain any thoughts of what "could" happen in the future because in all likelihood, it won't.

Most people don't really feel awkward about letting someone down gently so I wouldn't worry that her perception of you has changed massively.
 
She's a friend. I've been crazy about her for months, but it's never been the right time, she's had stuff going on and I had to try and be a good friend. I didn't do a particularly amazing job of that, and we ended up falling out a bit once or twice. I think she knew already, and to be honest I knew she didn't feel the same way. I couldn't go on like that anymore though, it was killing me, so I bit the bullet and asked. I just needed to hear it so I can try and move on. Right now I'm missing the not knowing though.
 
Been there done that still good friends years later. It's better to know and know where you stand than just stewing on it.
 
tom_e said:
Been there done that still good friends years later. It's better to know and know where you stand than just stewing on it.
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However, if you only became "friends" because you fancied them in the first place and wanted an angle to get more involved it's better to just cut all contact and move on if possible. Otherwise it's just torture. Been there, done that too. :p
 
andi said:
She's a friend. I've been crazy about her for months, but it's never been the right time, she's had stuff going on and I had to try and be a good friend. I didn't do a particularly amazing job of that, and we ended up falling out a bit once or twice. I think she knew already, and to be honest I knew she didn't feel the same way. I couldn't go on like that anymore though, it was killing me, so I bit the bullet and asked. I just needed to hear it so I can try and move on. Right now I'm missing the not knowing though.
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hopefully she's mature enough to get over you having these feelings and you can both laugh about it a year from now, the problem with situations like these though, is quite often one of you gets weird about it and the friendship ends.

I'd say you had to tell her though, you would have remained in love with her for god knows how long otherwise! It's always a huge risk, telling the other changes everything going forward, but now you know and now you can process it.
 
andi said:
She's a friend. I've been crazy about her for months, but it's never been the right time, she's had stuff going on and I had to try and be a good friend. I didn't do a particularly amazing job of that, and we ended up falling out a bit once or twice. I think she knew already, and to be honest I knew she didn't feel the same way. I couldn't go on like that anymore though, it was killing me, so I bit the bullet and asked. I just needed to hear it so I can try and move on. Right now I'm missing the not knowing though.
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Stop being friends with girls that you find attractive. If you like a girl ask her on a date or invite her over, make it obvious you find her physically attractive and don't see her as a friend. Also never tell a girl you "like" her, it's kids stuff, really. Ask her out, flirt, touch her arm, escalate physically, if it's obvious she's comfortable and reciprocates then you can kiss her at an opportune time. It's far better than some pathetic text message telling a girl you like her (which by the way, big deal, if a girls' attractive loads of guys will fancy her).
 
Nothing more unattractive than a friend zoned man, that would even put other women off

tom_e said:
Been there done that still good friends years later. It's better to know and know where you stand than just stewing on it.
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Can't say I am surprised.
 
Sooo met this chick off plenty of fish, shes frikkin amazing. Petite, amazing body all over, parent like me, glasses rather nerdy. Like total winner

After a weekend of sex, sunday night she says shes really into me!

Monday night she drops the 'still into my ex' line and 'we should have space'

i was like

Systems emotionally compromised - self preservation mode, activated.

:rolleyes:

actually quite liked that one. she was in the marriage material section, 4/5 crazy - 8.5 hot.

if you dont know
 
I'm starting to wonder if "still have feelings for my ex" is the new "it's not you it's me", no one ever questions it, perfect get out of jail free card.
 
Pretty much.

You're doing the right thing, and the ex is always going to be involved if that's the one she's had a child with?
 
From sound of the opening couple of lines I would have guessed the conclusion.

Either in it for a bit of fun (probably) or changed her mind

Is it just me, society in general or the forum demographic.. But it seems like looks are the priority for a lot of people

Don't get me wrong, attraction is critical, but to me it's second
 
Gabbatek said:
Sooo met this chick off plenty of fish, shes frikkin amazing. Petite, amazing body all over, parent like me, glasses rather nerdy. Like total winner

After a weekend of sex, sunday night she says shes really into me!

Monday night she drops the 'still into my ex' line and 'we should have space'

i was like

Systems emotionally compromised - self preservation mode, activated
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It's just a **** test mate, react in a cool manner like you're not phased, something like "well maybe you just need help getting over him, but if not then that's cool". She'll come round as long as you don't act all needy and pathetic
 
Sex soon after meeting stranger. Check
Unprotected sex with stranger. Check
Already has kids. Check
Clearly still having some kind of relationship with ex (let's be realistic, they're having sex). Check.

Run away. She's bad news and you're silly for having unprotected sex so soon with her.
 
RoboCod said:
Sex soon after meeting stranger. Check
Unprotected sex with stranger. Check
Already has kids. Check
Clearly still having some kind of relationship with ex (let's be realistic, they're having sex). Check.

Run away. She's bad news and you're silly for having unprotected sex so soon with her.
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you're right. I'm aborting my mission
 
Narj said:
Oh dear.... it may already be too late if she's not on the pill. Any girl asking you to do that so early should set alarm bells ringing.
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We've all been there, at least I have. I've been 'lucky' with lots of girls in my youth and made that foolish decision to not wear several times. So it's not right to judge and I'm not doing so. My point is that she's definitely not marriage material. My guess is he's got a skewed perception because she's pretty, which is understandable, we all do that.

A skank is a skank though. If you need, do the deed, then jog on. One thing I did learn though is always bag up if you do!!
 
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