The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[TrafficMaster]

I thought the explanation would be obvious

Life is far more complicated than TrafficMaster summarised. Boiling everything down to a man having to be in control, being "sniffer dogs", beta/alpha etc. etc. is misguided and wrong. Some woman definitely wouldn't want a man who is in charge for example. Horses for courses as the saying goes.

Learn to read... I did not say anything about being in charge.

 

[Pudney]

Learn to read... I did not say anything about being in charge.

No, but you implied it. In any case my point still stands. Your post is overly simplistic, particularly given most human to human relationships are complex (both intimate and non). Trying to distil it down into the simplistic manner you stated completely misses all the other variants on a relationship. I.e., some woman (or men) do like weakness in their partner.

 

[TrafficMaster]

No, but you implied it. In any case my point still stands. Your post is overly simplistic, particularly given most human to human relationships are complex (both intimate and non). Trying to distil it down into the simplistic manner you stated completely misses all the other variants on a relationship. I.e., some woman (or men) do like weakness in their partner.

I did not imply it nor do I think it.

My exact point was that its give and take in a relationship. If one side (the man) is reduced to a quivering mental wreck.....or is too weak to stand up and offer strength when its required for himself and for his dysfunctional partner... its game over.

Some women like their men to be weak? You cannot be serious. Insecurity and weakness is not attractive.

Yes it is very simple, if you are a strong man with no issues whatsoever, then you can take on a woman with serious mental problems. If you are NOT, then you are going to be no use to the relationship, the woman, or yourself.

 

[Tefal]

There is some truth in what he says, some men would rather bury their head in the sand and ignore it because of fear of being alone or hoping one day it will get better.

I agree there is some truth in what he says

No good comes from being weak. And it's easy to be like that if you get anxiety, want to please, over value a girl, think she's 'the one'

There really isnt.

Its childish crap "women subconciously teat men because they hate weakness"

Its hilarious.


It shows he either has had very little to no interaction with women or a very warped view of men and women.

Some women like their men to be weak? You cannot be serious. Insecurity and weakness is not attractive.

Yes it is very simple, if you are a strong man with no issues whatsoever, then you can take on a woman with serious mental problems. If you are NOT, then you are going to be no use to the relationship, the woman, or yourself]

Women do seem to like the poor wounded guy routine.

Our of curiosity do you think men like thier women to be weak.


As for the second paragraph ive got a 12 inch knife wound that proves no matter how strong or issueless you are somone with mental problems can **** you up if they flip.

Insecurity and weakness is not attractive.

However showing the trust and faith to open up to them can be a very strong bond for women.

Funny thing is i know quite a lot of Dommes including pro ones often the guys that seek them out are in incredibly powerful positions of authority. Its the release of control and giving up thier burdens of responsibility that is the draw for them to dominant women

 

[Pudney]

I did not imply it nor do I think it.

My exact point was that its give and take in a relationship. If one side (the man) is reduced to a quivering mental wreck.....or is too weak to stand up and offer strength when its required for himself and for his dysfunctional partner... its game over.

Some women like their men to be weak? You cannot be serious. Insecurity and weakness is not attractive.

Yes it is very simple, if you are a strong man with no issues whatsoever, then you can take on a woman with serious mental problems. If you are NOT, then you are going to be no use to the relationship, the woman, or yourself.

Your point was not that there is give and take in a relationship. If it was your point then your message was badly communicated.

And yes, some woman do want weakness (not insecurity, "weakness" as you defined it in post 6755), typically those who are dominant in all aspects of their life, or those who find "campness" attractive, or for a myriad of other reasons. This is what I mean, you completely fail to recognise a relationship can be more complex based on the personalities involved.

 

[Pudney]

Funny thing is i know quite a lot of Dommes including pro ones often the guys that seek them out are in incredibly powerful positions of authority. Its the release of control and giving up thier burdens of responsibility that is the draw for them to dominant women

I think there is a distinction between woman who are dominants in the bedroom and woman who are dominant in their life. The first draws the type of person you identify (people with power who want to let it go) and the second draws a more passive person.

 

[Tefal]

I think there is a distinction between woman who are dominants in the bedroom and woman who are dominant in their life. The first draws the type of person you identify (people with power who want to let it go) and the second draws a more passive person.

Not really. These are women who sre dominant in all aspects.

Passive men dont go for them in my experience.
Often because the women wont have them.

 

[TrafficMaster]

Your point was not that there is give and take in a relationship. If it was your point then your message was badly communicated.

And yes, some woman do want weakness (not insecurity, "weakness" as you defined it in post 6755), typically those who are dominant in all aspects of their life, or those who find "campness" attractive, or for a myriad of other reasons. This is what I mean, you completely fail to recognise a relationship can be more complex based on the personalities involved.

You need to read my posts again, I went into specific detail.

No need for me to argue points which are not relevant...

 

[PermaChanged]

Is man-whoring a common side effect of having your heartbroken and a symptom of not being over it?

 

[Ayahuasca]

Yeah, doesn't really work though for clearing the feelings if you're still attached to "the one".

 

[PermaChanged]

I don't think I'm still attached, but at the same time I'm not looking in to understanding or getting attached to any of the girls I'm "liaising" with.

If another posted typed up exactly what I've been up to I think I'd be rather shocked and surprised as to how they were getting away with it. When I think about it it makes me laugh and shake my head, not sure whether that it's in disgust or disbelief.

 

[Roar87]

I did not imply it nor do I think it.

My exact point was that its give and take in a relationship. If one side (the man) is reduced to a quivering mental wreck.....or is too weak to stand up and offer strength when its required for himself and for his dysfunctional partner... its game over.

Some women like their men to be weak? You cannot be serious. Insecurity and weakness is not attractive.

Yes it is very simple, if you are a strong man with no issues whatsoever, then you can take on a woman with serious mental problems. If you are NOT, then you are going to be no use to the relationship, the woman, or yourself.

Don't bother responding to them. It's cognitive dissonance. You're 100% correct, the only people who won't accept it are the type raised by single Mothers who think behaving like a Man and leading is wrong. They probably get friend zoned by every Woman they meet.

 

[413x]

I think traffic is right to a point.
Confidence is generally good most of the time.
Some women will prefer a d*** And some might prefer a push over

What I don't agree with is tonso and his Alpha/beta stuff.

If I had to act like a "alpha" to get a girl that girl simply wouldn't be the right one for me.
But in no way is everyone like that. I wouldn't even say most

As usual in life most fields probably want someone in between a wet blanket and chauvinist

In more in the emotive/talking/gentle box than the other but still am aware clingy and needy isn't good. But I will talk about problems etc.

Is as if this thread treats "women" as a category. You simply can't brandish everyone with the same brush

I know women who like alpha men. And they constantly get shafted over. And id never go there. I seem out people of same mindset of me. I can't handle games. And im not going to be pretending to be someone in not.

Those who believe totally in alpha stuff, they would have you believe if you aren't, you will be alone forever

 

[Tefal]

Don't bother responding to them. It's cognitive dissonance. You're 100% correct, the only people who won't accept it are the type raised by single Mothers who think behaving like a Man and leading is wrong. They probably get friend zoned by every Woman they meet.

Sorry but theres a massive differnce between being stong and believing all women are ****ing insane and subconciously test and torment thier men to root out weakness.


The only people who belive that sre ones whove onky dated nutters and extrapolate all women are like that or have never really been with a women and so are going on crap they read on reddit


(Posted by child of a loving 2 parent home with a healthy and abundant sex life)

 

[Vidar]

I totally agree with you 413x

I've tried the alpha male stuff, read quite a few books from the pick up artist community and put in to practice some of it and yeah IF you're looking for notches on your bed post and if you're prepared to put in a lot of effort and energy on some girl because she has a nice body then yeah it can work.

If any of you have read "The Game" by Neil Strauss you may have taken a different inferrence from it than I did but what I took from it was that he realised that when you actually find someone you are really compatible with none of that stuff matters, its not helpful at all.

I'd gotten so fed up of chasing tail, had given up on playing games and then met my now fiancee, right from the begining I decided to be completely myself, warts and imperfections and all, more honest than I'd ever been with anyone and now I'm in the best relationship I've ever had.

 

[Psypher5]

so i've never been "close" to my family, hardly speak to my parents, or half sister. The odd phone call / update.

The whole family is quite happy to be alone / away from people in general etc etc etc. ITs not any of us being nasty or whatnot, it's just how my parents are, how they raised us, and how I turned out. (I have started to try to come out of this shell recently though, but thats a story for another day)

But we are happy, we love eachother, we know we do.

However, my parents have sold the family home and are off to Cyprus next weekend. They have been talking about going for years, but never had the opportunity to, now with the loss of jobs, nearing retirement age and a quick unexpected sale on the house they are off.

And this really hurts. Every reason possible is why it hurts, I've been telling myself to expect it, that it shouldn't bother me. I didn't think it would. I understand it from how I look at things, I remove myself and look at things from another point of view, but then the emotion just slaps me in the face. They have always just been down the road, or a short drive away. They were there when I had nothing and nowhere to go. I always had that "safety net" feeling.

 

[Roar87]

Sorry but theres a massive differnce between being stong and believing all women are ****ing insane and subconciously test and torment thier men to root out weakness.


The only people who belive that sre ones whove onky dated nutters and extrapolate all women are like that or have never really been with a women and so are going on crap they read on reddit


(Posted by child of a loving 2 parent home with a healthy and abundant sex life)

It's a completely observable phenomenon, even Men test other Men in social scenarios. When you see one guy give another a bit of stick, if the other guy gives some back that'll be the end of it or it'll be laughed off, if he gets upset and/or angry then he'll be viewed as weak and end up being the butt of all the jokes. This is especially apparent in a big group of lads.

When you're first speaking to a girl, they'll flirt and have a bit of banter, if your response comes across as weak/lacking confidence then she'll lose attraction for you and eventually move on. During a relationship Women occasionally get into moods for seemingly no reason, if you don't call them out on it then it'll get worse and worse, she'll lose respect for you and either break up, stop seeing you, and maybe move cheat. Men will often try to be too nice to Girls for fear of losing them, which will ironically lose them the Girl. It's as observable as the group dynamic between Men giving each other abuse.

I've seen it happen in tonnes of relationships, I know for a fact my girlfriends ex-boyfriend was a push over and that's the reason they broke up, whereas with me she's fine because she knows I'm not a pushover.

 

[Steampunk]

However, my parents have sold the family home and are off to Cyprus next weekend. They have been talking about going for years, but never had the opportunity to, now with the loss of jobs, nearing retirement age and a quick unexpected sale on the house they are off.

And this really hurts. Every reason possible is why it hurts, I've been telling myself to expect it, that it shouldn't bother me. I didn't think it would. I understand it from how I look at things, I remove myself and look at things from another point of view, but then the emotion just slaps me in the face. They have always just been down the road, or a short drive away. They were there when I had nothing and nowhere to go. I always had that "safety net" feeling.

You've got to look at it this way. They've spent a lifetime looking after you, being your safety net. Now they are at the age where they can get a bit of their own life back, they can follow their dreams and enjoy what is probably the start of the sunset of their lives.

You don't want to be the one to stand in their way and deny them their dreams. Yes, you'll miss them, but you should be happy for them too.

 

[RoboCod]

It's a completely observable phenomenon, even Men test other Men in social scenarios. When you see one guy give another a bit of stick, if the other guy gives some back that'll be the end of it or it'll be laughed off, if he gets upset and/or angry then he'll be viewed as weak and end up being the butt of all the jokes. This is especially apparent in a big group of lads.

When you're first speaking to a girl, they'll flirt and have a bit of banter, if your response comes across as weak/lacking confidence then she'll lose attraction for you and eventually move on. During a relationship Women occasionally get into moods for seemingly no reason, if you don't call them out on it then it'll get worse and worse, she'll lose respect for you and either break up, stop seeing you, and maybe move cheat. Men will often try to be too nice to Girls for fear of losing them, which will ironically lose them the Girl. It's as observable as the group dynamic between Men giving each other abuse.

I've seen it happen in tonnes of relationships, I know for a fact my girlfriends ex-boyfriend was a push over and that's the reason they broke up, whereas with me she's fine because she knows I'm not a pushover.

A binary and boring view on what is actually complex social relations of a complex social creature. Whatever you claim to have "observed", it's rarely always that way. I mean sure, it might be for a simple knuckle-dragging oaf, but to the average intelligent human being it's a little bit of a step on from that. Agreed, we have primeval beastly type instincts, but our social development is much more beyond that. It can't be denied, otherwise we'd still be swinging from trees and playing with our own poop.

This is why when people post about being Alpha makes me cringe. It's often stated well out of context and I get the impression a lot of guys really believe being alpha means being "well 'ard"; gobby; a lad. It's far from that. You pretty much touched on the real issue at play though and that it's more or less just men only who are fascinated with this alpha concept and out doing one another over it. Your own example reference the gf ex is perfect. To look down on your foe, competing for your territory, waving our peens hoping it is the biggest and impresses the ladies. Peacocking.

 

[Roar87]

A binary and boring view on what is actually complex social relations of a complex social creature. Whatever you claim to have "observed", it's rarely always that way. I mean sure, it might be for a simple knuckle-dragging oaf, but to the average intelligent human being it's a little bit of a step on from that. Agreed, we have primeval beastly type instincts, but our social development is much more beyond that. It can't be denied, otherwise we'd still be swinging from trees and playing with our own poop.

This is why when people post about being Alpha makes me cringe. It's often stated well out of context and I get the impression a lot of guys really believe being alpha means being "well 'ard"; gobby; a lad. It's far from that. You pretty much touched on the real issue at play though and that it's more or less just men only who are fascinated with this alpha concept and out doing one another over it. Your own example reference the gf ex is perfect. To look down on your foe, competing for your territory, waving our peens hoping it is the biggest and impresses the ladies. Peacocking.

I don't look down on him at all, it's not like that - I actually quite like the guy, he just didn't know how to act in a relationship with someone who can be quite dominant. Go on believing that everyone is a special complex snow flake if you like, just ignore the vast subject that is social science.