she's swiss but she says Christmas day is the 25th and she won't let her daughter open presents until then apart from what her daughter gets from her grandma on the day we visit. so the 25th seems to be of the same importance to her.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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she's swiss but she says Christmas day is the 25th and she won't let her daughter open presents until then apart from what her daughter gets from her grandma on the day we visit. so the 25th seems to be of the same importance to her.
Christmas day is the 25th and rightly so about presents.
Yep 100%. I did a lot of that, she ticked several boxes in many disorders... Narcissistic PD, Borderline PD, Fearful/Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style, Emotional Abuser/Manipulation, and upon lots of reflection it really came down to the fact that she was horrendously insecure and constantly felt the need to make me weak and submissive in order to make herself feel better about herself.[URL="https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/member.php?u=189163" said:
Thanks, that's the way I'm trying to look at it. I certainly feel wiser as a person because of it, and feel far better equipped to spot the signs in future
Amen
It's good to know what I need to do, just need to focus myself and only look forward. I'll get there I'm sure.
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A lot of it is classic insecure guy mindset...
OMFG this girl was THE ONE! blah blah... also getting dumped or stuff not working out is more ego for guys who are not insecure as such.
Life is way too short, everyone must CHOP contact, move on, never, ever look back. EVER. Easy to say, harder to do, but its the only way. There is no other.
OMFG this girl was THE ONE! blah blah... also getting dumped or stuff not working out is more ego for guys who are not insecure as such.
Life is way too short, everyone must CHOP contact, move on, never, ever look back. EVER. Easy to say, harder to do, but its the only way. There is no other.
Yep, not gonna lie, she was my first serious relationship, so that definitely was part of it. When she was not being weird or difficult she was a joy to be with, was very pretty, very much into cars like me, had a similar career path as me, and we had very similar senses of humour.
We had a very strong connection, but she was just too messed up in the head to keep it together, and I was too naive to recognise what she was doing in order to realise how toxic the relationship was and the reality of how much that toxicity outweighed all the 'positive' values mentioned above.
The more people I speak to, the more I hear about them having gone through virtually exactly the same thing... I had no idea how common this was, almost seems like they should include it in the syllabus back at school
We had a very strong connection, but she was just too messed up in the head to keep it together, and I was too naive to recognise what she was doing in order to realise how toxic the relationship was and the reality of how much that toxicity outweighed all the 'positive' values mentioned above.
The more people I speak to, the more I hear about them having gone through virtually exactly the same thing... I had no idea how common this was, almost seems like they should include it in the syllabus back at school
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What on earth are you speaking about?
value my own kicks? Dont appreciate a woman?! Either you are trolling or you have me mixed up with someone else I think.
I even posted links to videos that HELP relationships and people to become stronger.
Bottom line in life is that women dont want weak men, they are like sniffer dogs. If they sense weakness, you are done. Subconsiously they exact tests to see what their mans reaction is. If the man loses his shizzle and becomes totally unglued over something minor... well... the woman then knows this is warning sign, and she will check out of the relationship emotionally, a long time before the guy realises what is going on. Women want a guy to be strong, assertive, unflappable, not some pansy who wobbles like a jelly at the first opportunity.
An exact example of this was a guy on here who posted about woman who was having dinner with male "friend". Normal guy whos secure would be like "ok honey, have fun, but you are so sexy hes bound to be after you" and make a joke about it....whilst showing his masculine strength.
What happened in reality, is guy became totally unhinged and insecure, and asked internet forum for advice thinking that this attitude would not be picked up on in under a second by any woman. They are telepathic for weakness.
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Hmm I wouldn't say all women are the same in that they want their guys to be strong and assertive etc, but I would say most normal mentally healthy women do... I mean who in their right mind would want a complete doormat as partner?
At the start of my relationship I was very assertive, but that just got us into big arguments and fights because she was always pushing me hard in order to establish dominance. But as already mentioned, she was far from mentally healthy
At the start of my relationship I was very assertive, but that just got us into big arguments and fights because she was always pushing me hard in order to establish dominance. But as already mentioned, she was far from mentally healthy
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Hmm I wouldn't say all women are the same in that they want their guys to be strong and assertive etc, but I would say most normal mentally healthy women do... I mean who in their right mind would want a complete doormat as partner?
At the start of my relationship I was very assertive, but that just got us into big arguments and fights because she was always pushing me hard in order to establish dominance. But as already mentioned, she was far from mentally healthy
Yeah thats the issue... you start off fine! Then slowly get ground into literally complete insanity, where you actually forget who you even were, what you stood for as a man, and where you stand with anything. Its all consuming, and tiring, and demoralising, and generally just a rubbish way to live LIFE. Who wants that? Sometimes you have to go through it at least once, in order to say to yourself never, ever again, and have the experience to spot these behaviour patterns before you get too emtionally attached.
Like I said before, its happened to MARINES, bodybuilders, the strongest men you could imagine. There is no shame in this, people underestimate the emtional power and hold some women can excersise over men, but thats fine isnt it guys? Thats "liberalism" or feminism or whatever.
Having a HEALTHY relationship and maintaining ATTRACTION is all about staying true to yourself....your woman is doing something you are not happy with? You must call it out, you must articulate your feelings and make it known you do not find this a way to be treated. It can only go two ways...:- you either get respected for it and things change for the better, or she just doesnt care how you feel at all, in which case they are not worth having as a partner.
A relationship is a partnership, its a two way street. Its not all about a guy constantly feeling insecure and wondering about where he stands fearful of ever putting a foot wrong and treading on eggshells for the entire time paranoid he has upset the woman. Thats not a relationship, thats emotional abuse.
PS if it was me in the position of my girl going off for dinner with a "guy friend" Id make a joke... something like "well baby, you are looking so sexy tonight no wonder he wants to take you out, you just call if he cant keep his hands to himself!" or something like that. Not go into MELTDOWN and let it ruin my day. Ultimately, if someones gonna cheat, they are gonna cheat and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. Women dont cheat when they are getting what they need/want at home. If they are not, then its easy to spot the warning signs and do something about it before its too late. Unfortunatly, we are pretty bad as men for spotting these signs, and end up shocked, hurt and upset, when the inevitable happens and she leaves/cheats/meets someone else "out of the blue" (to us) but has really been unhappy for ages.
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This really spoke out to me.
Was in a 6 year fling with a complete sexy psycho (she was a 9 crazy and a 8 hot so deep in the danger zone on the crazy/hot chart).
After a few years started attacking me during arguments (she was like 5'0 aka fun sized), i'd never fight back or raise a hand so she sore it as weakness which would make her crazier. Thought i could fix her and i love a challenge, big mistake.
Now i don't take no guff from any lass and quite happy being a free manbeast and gaming.
Lol you sound 12
There is some truth in what he says, some men would rather bury their head in the sand and ignore it because of fear of being alone or hoping one day it will get better.
Only if you believe that all people are the same and want exactly the same thing.
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Sounds like a deal breaker to me,If she doesn't like who you really are then your not compatible imo.
If i was in this situation id call off the wedding for sure.
Woman are so bloody hard to understand though,One day theyre okay the next cold as ice.
[Bruce]Run to the hills .. run for your life! [/Bruce]
I thought I'd just quote this for truth. I've said something similar on here before but I'll reiterate.
I decided to stand by the woman I loved, some years ago now.
It nearly ruined me.
You cannot fix people who are ill like that. You will have good days, or months or even years. But sooner or later their illness will reassert itself. It will become all consuming for them and by extension it will be a sucking black hole for you; taking everything you are prepared to give and more besides. Draining the life and the love out of both of you and your relationship.
If you think you are strong enough to shoulder that then more power to you.
I thought I was.
The truth is I wasn't - nobody is.
The only thing that matters is how long it takes for you to stop deceiving yourself about it and accept the hard reality of the choice you will have to make sooner or later.
Better to take ownership of that decision rather than have someone else, who you love, callously make it for you.
Ha. It still stings a tiny bit when I look back on it 
I thought I'd just quote this for truth. I've said something similar on here before but I'll reiterate.
I decided to stand by the woman I loved, some years ago now.
It nearly ruined me.
You cannot fix people who are ill like that. You will have good days, or months or even years. But sooner or later their illness will reassert itself. It will become all consuming for them and by extension it will be a sucking black hole for you; taking everything you are prepared to give and more besides. Draining the life and the love out of both of you and your relationship.
If you think you are strong enough to shoulder that then more power to you.
I thought I was.
The truth is I wasn't - nobody is.
The only thing that matters is how long it takes for you to stop deceiving yourself about it and accept the hard reality of the choice you will have to make sooner or later.
Better to take ownership of that decision rather than have someone else, who you love, callously make it for you.
Ha. It still stings a tiny bit when I look back on it
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There is generally truth in what a 12 year old says. However, they just lack the maturity and wisdom to see how things aren't as simple as they see it. So yes, the poster sounds like a 12 year old.
Ok then, explain?
I thought the explanation would be obvious
Life is far more complicated than TrafficMaster summarised. Boiling everything down to a man having to be in control, being "sniffer dogs", beta/alpha etc. etc. is misguided and wrong. Some woman definitely wouldn't want a man who is in charge for example. Horses for courses as the saying goes.