The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Steampunk]

Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.

Get rid. You've tried to make it work a few times, it isn't happening. You were dating, she was still having a friend with benefits, so that's probably what you are to her too. However, she doesn't like it when you do the same thing, and throws a strop when you treat her the way she treats you.

She's just not that into you. Best move on and find someone who is.

 

[Arsonist]

Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.

Get rid!

Absolutely no point in suffering for someone else if you're not in the right frame of mind to begin with. She already sounds very manipulative. Stay as friends at best. But if possible remove her from you life until you're sorted.

 

[Sinny]

Seems like a few details missing.. Maybe that's the original problem
Were you exclusive while she was sleeping with the guy?
How long had you been dating?
Was your date really just for friends?
Why was she annoyed you went on the date?




Ha, agree with you for the first time

There is a lot of detail missing, I'm keeping it short because We have known each other for just over a year and there's too much to cover.

No we weren't, however 2 weeks previously she asked me if I would be upset if she slept with someone else (I said yes, as we're dating and it felt like it was heading Long term). I know it's not cheating, but it does say to me that she really isn't interested in seeing me.

We have been dating since about the end of August, so a few months.

The date was for friends. I felt angry at the fact she slept with someone else and needed to get out the house and meet new people as I currently have no friends where I live at the moment. It was a date, I'm not going to deny that but I had no intention of pursuing it as a relationship.

I didn't tell her until she asked me who the girl was who liked my status on facebook, I told her I had been on a dates with her (dont know why I said dates as I only seen her once).

The truth is she stood me up twice early on because she had problems trusting (alarm bells should have gone off). I told her not to worry about it, and we're probably just best staying friends, which we did.

This whole situation has blown up inside my head. I'm trying to be very positive while dealing with a mental illness and despite the fact she didn't want to date early on.

 

[Sinny]

Get rid. You've tried to make it work a few times, it isn't happening. You were dating, she was still having a friend with benefits, so that's probably what you are to her too. However, she doesn't like it when you do the same thing, and throws a strop when you treat her the way she treats you.

She's just not that into you. Best move on and find someone who is.

Thanks, it's always better when someone puts it in black and white.

She isn't manipulative, atleast I dont think she is. But it's a situation where I found someone I really do like only for her to throw it in my face as if it isn't an issue.

Is it just me, but if you're dating for a few months and then they call a friend over who they only "sometimes" have sex with just a massive smack to the face? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.

I currently find it hard to sort through thoughts, so writing this down is my best answer.

edit - the current distrust on her part comes from me not telling her I went on a date, yet she told me she slept with someone.

I really don't need someone who's going to throw that in my face at the minute. I work away from home most of the week which I find difficult enough.

 

[dante6491]

Roll to the previous Saturday and she questioned who this girl who liked our tagged status was. I told her I met for for a date and since then she's proceeded to ignore me until we had an argument today.

I know what the answer is, but writing it down (the short hand version) is helping me make sense a bit better.

Can someone tell me to get rid, I pretty much know that's the answer, but something I dont want to admit to is holding me back.

I'm currently waiting to see the doctor on Friday as I currently suffer from depression and this whole shagsack of a situation really isn't helping.

The lass seems to like you, and you seem to like her, but are both seeing other people?

Might be a bit anti-GD here but how about you both sit down and talk about it? We seem to live in this world of fluid relationships where unless you're explicit in exclusivity it is not really on the card. Tell her you don't want to see other people and see what she says first.

 

[A2Z]

There is a lot of detail missing, I'm keeping it short because We have known each other for just over a year and there's too much to cover.

No we weren't, however 2 weeks previously she asked me if I would be upset if she slept with someone else (I said yes, as we're dating and it felt like it was heading Long term). I know it's not cheating, but it does say to me that she really isn't interested in seeing me.

We have been dating since about the end of August, so a few months.

The date was for friends. I felt angry at the fact she slept with someone else and needed to get out the house and meet new people as I currently have no friends where I live at the moment. It was a date, I'm not going to deny that but I had no intention of pursuing it as a relationship.

I didn't tell her until she asked me who the girl was who liked my status on facebook, I told her I had been on a dates with her (dont know why I said dates as I only seen her once).

The truth is she stood me up twice early on because she had problems trusting (alarm bells should have gone off). I told her not to worry about it, and we're probably just best staying friends, which we did.

This whole situation has blown up inside my head. I'm trying to be very positive while dealing with a mental illness and despite the fact she didn't want to date early on.

If a long term relationship is what you want then it will not happen with this girl.

If you don't mind having her as a side chick just to have fun with (like she is doing with you and this other guy) then just keep 'seeing' her.

 

[Heofz]

Sinny, biggest red flag for me here is she's keeping an eye on people liking your Facebook statuses, whilst still sleeping with other people then giving you the cold shoulder treatment (ignoring you) for doing the same. All this, after you told her you wouldn't like it if she slept with someone else.

... and after reading everything else you said? Run mate.

If she's pulling all these stunts already, it's going to be nothing but pain down the line, I promise you.

All my friends and family were telling me to leave my ex during the early signs of her emotional manipulation and sordid behaviour, I didn't listen to them because I was weak and didn't want to lose her. But in hindsight I 100% wish I did (apart from the fact that the experience taught me some valuable lessons).

 

[413x]

Now I cant say for sure if you didn't make it clear to her you were exclusive or if she is messing got about.
If you've been dating (and properly dating not just sex) since August and this happened very recently, I'd expect her to be absolutely only seeing you.

Buuuut Im not sure if this is the case as you had a "date" with someone else?

Re reading, you weren't clearly exclusive. If this is the case she hasn't really been terrible.
Maybe the above post is right. If it really is a misunderstanding you could talk about it?

But if you're anything like me (only really after long term) the fact she didn't see what you had as exclusive would put me off.

But the date you had still makes me wonder if you even like her. Ie subconsciously you moved on?

Edit. Didn't see the trust thing. I'd say best move on. And don't be friends of you like her more than a friend.
Next time.. No dates for you if you think you're exclusive with a girl!

On the depression.. Are you making progress?

 

[Sinny]

The lass seems to like you, and you seem to like her, but are both seeing other people?

Might be a bit anti-GD here but how about you both sit down and talk about it? We seem to live in this world of fluid relationships where unless you're explicit in exclusivity it is not really on the card. Tell her you don't want to see other people and see what she says first.

I have told her I dont want to date other people, I have always been very open with her and told her this not so long ago.

she has told me she does like me and wants to date, she has issues with her ex as he had depression apparently and used to cheat on her.

It does all get very complicated.

I do think we need to sit down and talk about it like adults, but I really don't think she will. She was incredibly cavalier about sleeping with someone else, which really did upset me.

I probably should have told her I went to see someone else, But what annoys me is she thinks it's ok to sleep with someone yet when I go and date someone else to meet new people she gets upset.

God knows how I'm actually coping with this.

 

[Sinny]

Now I cant say for sure if you didn't make it clear to her you were exclusive or if she is messing got about.
If you've been dating (and properly dating not just sex) since August and this happened very recently, I'd expect her to be absolutely only seeing you.

Buuuut Im not sure if this is the case as you had a "date" with someone else?

Re reading, you weren't clearly exclusive. If this is the case she hasn't really been terrible.
Maybe the above post is right. If it really is a misunderstanding you could talk about it?

But if you're anything like me (only really after long term) the fact she didn't see what you had as exclusive would put me off.

But the date you had still makes me wonder if you even like her. Ie subconsciously you moved on?

Edit. Didn't see the trust thing. I'd say best move on. And don't be friends of you like her more than a friend.
Next time.. No dates for you if you think you're exclusive with a girl!

On the depression.. Are you making progress?

I have tried for a while to do the whole "no to drugs" situation. However working away, relationship problems and the lack of friends I can see during the week made me sort myself out.

I started on medication for an anxiety issue which helped over a month ago and I'm booked to see my GP on Friday as I just want some relief from the depression. This whole situation hasn't helped and I've had to book a few days sick this week to deal with.

It's impacting my work to be frank, and I've tried so long to get this apprenticeship I don't need anything getting in the way.

I don't date anyone I just want to bang, I'll go to clubs If I want a one nighter as I really don't want an emotional tie with someone from a sex based relationship.

Dating for me is an exclusive option after a few dates, However her sleeping with someone else but wanting to maintain dating me tells me she just wants a bang. And I really don't do that, I find it very hard to believe.

 

[Steampunk]

Is it just me, but if you're dating for a few months and then they call a friend over who they only "sometimes" have sex with just a massive smack to the face? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.

I currently find it hard to sort through thoughts, so writing this down is my best answer.

edit - the current distrust on her part comes from me not telling her I went on a date, yet she told me she slept with someone.

I really don't need someone who's going to throw that in my face at the minute. I work away from home most of the week which I find difficult enough.

If you're dating like that, and she's having sex with an old sex buddy, and telling you after the fact - she doesn't get to claim the moral high ground because you went on a date with someone else. Pretty sure banging some other bloke automatically means she loses the argument of "who did worse" in your circumstances.

In the end, if she cared for you, she's be interested in spending time with you, not banging her long-term ****-buddy.

Given the other stuff you're going through at the moment, this woman is just going to make you feel worse as she manipulates and confuses you, and you will feel that she's being unfaithful and betraying you. And quite frankly, you're not in a place where you can mentally/emotionally cope with it. Get out and find someone that will support you when you need it (like now), not tear you down and make things worse.

You might like the idea of a relationship with this woman because you fancy her, but the reality is that she will screw you up.

 

[413x]

I have tried for a while to do the whole "no to drugs" situation. However working away, relationship problems and the lack of friends I can see during the week made me sort myself out.

I started on medication for an anxiety issue which helped over a month ago and I'm booked to see my GP on Friday as I just want some relief from the depression. This whole situation hasn't helped and I've had to book a few days sick this week to deal with.

It's impacting my work to be frank, and I've tried so long to get this apprenticeship I don't need anything getting in the way.

I don't date anyone I just want to bang, I'll go to clubs If I want a one nighter as I really don't want an emotional tie with someone from a sex based relationship.

Dating for me is an exclusive option after a few dates, However her sleeping with someone else but wanting to maintain dating me tells me she just wants a bang. And I really don't do that, I find it very hard to believe.

Or sounds like this girl is bad for you whatever. I'd just cut her out completely.she's got double standards. Last thing you need is a head **** while trying to deal with work and depression.

I had to go on anti depression tablets year and a bit ago, wasn't going to say no to anything that helps. I also found exercise (in my case the gym) to be best thing. Gives you a mechanical goal with no body to stop you. Focuses the mind, confidence, positive hormones etc. Probably the single most important part of getting it under control.

Absolutely do not let a girl cause you work hassles, work is also a good distraction, goal etc.

Girls come and go.

I think you know what to do. She's the biggest negative in your life.
If I were you, id go on one off dates maybe, if you have to, but do not get into anything long term. Ideally give it a rest entirely.

When youre 'better' and ready. Maybe restart it

 

[Gzero]

Sinny, get this through your skull: she is not the one, no one gives a damn what she thinks, she is just an another self entitled selfish idiot.

Do not try to change her, do not change yourself for her. Move on.

 

[TrafficMaster]

Girl has sex with another guy then ignores you/gets stroppy and you have to ask what to do???!

On the other discussion, I have a girl at work who I really really liked, she really liked me, asked me for a drink all the time, invited me round to her house when her BF was away on business..... OK we fell out and I sort of ruined it, but the main point is, she is desperately unhappy.. u know what she said? My BF loves me but its boring, I want to be dominated.

I kid you not... Just another re-enforcement of what we have all been saying in this thread. She is too weak and insecure to leave and be on her own, but as soon as she meets someone, you can gaurantee she will be off, and that guy will be saying to himself "omg I did everything for her, how could she do this? etc etc"

When guys think they are doing EVERYTHING for a woman, usually it means just being nice to them and doing material/helpful things for her, instead of the real definition of EVERYTHING which is maintaining attraction, being strong, having opinions and being true to yourself.

 

[Roar87]

If you're the kind of guy who doesn't know what to do when a girl bangs a dude the day after seeing you then is it any wonder she isn't attracted to you?

 

[PermaChanged]

If you're the kind of guy who doesn't know what to do when a girl bangs a dude the day after seeing you then is it any wonder she isn't attracted to you?

I'm too proud to go allow myself to go back to a girl who would do this sort of thing, sure I'd set up an FWB relationship though, I'm also way too nice to flip my lid at that behaviour, or emotionally disinterested in anyone at the moment, so I'd genuinely wish them all the best and say "hope you had a good time". I'm currently in a situation where I have 3 FWB's, whilst on the lookout for something more serious - the FWB's are aware that that's all they are.

 

[ChrisD.]

Starting to get fed up of meeting women who I get on with really well, exchange numbers and then it fizzles out or they get back with an ex etc. I'm not insinuation that I would considerer them as long term potentials, but it would be nice if a few lead to actual dates rather than something always seeming to get in the way.

 

[Tefal]

You are such a ****! (begins SL it shouldnt be censored lol)

Reminds me of a very almost incestuous friends group who each of them banged each other at different points...all still remained friends though. (2 guys 4 women)

Oh christ yeah, my friend circle is now purely friends with benifits.

Need to get some guy friends again lol.

But theyre all pretty boss friends to be fair to them. (Most dont know eafh other but a few do) J the one who set me up this week got me 2 of her friends for my birthday sadly on 2 seperate days not at once

 

[Tefal]

My girlfriend doesn't play games, she's just a girl, occasionally she'll be moody - like every woman I've ever known - and on these occasions it's better for me to tell her she's being moody and to knock it off, rather than pandering to her emotional whims. By doing this she respects me, something which is absolutely crucial to female attraction. This isn't conscious game playing or a "test", it's simply how women interact with other people and Men especially. I'm not the butt of any abuse I assure you. I openly welcome the kind of Male banter I was talking about earlier because it's good fun.

Congratulations on a girl you know setting you up with another girl (who Squats apparently, so do I by the way - 150kg before my holiday). Let's hope this girl doesn't engage with you in some light hearted flirting, because she'll be playing the aforementioned games subconsciously and you'll have to walk away.

Interesting so youve gone from supporting it being a "test" to it being your girlfirned just has enotions and when she opens up to you you tell her to knock it off and shut down fiscussion.

That sounds healthy.

You're a guy not sure why you doing squats is a factor here? unless of course thats an attempt at seduction but despite what you've heard about me theres very few guys id shag these days. No offense im sure your squat grown bubble butt is very attractive x (if you weigh less than 70kg feel free to put up a pic, who knows i may get a hankering for a twink)

She already has done the flirting along with the nude pics. Only "game" has been when she (rather poorly) side tracked the conversation to mention how her friend had a threeaome and how she doesnt like it if a guy asks her to have one, which is just her making sure i dont ask for one with her and the other girl. But thats not an issue as J is straight

 

[Tefal]

Starting to get fed up of meeting women who I get on with really well, exchange numbers and then it fizzles out or they get back with an ex etc. I'm not insinuation that I would considerer them as long term potentials, but it would be nice if a few lead to actual dates rather than something always seeming to get in the way.

Its cause you dont see them as long term they pick up on it and decide its not worth it