The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Surfer]

Did he maybe make a pre-emptive strike friendzoning himself before he thought you were going to friendzone him?

Without going into details. Was there flirty shenanigans and romantic stuff going on? Or were you more like best buds?


ohh but yeah

 

[Narj]

We'd been out for more than 2 dates Those were just the 2 dates we've had this past week before he changed his mind out of the blue.
Main insecurities seemed to be about his attractiveness (he's got nothing to worry about) and also some lifelong health issues he's got (which I was understanding of).

Sounds like his loss. I've had someone do a180 on me after 3 months which made no sense considering there were talks of arranging holidays, maybe moving in together down the line etc... Some people are just nuts and don't know what they want.

 

[Steampunk]

I probably should have done that in hindsight. He's fairly insecure about a lot of things while also keen to be the 'gentleman' so I was worried I'd be stepping on his toes. I stuck with providing him with numerous compliments where possible.
It didn't feel like it had fizzled out though. What with two dates in less than a week. One (only last Tuesday) involved him serenading me with romantic songs and a guitar.

You over-thought things. If you felt like making a move, you should have made a move.

 

[datalol-jack]

You over-thought things. If you felt like making a move, you should have made a move.

My thoughts exactly:

 

[Haly]

Did he maybe make a pre-emptive strike friendzoning himself before he thought you were going to friendzone him?

Without going into details. Was there flirty shenanigans and romantic stuff going on? Or were you more like best buds?


ohh but yeah

Oh yeah, we flirted a fair amount and we knew we were dating rather than just meeting up. Just a few days ago, he was still calling them dates.

Sounds like his loss. I've had someone do a180 on me after 3 months which made no sense considering there were talks of arranging holidays, maybe moving in together down the line etc... Some people are just nuts and don't know what they want.

Yeah, only last week he was making suggestions of where we could go for a date next etc.

You over-thought things. If you felt like making a move, you should have made a move.

Yeah, I know But I hadn't dated in a long time before this so it made me wimpier.

My thoughts exactly:

I acted perfectly sane and relaxed, honest

 

[Narj]

My thoughts exactly:

You really can't generalise like this because different people have different ideas about what sort of timeline things should progress over. The problem is that people never talk about it.

I'm actually surprised the human race sustains itself in western society sometimes.

 

[datalol-jack]

You really can't generalise like this because different people have different ideas about what sort of timeline things should progress over. The problem is that people never talk about it.

I'm actually surprised the human race sustains itself in western society sometimes.

Tis nothing. Try procreating in Japan as your average salaryman ... I dare you!

 

[Haly]

You really can't generalise like this because different people have different ideas about what sort of timeline things should progress over. The problem is that people never talk about it.

I'm actually surprised the human race sustains itself in western society sometimes.

We did have a brief discussion about taking things slowly so yeah....Maybe we needed to talk about it again? Assuming that was the issue as tbh I don't know if it was. It'd be spectacularly stupid if it was, as I encouraged him as much as possible bar making the move myself.

 

[Narj]

Tis nothing. Try procreating in Japan as your average salaryman ... I dare you!

Isn't this compounded by a shift in attitudes amongst Japanese women though? If I remember rightly, they are much less inclined to want children nowadays.

Can't blame them not wanting it given the typical attitude towards women there.

 

[datalol-jack]

We did have a brief discussion about taking things slowly so yeah....Maybe we needed to talk about it again? Assuming that was the issue as tbh I don't know if it was. It'd be spectacularly stupid if it was, as I encouraged him as much as possible bar making the move myself.

The guitar moment sounded perfect, tbf. He probably overthought it as well.

Isn't this compounded by a shift in attitudes amongst Japanese women though? If I remember rightly, they are much less inclined to want children nowadays.

Can't blame them not wanting it given the typical attitude towards women there.

It's a mix. The men are battered with work, women want more out of life; both are two tired to hunt after dark. The social structure also makes meeting people even in your circle of colleagues and acquaintances hard.

 

[Haly]

The guitar moment sounded perfect, tbf. He probably overthought it as well.

It was! Most romantic date I've ever been on. I was an idiot for not making a move and I've no idea why he didn't either. Or how it was only a week ago and this happened.

 

[datalol-jack]

It was! Most romantic date I've ever been on. I was an idiot for not making a move and I've no idea why he didn't either. Or how it was only a week ago and this happened.

I should stay out of this thread. I get too emotionally involved, but sometimes it's better than telenovelas! Oh well. Cast your net wide, I suppose. Next time ask the guy to teach you how to play the guitar.

 

[Haly]

I should stay out of this thread. I get too emotionally involved, but sometimes it's better than telenovelas! Oh well. Cast your net wide, I suppose. Next time ask the guy to teach you how to play the guitar.

Hehe, thanks for the thought
This one taught me a couple of chords on the same date, then said he'd teach me more another time.

 

[Steampunk]

It was! Most romantic date I've ever been on. I was an idiot for not making a move and I've no idea why he didn't either. Or how it was only a week ago and this happened.

He probably thought his big romantic date was making a move. How more obvious can you get? The fact that you then didn't respond with romantic intent made him think you weren't interested and he was making a fool of himself.

Both of you were too embarrassed to say what you wanted (even if you understood it about yourself), so you both got the wrong end of the stick. A perfect example of why life is not a Hollywood romantic comedy where obvious misunderstandings and an unwillingness to be honest and open leads to hilarious happenings and a happy ending. Life doesn't happen that way - you have to make it go the way you want.

 

[Narj]

Hehe, thanks for the thought
This one taught me a couple of chords on the same date, then said he'd teach me more another time.

Meh learn piano, much better. You can play duets!

Steampunk is right though. So many of us are so terrified of being hurt that we just won't take that leap.

 

[datalol-jack]

Meh learn piano, much better. You can play duets!

Steampunk is right though. So many of us are so terrified of being hurt that we just won't take that leap.

If we're going that way, then pottery surely?

 

[Haly]

He probably thought his big romantic date was making a move. How more obvious can you get? The fact that you then didn't respond with romantic intent made him think you weren't interested and he was making a fool of himself.

Both of you were too embarrassed to say what you wanted (even if you understood it about yourself), so you both got the wrong end of the stick. A perfect example of why life is not a Hollywood romantic comedy where obvious misunderstandings and an unwillingness to be honest and open leads to hilarious happenings and a happy ending. Life doesn't happen that way - you have to make it go the way you want.

Maybe, and I certainly wish I'd made the move. Although, we did have another date after that. I texted him late Saturday night and in passing said how sexy I found his guitar playing. Sunday, he sent an appreciative reply then 5 minutes later asked me out to the cinema that evening. Less romantic a time (Ken Loach isn't exactly a hot date night ) but no sign there was anything different going on and we had a good time.

Meh learn piano, much better. You can play duets!

Steampunk is right though. So many of us are so terrified of being hurt that we just won't take that leap.

Good thinking
I'm guessing there's no way of coming back from all this really?

If we're going that way, then pottery surely?

I'd rather piano

 

[Narj]

Good thinking
I'm guessing there's no way of coming back from all this really?

I'd rather piano

Guys don't do the same emotional lockout thing that girls do so soon. it takes more time for us in most cases.

There's a good chance that if you lay your cards on the table that it can be rescued.

As always, people are individuals so there's no guarantee. I just wish people were more honest with each other when dating because it's driven me mad the past few years.

 

[Steampunk]

Good thinking
I'm guessing there's no way of coming back from all this really?

Yeah, there is. Ask him on a date, tell him you're not happy being friendzoned, you want more, you should have made a move, then make a move.

It's easier for women.

 

[Haly]

Guys don't do the same emotional lockout thing that girls do so soon. it takes more time for us in most cases.

There's a good chance that if you lay your cards on the table that it can be rescued.

As always, people are individuals so there's no guarantee. I just wish people were more honest with each other when dating because it's driven me mad the past few years.

Worth a shot, I guess then!

I tried my best to be honest about most things in our time together because I hate game playing and afaik he was the same, but we might have both messed up on this front.

Yeah, there is. Ask him on a date, tell him you're not happy being friendzoned, you want more, you should have made a move, then make a move.

It's easier for women.

Well, as he's said he still wants to see me as he really enjoys my company that's probably a good angle to pursue!