Long term this is bad advice (going to the pub), short term there's worse things to do than have a few drinks and be around other people
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Long term this is bad advice (going to the pub), short term there's worse things to do than have a few drinks and be around other people
I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years and recently started sleeping with. It's good (soooo good) but we agreed from the start it was just going to be a bit of fun as we live at opposite ends of the county (almost)
We have been texting each other in between a few visits (pictures and stuff). We seem to have reversed roles as I think I am (or have) fallen for her. Is it usual to wake up at 3:30am thinking about someone and thinking about them during the day more often than you would like?
I have previously slept with a few girls but they have been one night stands or holiday things that only lasted a day or 2. This one I have liked and been friends with for a couple of years. We have agreed a couple more visits then a proposed end date so we can start dating (and sleeping) with other people, she is already dating by the sounds of it and I am messaging someone but not yet met.
Can long distance relationships work somehow? I have a friend who suddenly married a girl living in... Vancouver! How the hell that works god only knows
There's literally no such thing as the perfect circumstance for a relationship, there's always obstacles, they can be overcome if you want them to be.
I agree, but being alone at home is worse.
Oh yeah, I used to go out 6 nights a week just to get out of the house when I broke up with an ex, I didn't drink more than a few pints so it wasn't too bad. Long term though you should be looking at more constructive use of your time.
Right now you'll think it's a good idea as you'll have nothing but good intentions and write nice things but it will end up being one of the biggest things you look back on and regret.
She isn't likely to go back at all, from what ROSSI is saying she has made her mind up, plenty of us have been in this situation before and most of the time, almost always, they moved on well before it all came out.
I wouldn't do it with the experience I've had, but your emotions are really high right now so I don't think you're going to listen to too much that anyone says here, and as for going silent, you won't do that either, you're going to struggle and again once you've moved on in the future, you'll regret all these things.
So I got home tonight and she isn't here. She's left a note telling me she has made me some breakfast, portioned some food into meals in the fridge for me and to make sure I'm eating ok. Then she said to let her know when I want her to come round to sort everything.
Whilst she has moved on she still cares for you, but don't let yourself think this means she still wants to be with you, as cold as it sounds.
Wish you all the best, there's loads of good replies to you from the things you've posted, try and take them in.
ROSSI - So sorry to hear that your relationship has failed. It will be very tough for a while but good luck.
I don't see this one ending well.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Again wishing you the best of luck.
I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years and recently started sleeping with. It's good (soooo good) but we agreed from the start it was just going to be a bit of fun as we live at opposite ends of the county (almost)
We have been texting each other in between a few visits (pictures and stuff
I have previously slept with a few girls but they have been one night stands or holiday things that only lasted a day or 2. This one I have liked and been friends with for a couple of years. We have agreed a couple more visits then a proposed end date so we can start dating (and sleeping) with other people, she is already dating by the sounds of it and I am messaging someone but not yet met.
Can long distance relationships work somehow? I have a friend who suddenly married a girl living in... Vancouver! How the hell that works god only knows
I don't see this one ending well.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that. Again wishing you the best of luck.
I don't really think it had a start, it just sort of caught me by surprise as was only supposed to be some fun
ROSSI you had the best advice a man can get. Don't waste any more time on her, you will only lower yourself esteem and your value. Find another girl, even an elite escort to rise your self esteem and cure your oneitis.
Remember you are the prize! Any girl will be lucky to have you! Don't throw pearls before swine like your ex!
Remember you are the prize! Any girl will be lucky to have you! Don't throw pearls before swine like your ex!
An elite escort? To raise self esteem? That's just paying for sex. This really isn't the time or place for that. Nor do I see how that would ever boost self esteem!
If you are so inclined, get a gym membership. There are no real negatives.
Endorphins
Tangible goals
Helps self esteem (did me)
Gets you out of the house
Takes your focus
That was by far my best overall aid
Also taking up reading again was only thing that could distract me during home alone hours
I'd agree with this.
Doing escorts really isn't the thing to be doing to raise your self esteem. All it will do is further entrench embitterment and ideas of women being disposable and not worth your attention.
Do a few slappers from the pub for a laugh, by all means. Get an arrangement, but escorts are not a solution.
Do a few slappers from the pub for a laugh, by all means. Get an arrangement, but escorts are not a solution.
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Scarcity + hope of NAWALT > Pedalisation > cucked > half your bank + suicidal thoughts. Thanks 413x
How do you fix that? Create abundance. It produces a mindset that allows you to relax and not worry about if a plate falls off. There are no whores in the jungle and the best way is to hunt a girl yourself but ROSSI seems dangerously overdosed on the blue pill and it will be the best treatment, while he works on getting a therapeutic level of red pill. Nothing is worse than him writing a letter to her after her tsar bomba of disrespect.
How do you fix that? Create abundance. It produces a mindset that allows you to relax and not worry about if a plate falls off. There are no whores in the jungle and the best way is to hunt a girl yourself but ROSSI seems dangerously overdosed on the blue pill and it will be the best treatment, while he works on getting a therapeutic level of red pill. Nothing is worse than him writing a letter to her after her tsar bomba of disrespect.
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So I got home tonight and she isn't here. She's left a note telling me she has made me some breakfast, portioned some food into meals in the fridge for me and to make sure I'm eating ok. Then she said to let her know when I want her to come round to sort everything.
Again I'm sorry brother... I know it's hard but go speak to a solicitor so you're 100% sure what your rights are in this situation, before having her come over to discuss things. If you have to tell her you're seeking legal representation then so be it, but just stress that its only so you can make sure things are done properly.
If I was you mate, I'd toss the food she's obviously feeling guilty about things but eating it will probably effect more than your hunger.
Thank you sir. Dinner date on Sunday confirmed
I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years and recently started sleeping with. It's good (soooo good) but we agreed from the start it was just going to be a bit of fun as we live at opposite ends of the county (almost)
We have been texting each other in between a few visits (pictures and stuff
I have previously slept with a few girls but they have been one night stands or holiday things that only lasted a day or 2. This one I have liked and been friends with for a couple of years. We have agreed a couple more visits then a proposed end date so we can start dating (and sleeping) with other people, she is already dating by the sounds of it and I am messaging someone but not yet met.
Can long distance relationships work somehow? I have a friend who suddenly married a girl living in... Vancouver! How the hell that works god only knows
You agreed to add sex to your friendship. You agreed that it was just a bit of fun. You've agreed an end point to the sexual add-on to your friendship so that either or both of you can have monogamous sexual relationships with other people.
Radically changing those agreements is a big deal that would require both of you to agree to the change. I wouldn't fancy betting on it myself. I think it's much more likely that it'll end badly, either with you telling her and her being upset at you not keeping to the agreement ("we agreed from the start it was just going to be a bit of fun") or with you not telling her and being upset at her dating other people. Either way, friendship over in an ugly way. "I think I am (or have) fallen for her" sounds like an uncertain reason to me. If you were sure, then it would be more likely to be worth the risk on the basis that telling her has a small chance of working out well and not telling her would be guaranteed to work out badly.
Soldato
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Wait, 379 pages in, and we have another divorce/breakup? The counselling bit is failing somewhere, methinks.
No just many people are capable of seeing something is over rather than dragging it out.
The problem was on her side any effort for cha ge was going to have to come from her for it to have any chance of working.
Recommending couples therapy because it failed to save your relationship is quite pointless
Nope terrible idea. Youre just setting yourself up to be sat on the hook with your life on hold.
Even if you say dont reply if youre not interested youll be sat waiitng for it.
Just move on accept that its over and start lookibg forward.
What youre doinfmg in the way youve worded that is attwmpt to blackmail her into comming back.
Think that puts you at the bargaining stage of greif
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Don't be afraid to get yourself some counselling R.O.S.S.I. I had a painful breakup last year and ended up in a very dark place, but finding a good counselor really helped me enormously, not only in getting over the breakup but also some underlying issues from way back that I'd never really addressed.
She's left it in my court, she knows its in her interest not contact me and will be waiting for me to get in touch when i feel ok. I think she thinks just leaving me to it is the best course of action.
Yeh the letter is just all my hopes and dreams, i'm just still in shock with it all I think. Ive not messaged her or anything yet but im thinking about just working out basic financials for the house bills and saying lets sort it now rather than later.
I have a good friend who is/was a counsellor who has told me to go see her next week for a catch up. Not using her as a counsellor but she is a good person to talk to.
She isn't a swine though and I dont want to end up resenting her or hating her. Shes broke my heart but she isnt a bad person or done this intentionally. An escort isnt the answer atm i'm afraid.
Sorry I don't follow any of what you've said.
I'll see if i can grab one for about 5 minutes to run it by her what to do.
It doesnt feel like an attempt at blackmail just feels like an attempt to salvage it.