The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Guest2 said:
I have a friend who i've known for a couple of years and recently started sleeping with. It's good (soooo good) but we agreed from the start it was just going to be a bit of fun as we live at opposite ends of the county (almost)

We have been texting each other in between a few visits (pictures and stuff ;) ). We seem to have reversed roles as I think I am (or have) fallen for her. Is it usual to wake up at 3:30am thinking about someone and thinking about them during the day more often than you would like?

I have previously slept with a few girls but they have been one night stands or holiday things that only lasted a day or 2. This one I have liked and been friends with for a couple of years. We have agreed a couple more visits then a proposed end date so we can start dating (and sleeping) with other people, she is already dating by the sounds of it and I am messaging someone but not yet met.

Can long distance relationships work somehow? I have a friend who suddenly married a girl living in... Vancouver! How the hell that works god only knows
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friends with benefits is very difficult ground.


my main advice ifr you're going to do it have more than 1

as you adjust from normal mopnogamous life to fwb you're going to go through a patch of jelousey. you can either quit then or ride thorugh it (ideally on some other people) and you'll end up in a stable fwb situation. but other partners of thiers may eventually force the monogamay issue aso you have to be redy for that.

if its a proper relationship with them then your job is to step back and be happy for your FRIEND not use your firnedship osition to manipulate her staying with you.

and all of the above visA VERSA FOR HER,
 
Narj said:
Doing escorts really isn't the thing to be doing to raise your self esteem. All it will do is further entrench embitterment and ideas of women being disposable and not worth your attention.

Do a few slappers from the pub for a laugh, by all means. Get an arrangement, but escorts are not a solution.
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I find doing escorts for free is a bizarrely satisfying thing for your ego lol

i think with my fwb who are escorts if id been charged for my time i'd be nearing the 100k mark now lol
 
R.O.S.S.I said:
It doesnt feel like an attempt at blackmail just feels like an attempt to salvage it.
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the black mail was the paragraph "if she doesnt want to try then i cant be there for her and be her friend or in her life at all if not."

she's already made her mind up that you're out of her life you're attempting to wager the friendship which is a thing for you but not her at this point as a bargining chip.,
 
R.O.S.S.I said:
She's left it in my court, she knows its in her interest not contact me and will be waiting for me to get in touch when i feel ok. I think she thinks just leaving me to it is the best course of action.
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It's hard to have no contact. When I split up with a girl a long time ago I went to a hotel in Glencoe, it was great, just being away. I left my phone at home and even though the suspense was killing me I felt free. You'll feel better in time, very soon hopefully.
 
Tefal said:
I find doing escorts for free is a bizarrely satisfying thing for your ego lol

i think with my fwb who are escorts if id been charged for my time i'd be nearing the 100k mark now lol
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So are you going to write a book or do I have to beg because I'll beg. I WILL BEG. And that is not a pretty sight.

Also, LOL @ Tosno's Reddit advice.
 
Tefal said:
I find doing escorts for free is a bizarrely satisfying thing for your ego lol

i think with my fwb who are escorts if id been charged for my time i'd be nearing the 100k mark now lol
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My housemate/wingman and I have a habit of chatting up strippers and succeeding. I don't think Gloucester is classy enough to have any escorts worth chatting up... or even paying for! :D
 
R.O.S.S.I said:
She isn't a swine though and I dont want to end up resenting her or hating her. Shes broke my heart but she isnt a bad person or done this intentionally. An escort isnt the answer atm i'm afraid.
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So you are sure she hasn't left you for Chad, who she has a spark for? That's good news!
 
R.O.S.S.I said:
If she has i'll be very, very, very surprised.
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Just be prepared that it is one of the possibilities. Not saying that she has but the whole thing came out of nowhere so it's not out of the realm of possibilities that someone else may have caught her eye (i.e. she may not have physically cheated, may be emotionally or even just having an attraction to someone).

Really sorry to hear about your situation. I've been with my Gf for 7.5 years and I can only imagine what I would be like if something similar happened. Stay strong, get out there and don't wallow, keep yourself occupied and try to limit contact with her, if she wants to speak then she should be the one to reach out given this has been instigated by her.
 
SS-89 said:
Just be prepared that it is one of the possibilities. Not saying that she has but the whole thing came out of nowhere so it's not out of the realm of possibilities that someone else may have caught her eye (i.e. she may not have physically cheated, may be emotionally or even just having an attraction to someone).

Really sorry to hear about your situation. I've been with my Gf for 7.5 years and I can only imagine what I would be like if something similar happened. Stay strong, get out there and don't wallow, keep yourself occupied and try to limit contact with her, if she wants to speak then she should be the one to reach out given this has been instigated by her.
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I know. Whilst I do want to know, I don't at the same time.
 
Spoke to a family lawyer at work. Turns out it's not going to be as straight forward as I thought to just buy her out if we can't come to an agreement between ourselves.

What. a. mess.

Lots of learning for me from this though I suppose.
 
Tis why I'll never buy a property with someone else, I'd rather pay the lot and cut down on a few things than potentially lose thousands in the name of love.
 
R.O.S.S.I said:
Spoke to a family lawyer at work. Turns out it's not going to be as straight forward as I thought to just buy her out if we can't come to an agreement between ourselves.

What. a. mess.

Lots of learning for me from this though I suppose.
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Okay mate, now is the time to get legal representation, as I've said I'm a firm believer in you don't truly know someone until you break up with them and on top of having your heart broken you don't want the rest of your world to be stripped from you.

Sadly mate you will learn a hell of a lot with this.
 
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