The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

MSTRBKR said:
Know the feeling well. My ex broke up with me 18 months ago but I stopped initiating contact about a year ago. It had been almost 2 months since she last messaged me and then last week I get the standard "hey, how are you" with smiley faces :/ waited a few days to reply and now silence once again. What is the point!? I'd be quite happy just to have no contact but she always initiates, and she was the one that broke it off...
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Bitches be crazy.
 
ChrisD. said:
The issue I have is we speak via video call and she says she misses me and wants to see me, then particulars of meeting up come up she's well up for it, till the next day when we text and she just ignores the subject or takes ages to reply. Part of me thinks she just wants a ****, so tell me, I won't complain!
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Sounds like she is attention seeking and seeking validation.
 
ChrisD. said:
The issue I have is we speak via video call and she says she misses me and wants to see me, then particulars of meeting up come up she's well up for it, till the next day when we text and she just ignores the subject or takes ages to reply. Part of me thinks she just wants a ****, so tell me, I won't complain!
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Sounds like the last girl i was chatting to from tinder, agreed to go out for a drink several times but never happened because she kept dropping out at the last minute so I just told her when she's ready to meet up send me a message and I haven't messaged her since. I've got no time for games or being messed around!
 
XeNoN89 said:
Sounds like the last girl i was chatting to from tinder, agreed to go out for a drink several times but never happened because she kept dropping out at the last minute so I just told her when she's ready to meet up send me a message and I haven't messaged her since. I've got no time for games or being messed around!
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I could understand if this was from online but I met her in RL, met well over a year ago and although I haven't seen her in a year we do get along well, hence the multiple video chats etc. I'm now resigned to the fact it's not going anywhere anyway because if it were, she would have arranged something. I've offered multiple times so my bit is done now, no more.
 
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ChrisD. said:
I could understand if this was from online but I met her in RL, met well over a year ago and although I haven't seen her in a year we do get along well, hence the multiple video chats etc. I'm now resigned to the fact it's not going anywhere anyway because if it were, she would have arranged something. I've offered multiple times so my bit is done now, no more.
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I would ask her out straight rather than just end it there and then.

If she can't give you a good reason why she's blowing hot and cold, then you've got your answer right there.

She might feel that she's not getting clear signals from you as to what you want.

Communicating with women is a real challenge, and i mean real communication, it's very hard to put your feelings out on the table and not be guarded over the fact that they could be one of two ways, on the same tracks as you - great, or on a completely separate track - which then makes you feel foolish for opening up in the first place.
 
ChrisD. said:
I could understand if this was from online but I met her in RL, met well over a year ago and although I haven't seen her in a year we do get along well, hence the multiple video chats etc. I'm now resigned to the fact it's not going anywhere anyway because if it were, she would have arranged something. I've offered multiple times so my bit is done now, no more.
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A year?!? No need to confirm anything with her, the fact that it's been a year is all the message you need.

As she's clearly dragging you along I'd either a) play her at her own game and just drag her along with empty promises when to talk etc (let her taste her own medicine!) b) drop it and let that be that.

I'm surprised you've kept it going for so long. I'd give it a month max these days, if someone can't make time in that period then usually it's not a goer.
 
sigma said:
A year?!? No need to confirm anything with her, the fact that it's been a year is all the message you need.

As she's clearly dragging you along I'd either a) play her at her own game and just drag her along with empty promises when to talk etc (let her taste her own medicine!) b) drop it and let that be that.

I'm surprised you've kept it going for so long. I'd give it a month max these days, if someone can't make time in that period then usually it's not a goer.
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No, sorry, we met over a year ago, she had a bf so nothing happened. We lost contact because she moved away with her then bf, they broke up a few months ago. I saw her FB 2-3 weeks ago, added her, spoke every night since and met the two weekends ago where she drove an hour to see me. Have been chatting since then with the occasional spell of no replies.
 
She could be. But their relationship wasn't amazing, separate beds for the end of it for quite some time. Or at least that's what she tells me.

I don't get why she'd spend 2 hours in a car to see me for an hour the other weekend for lunch.

Bitches be crazy I think.
 
People who blow hot and cold like that have several irons in the fire from my past experiences :(

Most likely someone else is higher priority and you are the fall back option she is stringing along.

Been there before.
 
Quoted for truth! she will either have someone else on the go or have you as a backup/rebound. May not be the case but it most likely is. Just leave her too it and if she is bothered she will say. People can always find time if they are that keen!

IvanDobskey said:
People who blow hot and cold like that have several irons in the fire from my past experiences :(

Most likely someone else is higher priority and you are the fall back option she is stringing along.

Been there before.
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I rang, she answered then asked why I had the hump with her. She says her WhatsApp must have been playing up. She's ringing back shortly as she was with mates.

Didn't know WhatsApp plays up these days?
 
ChrisD. said:
I rang, she answered then asked why I had the hump with her. She says her WhatsApp must have been playing up. She's ringing back shortly as she was with mates.

Didn't know WhatsApp plays up these days?
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You're her go to when she's bored and lonely, be less invested in this than she is, take the **** out of how ignorant she is. Say something daft like "I bet you're secretly married and only message me when your husbands working away". Make it clear you've noticed she's being ignorant and flakey but do not show that it bothers you in the slightest. For instance you can then turn it around and tell her that you only message her when your wife won't put out, you get the idea.
 
Roar87 said:
You're her go to when she's bored and lonely, be less invested in this than she is, take the **** out of how ignorant she is. Say something daft like "I bet you're secretly married and only message me when your husbands working away". Make it clear you've noticed she's being ignorant and flakey but do not show that it bothers you in the slightest. For instance you can then turn it around and tell her that you only message her when your wife won't put out, you get the idea.
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Or just bin her and move on to someone who doesn't play games.
 
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