The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Time to hire a private detective i'm afraid.

I'd be willing to bet real money that she is flirting and having fun at salsa with the other guy who is basically "2nd choice or backup" etc. So as soon as things seem to be slowing down or not as sizzling with you she still has this other guy to get her kicks from.

2nd option is to hire a hot guy to do the male version of the honey pot.

3rd option. Forget about it because shes with you and this other guy is just a salsa friend because you are 110% sure of her honesty and the stability of your relationship.
 
Thanks a lot guys, going to bring it up with her tonight. It raised a thin wall of defense for me I will admit, which I think she has picked up on as she asked me if I was ok last night. I'll tell her tonight what's been bugging me. Just feels weird as honesty and trust is definitely our biggest strength.
 
Hi, this is not a relationship related issue but i thought i would ask for some advise.
Ok so here goes, i have been with my partner for 5 years, we have 2 girls of our own
and she has 3 sons from a previous relationship her oldest son is soon to be 17.
i came back form work early a few days ago to discover the oldest son in our bedroom wearing what appears to be my wife's clothes
Now i do not think he had seen me as i saw him through the door which was half open,
and i proceeded to go back downstairs, and then call to him to say i was home.
and in a short time after me calling i was back he came down stairs.
I was kind of shocked as i know he has had a couple of girl friends nothing serious but has been on the odd date to cinema etc.
i have not told my wife and not sure how to approach this situation.
should i just ignore it?
or confront him about it?
any suggestions this is a new scenario for me.
and do not want to alienate him.
cheers!
 
I wouldn't mention anything, it's going to be seriously embarrassing for the lad and it might make him uncomfortable, he's young so probably just experimenting, doesn't mean he's fruity. Could be a perfectly reasonable explanation behind it anyhow.
 
Get you current Mrs and rest of his family on how to put make up on properly and not with a trowell, otherwise a life of ridicule is ahead.
 
Current gf of two years split with me all of a sudden (posted about it earlier) we went no contact but i have just seen her. Found out she ended it as she had kissed some guy before Christmas and felt guilty. She was surprised by how i wasn't phased . I had worked this out at the time. Don't know how i should feel really. I'm not annoyed by a kiss. More annoyed it resulted in everything falling apart for her. At the time we were going through a particularly rough patch (me being abroad and dealing with a lot so i was quite hard on our relationship). Has anyone else dealt with similar before ? I know most people say to move on - which i intend to . But anyone gone the opposite way and looked to sort things out ?
 
nitram100 said:
Thanks a lot guys, going to bring it up with her tonight. It raised a thin wall of defense for me I will admit, which I think she has picked up on as she asked me if I was ok last night. I'll tell her tonight what's been bugging me. Just feels weird as honesty and trust is definitely our biggest strength.
Click to expand...
How did it go when you brought it up?

You could always ask a friend she doesn't know to go to the salsa night and keep an eye on her... :p
 
A2Z said:
How did it go when you brought it up?

You could always ask a friend she doesn't know to go to the salsa night and keep an eye on her... :p
Click to expand...

Ended up cancelling the evening with her last night but seeing her in a few hours to go to her mates baby shower.... :( will let you guys know how I get on!
 
currantloaf said:
Current gf of two years split with me all of a sudden (posted about it earlier) we went no contact but i have just seen her. Found out she ended it as she had kissed some guy before Christmas and felt guilty. She was surprised by how i wasn't phased . I had worked this out at the time. Don't know how i should feel really. I'm not annoyed by a kiss. More annoyed it resulted in everything falling apart for her. At the time we were going through a particularly rough patch (me being abroad and dealing with a lot so i was quite hard on our relationship). Has anyone else dealt with similar before ? I know most people say to move on - which i intend to . But anyone gone the opposite way and looked to sort things out ?
Click to expand...
Your feelings are different several months later. Would you have been more angry if you knew at the time? Could you REALLY trust her if you got back together? What was missing from the relationship for her to want to kiss another man while being in a relationship with you? Was it just a kiss? If you show her there are no long term consequences to that kiss then would it just be a kiss next time and nothing more?
 
Hades said:
Your feelings are different several months later. Would you have been more angry if you knew at the time? Could you REALLY trust her if you got back together? What was missing from the relationship for her to want to kiss another man while being in a relationship with you? Was it just a kiss? If you show her there are no long term consequences to that kiss then would it just be a kiss next time and nothing more?
Click to expand...

Good questions. Probably more angry at the time but that would have been a factor of my own unhappiness . The trust aspect.... i think i could. What was missing - probably a lot of things/ the mood wasn't great with me being away/ i was lacking in effort and being pretty blunt and emotionally detached. As far as i'm aware just a kiss. If we were to move forward it would be to remove the long distance aspect of our relationship which i think has been a massive hindrance . I know her well enough to know it was all a bit of an outcry. She dosent get close to people/ would never do 1 night stands. Not considering going back or anything, just feel the need to process.
 
I fully believe that a kiss can be an accidental lapse of judgement or getting caught up in the moment before realising and pulling away/stopping it.

Anything more sexual? Nope, deal-breaker from which there is no redemption (imo).
 
krooton said:
I fully believe that a kiss can be an accidental lapse of judgement or getting caught up in the moment before realising and pulling away/stopping it.

Anything more sexual? Nope, deal-breaker from which there is no redemption (imo).
Click to expand...

That is my feeling also. 3 bottles of wine + other drinks is just a recipe for disaster.
 
Update on the girl a few pages back who started out as friends with benefits but my feeling grew, her's didnt...
I went down to see her a couple of weeks ago as it was planned for some time. We both are dating now, she has found someone im still on the lookout. Nothing happened but we spoke and i told her how i feel. She said no contact from then on as it would be best. I text her after a week just to say sorry for a couple of things i said that may have worried her. She has not read it (she said she wouldnt)

I'm going to see her and our group of friends next weekend and staying as hers fri and sat night. Do I be honest and tell her ive thought about her everyday for the past 2 weeks and its still chewing me up or that its just lust and I want sex with her again? Maybe I just want the latter, im not really sure but I do still think about her too much, look through photos etc.
I'm trying to move on, dating and messaging other girls but she is still in my head - Is it best to be honest and let her know this or just say ive moved on and wouldnt mind sex if she's not with someone (me being her backup)
Hopefully things will change when I find someone

Edit. I have never had these feelings for other women and glad she opened me up to them. It just feels I am way more alive than I was before - both good and bad i guess. When I find someone who feels the same about me it will be incredible (even if these feeling are just lust, not love)
 
Last edited:
Seeing her is an awful idea. She's made it clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you. You should avoid all contact with her, your whole time there is going to be a constant punch in the balls.

IF you do go, do not mention your feelings again unless she raises the topic.

But you should not go.
 
ci_newman said:
Seeing her is an awful idea. She's made it clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you. You should avoid all contact with her, your whole time there is going to be a constant punch in the balls.

IF you do go, do not mention your feelings again unless she raises the topic.

But you should not go.
Click to expand...

I'm going there to see a whole group of friends which was arranged some time ago. Why should I bin off friends?

Also, what are the reasons for not letting my feelings be known to her? I thought women like honesty in men

If I don't see her this weekend I will be seeking her on the next annual group holiday anyway (which is already booked) ...Not just better letting her know how i feel so we cam move on as friends. We need to see each other occasionally for social events
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom