The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Even without the pill taking the police would still side with the mother in this scenario, when kids are involved I don't believe locking the mother out of the house is a good idea, you want to try and minimise any further mental trauma you may cause them considering they'll already be wondering where Dad is and the lies she'll be spinning to them.
 
I've never understood why it's discussed so early on in a relationship anyway, should definitely not be a point of discussion on a date in my opinion.

You can't just say you want kids or not, it depends entirely on who you're with, how well you get on once you've lived together for a number of years and what effect having kids will have on your life/career at the age you decide to have them.



:eek:

:o
 
If I ever did want kids it would be a change of mind. I was actually talking to a friend about job/life and one of the things I said on a list was at least I don't want kids. And it was jumped on.

Does feel like more people aren't wanting them, more men aren't wanting the risks of marriage and kids. Are all the women who want kids going to be alone with kids? Or will they find someone and bend them into it.

My gf says she doesn't want kids, if she ever does, and assuming things are still good I actually dunno what I'd do.
 
I was actually talking to a friend about job/life and one of the things I said on a list was at least I don't want kids. And it was jumped on.
<snip>
My GF says she doesn't want kids, if she ever does, and assuming things are still good I actually dunno what I'd do.

Yes it annoys me how it gets jumped on, as if other people know your own mind better than you do. :D I've always felt this way as long as I can remember. I don't mind kids and love my nieces and nephews to bits but there's no way I would want my own and I definitely wouldn't deal well with the baby phase.

It's a huge commitment that involves a hell of a lot of compromise. Some of us are selfish gits and would be crap parents. Seems to drive some people nuts when you're open about that! It's only fair to let potential partners know about a big deal-breaker like this early on.

What amazes me is people I know who didn't really want kids but had them anyway to keep their partner happy. Some of those relationships didn't end well... Never sacrifice your own happiness to cater for someone else's desires!
 
No I'm not going to change the locks. After reading the text messages the police man was quite sympathetic to me. Yes I took the phone with the messages on.

Both my doctor and the mental health team are pushing me to get a solicitor involved to get access to my children. They have no issues with me seeing them.

However I have today received a lovely email from her. Threatening me with a court order and a domestic abuse accusation ...

Apparently I have manipulated her parents, her friends and used my children against her. :/ the 6 emails I have sent to her over the course of 12 days asking her to talk to me she is now saying constitute harassment.

I'm gobsmacked.

The mental health lady who was with me this morning was equally as shocked. She's making me out to be a stalker waiting outside her house at night :/
 
Did you see any of this coming? or was it completely out of the blue? No red flags on her behaviour over the past years like easily flying off the handle or hiding things from you?

Ignore the threats they have zero substance.
 
You need to speak to a solicitor really, you're clearly dealing with a manipulative unreasonable woman. Do not contact her at all, go seek advice at your first opportunity.
 
Did you see any of this coming? or was it completely out of the blue? No red flags on her behaviour over the past years like easily flying off the handle or hiding things from you?

Ignore the threats they have zero substance.

About 7 weeks ago I thought something was up little things you know infact probably February we went to Cuba and every night she was off with her phone to use the Internet leaving me in the room with the children, sometimes I was asleep when she came back. When we got back I noticed other things, on her computer like googling this guys address, and she mentioned him quite a bit. I asked her about it and she laughed in my face, said i was paranoid etc etc.
 
About 7 weeks ago I thought something was up little things you know infact probably February we went to Cuba and every night she was off with her phone to use the Internet leaving me in the room with the children, sometimes I was asleep when she came back. When we got back I noticed other things, on her computer like googling this guys address, and she mentioned him quite a bit. I asked her about it and she laughed in my face, said i was paranoid etc etc.

Classic sociopath behaviour.

It will not feel like it now or for a long time but you're better off without a woman like that in your life. It's just a shame children have to be brought up by a deceitful and unmoral woman who gave in to biological instincts.
 
Classic sociopath behaviour.

It will not feel like it now or for a long time but you're better off without a woman like that in your life. It's just a shame children have to be brought up by a deceitful and unmoral woman who gave in to biological instincts.

Absolutely. And yet another reason demonstrating you can sometimes never really know someone. And another reason I can understand why people don't want kids. If there were no kids could just deal with the financial side and your own grief (which is bad enough) throw kids into the mix and it's at another level.

As above, one positive is you now know you were with someone capable of this.

Seek legal help. And document everything as others have said.

If her family support you she may become more and more desperate. And hopefully this will be quite apparent to any legal parties you get involved
 
I think the only way long distance relationships work is if you are both very independent and self contained, if you see each other fairly often (like almost every weekend), and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel when you can actually be together. Everything else puts the relationship on a clock until both parties drift apart, find someone else, or just wonder what's the point in being in a relationship where you're never together.

A lot of the time you feel in limbo or worse miserable because you're not with your loved one, and then when you are together it's all about manically spending time and doing things because you've got a couple of days of togetherness/happyness. The only way to cope when they are not there ends up learning to not care so much, learning to not want to be with the absent partner, not to feel alone or unhappy, and from there it's only a short step to deciding you don't need that person after all. Especially more so if you're meeting other people and getting attracted to them as per manic111. That person you meet starts to fill the empty emotional and physical space left by your absent partner.

Urgh, so we had a bit of a falling out today. In essence, I said that it feels like we're drifting apart (which in hindsight may not have been smart) and she flew off the handle. She's effectively said that I need to commit to her fully and "show" it (no idea how!), or we're done.

Frankly I've no idea how I'm meant to commit to her fully when she's only home quarterly and there's little evidence of her working particularly hard to return home on a permanent basis, but equally it seems silly to let it drop now before we see each other in late June and decide what to do when we're face to face.

No idea what to do. She's lovely and were she here I could genuinely see us being together for a long time - possibly forever - but I'm quite rational whereas at times, in discussions like this, she hears what she wants to (or doesn't want to) hear and utterly loses it.
 
Give her some time to cool off and talk again tomorrow. If she's still hostile tomorrow then it probably is "done". I cannot see how you can commit any further with her the opposite side of the world.
 
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