The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I couldn' l with someone who had the audacity to ask for money for security.

Well done for being strong. Would love some aftermath updates. Does she crawl back? Etc
 
I don't appreciate you dunking on my interests and that's not why I came here.

I've already compromised so much with my girlfriend in the past; she was insistent that I redecorate my flat because she didn't like my wall scrolls or the katanas I had mounted on shelves for display. I didn't like it but I figured it was worth it to keep her happy, but now I see this was just the first step on a slippery slope where she tried to completely change who I am as a person to fit what she wants in a boyfriend and that is not ok!!

I called her work phone and she told me not to call her and just hung up. Going to try again in an hour or so and hopefully she'll be able to talk then.
 
Change the date of the visit to earlier. Go and get drunk and have fun, like in the good old days. Then, when the GF thinks you should be in Cornwall make sure she sees you a couple of times. She'll say "Why aren't you in Cornwall?" and you say you decided not to go because you love her. She falls into your arms... job done.
 
Bickaxe said:
I'm on your (ex) girlfriends side. Telling her she is being abusive for what she said is wrong. That's a quick ticket to being shown the door.
You either want to be in that relationship or not and if you do, then it involves compromise. Not doing so is abusive and toxic. At 35 you should know that already.

I had to look up what a Dakimakura was. I think I see where you are going wrong.
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But it is abuse! It's manipulative behaviour that is wrong! Women do it all the time and I won't stand for it in my romantic partners. The sooner that she realises what she did was wrong then the sooner we can fix our relationship. I just can't seem to get her to see this and I need help on doing it.
 
hondo said:
How would you feel if your GF told you she intended to visit an old flame in Cornwall for a few days....And nights.
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Exactly this.

I would say you were very very much in the wrong OP.



There is one sound piece of advice whilst you're in a relationship if you're ever in situations like this, and that is, would i be happy if my other half did what i'm about to do.

In the above situation, i would bet that you wouldn't be happy in the slightest for your girlfriend to visit an old friend from uni that she had previously been intimate with.


I would suggest if you're deadly serious about your relationship then you need to go back and apologise for not properly thinking about all this.
 
Semple said:
Exactly this.

I would say you were very very much in the wrong OP.



There is one sound piece of advice whilst you're in a relationship if you're ever in situations like this, and that is, would i be happy if my other half did what i'm about to do.

In the above situation, i would bet that you wouldn't be happy in the slightest for your girlfriend to visit an old friend from uni that she had previously been intimate with.


I would suggest if you're deadly serious about your relationship then you need to go back and apologise for not properly thinking about all this.
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But I did think about it - if the roles were reversed I wouldn't care at all because I trust her implicitly! Unfortunately she doesn't seem to reciprocate this trust and is taking her jealousy and insecurities out on me by trying to manipulate me!!!

She just sent me a text message asking me not to call her at work because it's unprofessional and to move on with my life and enjoy my trip to Cornwall. I really don't want to go now that she's ruined it for me.
 
Xandrael said:
But it is abuse! It's manipulative behaviour that is wrong! Women do it all the time and I won't stand for it in my romantic partners. The sooner that she realises what she did was wrong then the sooner we can fix our relationship. I just can't seem to get her to see this and I need help on doing it.
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It's not abuse: she's not coercing or manipulating you. She just didn't want to deal with your stuff. She ended it - didn't even give you an ultimatum
 
Xandrael said:
But I did think about it - if the roles were reversed I wouldn't care at all because I trust her implicitly! Unfortunately she doesn't seem to reciprocate this trust and is taking her jealousy and insecurities out on me by trying to manipulate me!!!

She just sent me a text message asking me not to call her at work because it's unprofessional and to move on with my life and enjoy my trip to Cornwall. I really don't want to go now that she's ruined it for me.
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Just a thought, that might help with people understanding your position here: are you on the ASD spectrum?
 
Xandrael said:
I do a lot of raiding in WoW, my guild is in the top 20 on our server. But I'm not sure this is relevant?
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lol, maybe the pillow isn't a troll after all.

If you think changing your home to accommodate both parties rather than yourself is a slippery slope then you don't know what compromise is.

The same with your ex girlfriend having had issues with you going away for a week to see a girl you were intimate with before, even if she believed you had no interest, which isn't the point, she doesn't know your friend feels the same way, which we know is true.

You're unbelievably naive if all this is true, and this whole mess is your fault. Can you blame us readers for thinking something so obviously stupid couldn't be a troll?
 
Xandrael said:
I have been diagnosed with Asperger's, but it's no big deal and doesn't really have any impact on my life.
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Other that causing the end of your relationship for not understanding why your GF might get the hump because you are going to see a female friend who you previously had relations with.

Of course she's going to be concerned and accusing her of emotional abuse is being a little precious to say the least.
 
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