The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

413x · 7 Feb 2019 at 18:24

Guest2 said:
Well, me and my girlfriend split up a couple of weeks ago. We both agreed that bad communication was mainly to blame and that our personalities just didn't match - Shes an introvert with some emotional issues which she needs to sort and i'm not the type of person to be her carer (sounds harsh but she is going to seek professional help again, so good on her) Although she said she didn't want children originally, she told me and family she actually does - Sort of worrying if she is either not sure or just lieing to please me / family. Post natal depression springs to mind which I hear is very tough.

We both left on good terms though, hope she finds someone more suitable

Kids thing is a deal breaker. No point continuing on that point alone.

secretspy · 7 Feb 2019 at 23:03

Guest2 said:
Well, me and my girlfriend split up a couple of weeks ago. We both agreed that bad communication was mainly to blame and that our personalities just didn't match - Shes an introvert with some emotional issues which she needs to sort and i'm not the type of person to be her carer (sounds harsh but she is going to seek professional help again, so good on her) Although she said she didn't want children originally, she told me and family she actually does - Sort of worrying if she is either not sure or just lieing to please me / family. Post natal depression springs to mind which I hear is very tough.

We both left on good terms though, hope she finds someone more suitable

I'm confused (and I'm half asleep) but I thought part of the issue was that she didn't want children in the future and you did? you mention post natal depression which would imply she has already had a child so a bit late for her to decide if she wants them or not. (or am I thinking of someone else?)

krooton · 8 Feb 2019 at 09:33

secretspy said:
I'm confused (and I'm half asleep) but I thought part of the issue was that she didn't want children in the future and you did? you mention post natal depression which would imply she has already had a child so a bit late for her to decide if she wants them or not. (or am I thinking of someone else?)

I think he's saying if she agrees to children (to please him), there is an increased risk due to her own current issues possibly being compounded with post-natal depression.

secretspy · 8 Feb 2019 at 13:07

krooton said:
I think he's saying if she agrees to children (to please him), there is an increased risk due to her own current issues possibly being compounded with post-natal depression.

Ah yeah that makes sense

I was pretty much asleep when I read it last night !

Thecaferacer · 8 Feb 2019 at 15:13

Janesy B said:
For what? Just ignore and block.

The reasonable person would say that. However it's sensible to report any incident like this so it's logged. It's not unheard of (or rare unfortunately) for somebody who is being ignored to call the police with a fabricated complaint.

Guest2 · 8 Feb 2019 at 18:30

secretspy said:
I'm confused (and I'm half asleep) but I thought part of the issue was that she didn't want children in the future and you did? you mention post natal depression which would imply she has already had a child so a bit late for her to decide if she wants them or not. (or am I thinking of someone else?)

You are correct - She did state from the start of the relationship she did not want kids, ever. I told her I did.
A year or so later apparently she spoke to family and said she was gutted because she thought I wanted kids but not with her and that she did want them.
I guess she may have changed her mind to either please me or her family. By post natal depression I meant I could see her getting it if she did have a child with me that she actually was only having for my sake / her family

NooBish AbbZ · 2 Mar 2019 at 12:09

well how's it going gentlemen, more a bit of a vent rather than asking for advice.

Been with a girl from back home since the end of October. When we're together we get on really well, generally when apart we get on well (ie when I'm down South) She's hot AF, the sex is great, she gets on with the family, i get on with hers, but, i haven't fallen for her nor do i feel anything like I'm about to

I'm 26, she's 19 which may be something to do with it. It also doesn't help that I don't see her much because I work down south. Last time i saw her was 13th Feb, next time i see her is 14th March. I had a few weeks off over christmas though when we saw each other a lot. At times I just feel like I'm going to get old alone and do trips (to the Nurburgring) alone

Been seeing 3 girls since one a few years ago, since that girl I haven't fallen for anyone else, though the previous two I ended it for this reason after about 2 months, rather than now 4.

XeNoN89 · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:07

So this weekend I found out my girlfriend of several months is married and has a child

Never thought I would say that sentence!

GeordieStew · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:16

XeNoN89 said:
So this weekend I found out my girlfriend of several months is married and has a child

Never thought I would say that sentence!

Ouch. Married and still with husband? Or separated?
And you've only just found out about child?! Yowsers

XeNoN89 · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:19

GeordieStew said:
Ouch. Married and still with husband? Or separated?
And you've only just found out about child?! Yowsers

Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.

Rannoch · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:41

XeNoN89 said:
Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.

And you believe her?

leoncuprar · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:45

Was there a reason she thought she couldn't be honest about that from the start? A friend of mine is married but they have agreed to seperate and live seperate lives etc, he's started dating but always tells his dates the "home" situation..

I've been seeing a lady for about 3 months, booked our first weekend away together recently, stayed over at hers Friday night and all was really good making plans for that weekend away, or so I thought.. then today just a simple whatsapp message "sorry, I've met someone at work , all the best for the future" Don't understand women.. why not just tell me when I saw her Friday..

GeordieStew · 14 Apr 2019 at 15:55

leoncuprar said:
...

I've been seeing a lady for about 3 months, booked our first weekend away together recently, stayed over at hers Friday night and all was really good making plans for that weekend away, or so I thought.. then today just a simple whatsapp message "sorry, I've met someone at work , all the best for the future" Don't understand women.. why not just tell me when I saw her Friday..

People are cowards and/or don't find it easy hurting folk. It's much easier to do remotely. Probably

Minstadave · 14 Apr 2019 at 16:16

XeNoN89 said:
Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.

Do a barrel roll and GTFO of that mess.

Steampunk · 14 Apr 2019 at 16:19

XeNoN89 said:
Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.

So she says, and that's suspect because if she's hidden this for several months after becoming your "girlfriend" what else is she hiding? People being economical with the truth on something major like that is because they know what a large red flag it will put up, so what else is she keeping from you?

Let's face it, you're the side chick.

WantoN · 14 Apr 2019 at 17:27

XeNoN89 said:
Yep married and still live together but dont even talk and don't share a bed and are only together for the kid.

From an outside perspective, that doesn’t sound true; otherwise she would’ve said so from the start?

How did you find out if you don’t mind me asking?

For me, this situation would be the end of the relationship.

Hades · 14 Apr 2019 at 17:56

XeNoN89 said:
So this weekend I found out my girlfriend of several months is married and has a child

Never thought I would say that sentence!

Unless they are separated then just get out of there. She has hooked you in hoping to get you invested in her before telling you. She's lied to you, lying to her husband and risking her child's future. Even if she leaves him for you then what's to stop her doing the same to you in a few years. She can't be trusted.

XeNoN89 · 14 Apr 2019 at 18:17

WantoN said:
From an outside perspective, that doesn’t sound true; otherwise she would’ve said so from the start?

How did you find out if you don’t mind me asking?

For me, this situation would be the end of the relationship.

She told me. Basically she had told plenty of other people about me including her mum and sister and they pressured her to tell me the truth.

Her mum is also pressuring her to get a divorce because they can't live like this but she's afraid to mess with the kids family life etc

Steampunk · 14 Apr 2019 at 18:27

XeNoN89 said:
She told me. Basically she had told plenty of other people about me including her mum and sister and they pressured her to tell me the truth.

Her mum is also pressuring her to get a divorce because they can't live like this but she's afraid to mess with the kids family life etc

So you're going to be in a relationship with her, and she goes home to her house with her husband, and keeps you from her kids so that the kids don't get their family life changed? How's that going to work for you? Are you going to be okay with that, because it seems that her mum and sister isn't?

XeNoN89 · 14 Apr 2019 at 18:37

Steampunk said:
So you're going to be in a relationship with her, and she goes home to her house with her husband, and keeps you from her kids so that the kids don't get their family life changed? How's that going to work for you? Are you going to be okay with that, because it seems that her mum and sister isn't?

nope I'm not ok with that. I said there is no way of us moving forward until she sorts everything out on her side. The kid doesn't bother me tbh, it's the rest of it that's an issue.