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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by mattyprice4004, Apr 23, 2012.

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  1. XeNoN89

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 6, 2007

    Posts: 7,767

    Location: SW19

    We already had a discussion so we know how we both feel about it! I just wanted confirmation that this isn't anything unusual really. All my mates are just taking the Mick saying I can't seal the deal ! :p
     
  2. TNGL

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Jul 2, 2010

    Posts: 2,449

    Nothing wrong with some self-respect on her part. See this as a good sign.
     
  3. AHarvey

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 6, 2008

    Posts: 9,507

    Location: Stoke area

    lol, screw your mates off, if you're happy and having a little fun it'll work out in the end. Lots of wine may help ;)
     
  4. TheMeekon

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 24, 2004

    Posts: 1,866

    Location: Manchester

    Usually around the 3rd date. If they give it up on the 1st date from my record they've turned out to be mental.
     
  5. bainbridge

    Mobster

    Joined: Dec 9, 2009

    Posts: 3,109

    Location: Bristol

    Simply advise you've come around to her way of thinking and want to take things slowly too.
    Be very chivalrous but also naughty by occasionally alluding to what is to come, and bingo! The ball is back in your court and I guarantee she'll be begging you to sleep with her.
     
  6. lnoton

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 14, 2009

    Posts: 2,944

    Location: Global

    Sounds all OK to me. Take it slow and be a gent. Not to suggest you're not. If she has been messed around, trust on this might be hugely important.
     
  7. Beasty

    Mobster

    Joined: Mar 6, 2009

    Posts: 2,518

    Location: Nottingham

    God, actually liking someone is hell, had a lot of flings last year where I was in total control as I just wasn't arsed in the long run, made me feel a bit bad when things come to an end but the overthinking and uncertainty when you actually hope for more is something I do not cope well with.

    We've both said we like each other and we are both acting pretty chill in front of each other and on messages, both have our guards up, usually very good at making people lower them but just not sure this time and the opportunity for overthinking is rife.

    Sexual chemistry is fantastic etc but I hate this part of things where you're in the 'see what happens' hinterland and one false move can mess things up from experience and now I'm super cautious. I have to say it's never ended that well but I'm much better at handling it than before.

    Think we need to get drunk together again and have a heart-to-heart.



    Thiiiiiis!
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2019
  8. secretspy

    Soldato

    Joined: Oct 3, 2005

    Posts: 5,343

    Location: England

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who overthinks!! I haven't started dating again yet but just the thought stresses me out!!
    I'm over my ex and have been single for over a year now (technically hadn't even seem him a year before we broke up!) So I would like to meet someone but I'm just not happy in myself yet :/

    I don't think I ever have been and if anything, I feel I've lost myself somewhat over the years. I've grown stronger in some ways but I've also become even more of a hermit and a stresshead (Doesn't help when I'm 5 days away from turning 34 :eek::()

    I've finally got my own place though so hopefully that will be the turning point for me :)
     
  9. Clov!s

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 1, 2011

    Posts: 16,971

    Location:

    Don't feel pressured just because of your mates, what she needs is patience from you, just keep going as you are and let it happen naturally. Also don't bring it up again as she may think that's all you want from her.
     
  10. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 18,720

    Location: County Durham

    Have you written down and thought out each of the reasons you aren’t happy with yourself, with some solutions? If not and if it’s something you can’t bring yourself to do then you may need some external help.
     
  11. Clov!s

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 1, 2011

    Posts: 16,971

    Location:

    Wait, i thought your birthday a few years ago was your 34th? :D:cool::eek::p;)
     
  12. .Lethal

    Soldato

    Joined: Jun 8, 2005

    Posts: 6,070

    Location: United Kingdom

    Pretty sure they said they over think things enough :p
     
  13. Ayahuasca

    Capodecina

    Joined: Apr 23, 2014

    Posts: 18,720

    Location: County Durham

    It’s easy to overthink the wrong things though instead of using that energy to analyse what’s really going on.

    If you aren’t happy with yourself and you’re unwilling or don’t know how to identify why then it’s only going to get worse.
     
  14. 413x

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jan 13, 2010

    Posts: 16,030

    Location: Cardiff

    I agree with him.
    It's a great thing to just pen things down. I do it quite a lot, often just seeing a list gives you a goal.
     
  15. secretspy

    Soldato

    Joined: Oct 3, 2005

    Posts: 5,343

    Location: England

    I have to an extent. My dad died 7 years ago and I didn't realise until 2 years ago that I was in a grief bubble still. When he passed away I was trying to move out but then put it on hold to be there for my mum. Then as the years went on I was helping her with stuff and not really focusing on myself as much. Things kept going wrong in her house so had the stress of that plus a few other family dramas.

    I had counselling before and after he died which helped. Ive struggled for years with some minor health issues as well which I'm still working on.

    I've just spent so long focusing on everyone else's problems and trying to help them that I just forgot about me and mine :/
     
  16. Bounce

    Hitman

    Joined: Dec 22, 2011

    Posts: 594

    Location: Stoke-on-Trent

    This appeals to everyone :-,

    What is a good indication that she is 'the one' so to speak and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. I. E get married.
     
  17. Tonytank

    Gangster

    Joined: Sep 4, 2006

    Posts: 452

    If you have to ask someone that then she isn't the one.

    She could still be of course. But right now she isn't. You would know of she was. The where be a feeling not a 'good indication'.
     
  18. I fancy boys

    Mobster

    Joined: Jun 12, 2008

    Posts: 2,689

    I agree with this.

    If you are questioning it, then that means you have some level of doubt in your mind. You'll be proposing to spend the rest of your life with this person, so, it's a good idea to think about each of your goals and where you both want to be in the future. It's worth having a proper conversation with your partner about this. In my opinion, your decision to/to not get engaged at this point should be based on that conversation, as I doubt any of the responses provided here will give the same level of insight into the future of your relationship.
     
  19. XeNoN89

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Mar 6, 2007

    Posts: 7,767

    Location: SW19

    We've had another big chat about it today because she said she was feeling 'pressure' about it. She said she really wants to sleep with me as well despite this, it now seems it's getting to the point where her forcing herself not to 'give in' is causing the exact issue she was trying to avoid, by making the whole thing about sex and a way bigger deal than it should be
     
  20. Beasty

    Mobster

    Joined: Mar 6, 2009

    Posts: 2,518

    Location: Nottingham

    To be honest it sounds like you need to 'get it over with' (Sorry if that sounds crude or harsh) because it's becoming an elephant in the room now and the relationship won't develop.


    Guess it's different for different people but it's someone I want to give up my alone time for and would rather spend time with regularly than be on my own, as soon as I start thinking I'd rather be having a night to myself when facing the prospect of seeing them I know she's not the one :p