The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

wedrum said:
Quickly how how the milk turns sour.. women are such hard work. Then even worse when you split.. got kids so not that straight forward to walk away. Which I have to keep the peace for the kids. I'm 40 still feels hard starting again.. 2 houses and a shop to pay for, yeh times are hard. Married never again.
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And for all that, it seems clear you haven't failed at much. No man can take your face, no history retard, you are forever their father, and the memory of her beauty -and her private grace - when she was at the test of her own own best, sir, you are the sole keeper of that.
 
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RxR said:
And for all that, it seems clear you haven't failed at much. No man can take your face, no history retard, you are forever their father, and the memory of her beauty -and her private grace - when she was at the test of her own own best, sir, you are the sole keeper of that.
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I'm having real trouble parsing this :confused:
 
Two houses, a shop. Is this a sign of the man of no ambition? No, his lance is fine. viz. "No man can take your face".

Who else can she ever be to the way she showed herself to him? Can you turn back time?
viz. "no history retard".

Who holds the memory of her beauty, of those days, when he was her best chose? None.

The other elements are obvious as stated - dowie got it.

A personal note may be relevant.

I've had a similar experience to wedrum.
 
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NVP said:
Looks like someone's found the cali #hookmeup
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If you are referring to the mojo recovery aid I mentioned, and it's inappropriate, I'll delete it.

Edit. I got rid of it anyway just in case.
 
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NVP said:
No, it's a ganja joke #stockhausengetsme

You can peddle your DHA here no worries, I have the authortity you seek.
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My mistake. But no peddlar bud, as you can see its gone. I do have an uncle in the uk going thru a significant unforseen conflict however, and I will be recommending it to him. Thats how I know its also available in the UK.
 
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Reshare it, with more context and even any journals behind it. This is a forum mainly of men and if your elixir doesn't turn out to be snake oil and it helps a brother in need then kudos.
 
DTuH5fj.gif
 
I'll say no more on the matter but this, the results were consistent with the scientific medical literature on the well-known effects of testosterone therapy. It helped me recover a significant enough amount of muscle mass after I was skinnied by swine flu. Without exercise, of course. YMMV
 
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My bloody wife...where do i even start.

Background. Partners for 13 years, married for just under 7, two kids, we are both early 30s.

Now, she has ALWAYS suffered from mental health issues, ive helped her through hell these past ten years but recently its started to really get to me. Im a strong person, i can take a lot of what is thrown at me but someone with bipolar...good lord. It started last year, she went on a girls holiday with her best friend to the most friendly of places Magaluf. Now, im aware what this place is famous for however i trust my wife.

Forward to when she came back. This is ofcourse the short version:

"i want you to get some muscles and get a sleeve tattoo"

Im 32, dont want a sleeve tattoo and well...i could do with losing a stone so fair enough....i wouldnt say to her "I want you to start doing squats as your arse is a bit saggy"...

This went on for a week and then she admitted she met someone, stayed at his for a few nights watching tv and assured me nothing happened. This might seem mad to think but i know her and i do believe her.

Honestly this did upset me...its almost like if she had met a bloke, got smashed and made a mistake, this would have been easier but she admitted she spent 3 days holding his hand etc and told me how fit she thought he was, how she wanted to do something but didn't.

Fast forward 6 months, i'm over it but it certainly affected me more then it should. She then admitted they had been exchanging whatsapps whilst she was drunk about how she was going to kick me out and they could meet. He called me a "melt", she agreed and she then said he was still hot....I was furious as you would be but thens he assured me all was ok.

Fast forward to the past two weeks...she has become a nightmare...snapping for no reason and given her previous mental issues ive given her a wide berth. She's saying she wants a divorce etc, completely out of nowhere then the next day she's looking at family holidays and bigger houses.

Im completely at a loss as to what to do. These look like two different issues but for me the holiday and meeting this guy has changed her personality. Ive asked her to see a doctor about her mood swings but she wont.

I could leave but i have two girls...i feel like given her previous mental health issues i have a duty to stick around and help her through it. She's just finishing her degree, a degree ive supported her through so to give up now is gutting.
 
Not unusual sadly. If it were me I would have to ask her to leave. She doesn't respect you anymore and I personally don't think you have a duty to be a crutch for her while she is behaving so badly. Do not book expensive holidays or commit to more debt (bigger house) until you resolve this.
 
Im inclined to agree but with two girls involved its tricky. It might be a case of me leaving but to do that after supporting her degree (she didnt work) only for someone else to step in is a killer
 
omnomnom said:
My bloody wife...where do i even start.
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You seem to be making her mental health issues an excuse for what she did. Yet she is a functioning adult who is a mother and going through a degree.

She has given you titbits about what happened and the story is escalating as time passes.

You're telling me a lad on a Magoluf holiday was happy spending 3 out of his 7 days away holding hands with your Mrs? I obviously cannot say 100%, but i think it's fair to assess that her pasty was smashed.

Relationships can be salvaged, but BOTH parties need to make that work and it looks like she is still caught up in the holiday romance.

I personally think she is a selfish cow considering she has children and a relationship at home - she needs to grow up.
 
Currently going through the phase of missing my ex.
I don't even want to get back with her I really don't, we were just not meant to be but I miss the part that made me happy and I'm gutted we got to a point where enough was enough and it was no longer salvageable. I changed everything to make the relationship work whilst she felt like she didn't need to change a thing. In the end I thought my mental health was more important than more years wasted in a relationship that only made me happy 50% max at a time.

I have thought of messaging her and telling her how much it is hurting me to deal with this breakup, purely from the respect I had for our relationship that is now at an end and the love I still carry for her. I don't really want to rekindle anything or her to think I want her back because I don't, which obviously makes the the whole thing illogical and me being an idiot to actually message and no doubt cause me more pain than it was worth anyways. I think part of what messes my head up more is wondering if she still thinks of me as much as she goes through my mind and haunts my dreams.
I feel angry more for myself, I hate to give up on things and maybe that is what is bothering me the most. The fact I invested so much time into loving someone for it all to fall to pieces and me end up back at square one. The only positiveness I can take is knowing we both tried till the bitter end and both broke each other in the process. I loved but I also learnt a great deal I can take on through life.


Phreaky said:
Rebuilding friendships in your thirties back up from almost nothing is very challenging (at least for me), and I've found it goes hand in hand with trying to re-find your identity. I'm still miles off being happy with either, and still find myself with a lot of 'empty' time, but it at least gives some perspective for future relationships (If I ever decide to go down that route).
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No idea how I ended up on this page first but read this and have to agree. I'm currently 32 and fresh out of a relationship that I put my all in and put most of my friends aside for - not through any bad ways I just didn't have time with everything going on in my life to maintain the amount of different circles of friends I had when I was single before meeting her.

Unfortunately with my university I do on top of a full time job, I feel I don't really have much time for a social life or to create hobbies to meet new people even if I wanted to. I'm not the most social of butterflies anyways and the thought of going out and meeting new people I most likely care not to create a relationship I once had with my previous friends; most of which are now busy with their own families and so forth.

The struggle is real but I know I just need to soldier on through this pickle I'm in until I see light at the end of the healing stage. Reading other peoples comments makes me realise I haven't had it half as bad as some and worry if to ever love again if all it does is end in heartache.
 
ivrytwr3 said:
You seem to be making her mental health issues an excuse for what she did. Yet she is a functioning adult who is a mother and going through a degree.

She has given you titbits about what happened and the story is escalating as time passes.

You're telling me a lad on a Magoluf holiday was happy spending 3 out of his 7 days away holding hands with your Mrs? I obviously cannot say 100%, but i think it's fair to assess that her pasty was smashed.

Relationships can be salvaged, but BOTH parties need to make that work and it looks like she is still caught up in the holiday romance.

I personally think she is a selfish cow considering she has children and a relationship at home - she needs to grow up.
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I think shes caught up in a holiday romance but genuinely she would tell me if something happened.
 
omnomnom said:
Im inclined to agree but with two girls involved its tricky. It might be a case of me leaving but to do that after supporting her degree (she didnt work) only for someone else to step in is a killer
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Dude I've just read your posts.

My friends wife, or ex now went to magaluf and came back with a text buddy. My then GF at the time also went on holiday and told me about her talking to a boy and going missing one night, only to be crying the next morning to her and telling her she made a mistake, yet didn't divulge into what it was. I was asked not to repeat this information to my friend as apparently nothing had happened. It killed me not to tell my friend and actually kept my promise to my GF.
Fast forward 2 months my friend caught his wife messaging someone, after being suspicious for well over a month that something was happening. The way he caught her? Ebay history she had been buying a bag to use to go visit him half way across the country. How gutted I felt for not telling my friend earlier....

Even after all of that, she denied anything had gone on on the holiday, and he still believed her. I could never bring myself to tell him I knew more about the holiday than I let on, and that she actually went missing one night and told my GF she had made a mistake the following morning.

Long story short, he gave her chance after chance but her head was in the clouds. They also had 2 kids and it was only when he kicked her out and asked for a divorce did her world come crashing down and she was back begging him for another chance.

Moral of the story - you are worthless in the eyes of your wife and she does not respect you and never will why you keep giving her chance after chance. People want what they cannot get and your wife has you on her plate - the fact she is rubbing your nose in it and you are allowing her gives her a great sense of power and satisfaction.

Ask yourself this though - Do you trust her? Will you trust her? Can you trust her?

If my partner told me those things then all trust would be out of the door and I could never forgive. You can maybe forgive but you will never forget.
My friend married his partner who cheated on him with his best mate. Whenever they are not together he is constantly wondering if shes cheating and so forth; it is not good or healthy for the brain.
 
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