But if you start dating now and you end up spending money on dates. Instead of money on getting your own place, less money to invest in yourself. Which isnt good.
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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
But if you start dating now and you end up spending money on dates. Instead of money on getting your own place, less money to invest in yourself. Which isnt good.
You'll do quite well when you get set up (ie. won't have to be celibate unless you choose). The hard part for me was finding a partner suitable for my kids (I had mine 11 days out of 14).
I had to move back in with my parents following a split from my fiancé. I absolutely hammered both Tinder and Bumble, and had lots of responses, lots of dates and some damn good times as well. Just be honest, upfront and most importantly, yourself. If a person is able to see your attractive qualities despite whatever may be construed as a negative, then it's all good. Charm, sophistication and a sense of humour are paramount.
Yeah, considering they are meant to be the creme of the crop they seem to have the worst customer services.
Makes sense to now considering we know each others work place anyways. I had a bad experience on both about 7+ years ago that put me off dating sites and I've been dubious a out giving my contact details out again in case of another psycho l. I'm going to see if she is free this weekend to meet up
I wouldn't use tinder. Well I did for a month but had it incognito so only people I liked could see me. Didn't like the thought of people I may know seeing me on there lol. It is a very shallow app and you'll probably find most attractive girls will get tonnes of messages and swipes right and even the ugly wants set their standards too high.
This really. One of the reasons I was so annoyed was because I opened up to this girl about quite a few things and laid my cards out on the table so to speak; after 3-4 weeks of talking mind. She didn't run a mile and was quite understanding about it and respected how honest I was. I'm currently at my parents but I did tell her I'm not ready to date and jumped in too soon before Im actually in a position where I'm sorted and stable after coming out of a long term relationship.
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Oh here is one for you guys (A little messed up though but here goes)
Was with my Ex wife for 18 years and we got divorced about 12 months back because she felt she didn't love me anymore, it hit me hard and I tried to kill myself (Ok you didn't need to know that bit but I will tell all to see what you guys say). Anyway I moved into my mothers a few months later (Took me that long to leave the home because I couldn't face moving from my 2 children). So I was in my mothers for 3 months, in this time I met a girl online who happened to live close, started seeing her and 4 weeks later moved in with her (Yes I know, have heard it all before...moron etc). Was a messed up time for me and I just couldn't think straight. So anyway I was with this girl for 4 months, within this time the ex said she wanted me back and my kids cry to get me back home, this left me is a considerable depression and confusion and didn't know what to do. Anyway after being with this new girl for just 2 of those months we found out I had got her pregnant after just a couple of those weeks. So at this time I have both sides trying to pull me in different directions, I have my 2 children with my ex wanting me back and now I had this new girl pregnant so this is messed up right....
So with all this confusion I end up leaving my girlfriend and moving back to my ex, 2 days later I leave again and go back to the girlfriend, 1 day later I leave again and go back to the ex (Ok this happens a few times, I can't count)..... Anyway so now I have been in the ex wifes for 7 weeks and yesterday she said I have to leave because I have no feelings for her, thing is I do love this other girl (Yes it may not seem that way here but I do), but the thing is when I go today I know that the ex wife is taking my children to ireland to be with the rest of her family (mum, sister etc) because she says the only thing keeping her here was me. Now some of you may think I can seek legal advice to stop that right? Unfortunately no I can't that won't work, let me explain this. Although I love the 2 children I have with my ex wife, and she is a fantastic mother, the girlfriend who I met has a long history with social services and it isn't good, so me being with her and all what has happened with me trying to kill myself (2 times within this period) legal advice sides with the ex wife for the security of our children. I am no risk to the kids, I adore them I really do, but leaving today means I will hardly ever see them. So I have a lot of stuff going on here, I have been under mental health and had counsilling and signed off work for 7 weeks now, work are on my back and I have told them everything but still want me back in work and I have so much going on I just can't concentrate or decide. Here it is not a nice atmosphere, my ex and me argue and sometimes the children are seeing it which is not right at all, but leaving I am walking away from them, whichever way I go I will be the bad person and feel guilty. So yeah all very much messed up guys, so do you all think I should do?
Sorry for the rant, thought I needed to explain this.
Was with my Ex wife for 18 years and we got divorced about 12 months back because she felt she didn't love me anymore, it hit me hard and I tried to kill myself (Ok you didn't need to know that bit but I will tell all to see what you guys say). Anyway I moved into my mothers a few months later (Took me that long to leave the home because I couldn't face moving from my 2 children). So I was in my mothers for 3 months, in this time I met a girl online who happened to live close, started seeing her and 4 weeks later moved in with her (Yes I know, have heard it all before...moron etc). Was a messed up time for me and I just couldn't think straight. So anyway I was with this girl for 4 months, within this time the ex said she wanted me back and my kids cry to get me back home, this left me is a considerable depression and confusion and didn't know what to do. Anyway after being with this new girl for just 2 of those months we found out I had got her pregnant after just a couple of those weeks. So at this time I have both sides trying to pull me in different directions, I have my 2 children with my ex wanting me back and now I had this new girl pregnant so this is messed up right....
So with all this confusion I end up leaving my girlfriend and moving back to my ex, 2 days later I leave again and go back to the girlfriend, 1 day later I leave again and go back to the ex (Ok this happens a few times, I can't count)..... Anyway so now I have been in the ex wifes for 7 weeks and yesterday she said I have to leave because I have no feelings for her, thing is I do love this other girl (Yes it may not seem that way here but I do), but the thing is when I go today I know that the ex wife is taking my children to ireland to be with the rest of her family (mum, sister etc) because she says the only thing keeping her here was me. Now some of you may think I can seek legal advice to stop that right? Unfortunately no I can't that won't work, let me explain this. Although I love the 2 children I have with my ex wife, and she is a fantastic mother, the girlfriend who I met has a long history with social services and it isn't good, so me being with her and all what has happened with me trying to kill myself (2 times within this period) legal advice sides with the ex wife for the security of our children. I am no risk to the kids, I adore them I really do, but leaving today means I will hardly ever see them. So I have a lot of stuff going on here, I have been under mental health and had counsilling and signed off work for 7 weeks now, work are on my back and I have told them everything but still want me back in work and I have so much going on I just can't concentrate or decide. Here it is not a nice atmosphere, my ex and me argue and sometimes the children are seeing it which is not right at all, but leaving I am walking away from them, whichever way I go I will be the bad person and feel guilty. So yeah all very much messed up guys, so do you all think I should do?
Sorry for the rant, thought I needed to explain this.
You didn't help yourself in any situation. You wasn't in any mental state to be dating anyone, should have 100% focused on your kids and your own mental health. Instead of getting another women pregnant. But you know that already.
So first thing first, are you still seeing a doctor about your mental well being?
I'm sure if you are signed off by the doctor then work are not meant to be on your back. Sad times with your ex - sounds like she still wants you though but you have lost love to her? Also sounds probably the reason why is because she maybe got jealous that you were with someone else. To leave and keep going back says nothing has changed. How are things with the girlfriend or ex girlfriend?
Worst scenario getting someone else pregnant like. Something us men trust too much is that the female can hold up the contraception side of things.
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At the end of the day we could be more strict with ourselves about this but it seems we rarely are.
I've been caught out more than once for assuming things are taken care of.
Also with certain types of contraception different things can affect it so someone could be taking it correctly but it hasn't worked, hence why, with any type, it's not classed as 100% effective.
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You didn't help yourself in any situation. You wasn't in any mental state to be dating anyone, should have 100% focused on your kids and your own mental health. Instead of getting another women pregnant. But you know that already.
So first thing first, are you still seeing a doctor about your mental well being?
I am still seeing a doctor mate yes, I am on anti depressants currently and mental health team. I know I have made mistakes I am not saying I haven't.
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Things have been good with my ex girlfriend tbh, but the longer it goes on the worst everyone feels obviously, really messed things up.
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Guys I know I am messed up here, it's just been harder because of the children and just today I received a letter from my job which was not too nice saying I have gone over the sick period and due to me not keeping in touch which is not true they are not at all happy. Told them if they can't understand that I am going through hard times then I will leave, not a problem. Now I am ok financially and can afford to take time out of work whilst looking for another job, not a problem there but I expected more from that place tbh.
I would look into that. I'm sure you have to update them but bot sure they are allowed to threaten you.
You also need to decide what it is you want, you can't leave someone dangling on a string who is also pregnant with your child. You can't be with with someone just for the kids and if you get back with your ex wife I doubt it will work an no doubt she will call it off anyways and in the end you will have nobody. Don't have someone use a child as a weapon, but also your new ex girlfriend seems a bit dodgy by all accounts due to social services - is she even capable of looking after your new child or are you going to end up having it taken off you?
Soldato
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I'd be thinking this too. No offence meant OP, but if someone is happily jumping in to bed with a married man, who has two children, and moves him in after a month they do strike me as somewhat crazy already, so this isn't past the realms of possibility.
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Yes lads she is 100% pregnant guys, believe me I have heard that before and no offense taken. I know it's all so messed up.
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I know I have to choose, but I just can't and it is the hardest time I have ever had in my life. The ex girlfriend was in abusive relationships, 2 men who beat her and kids where removed, now I never even knew about social services before I met her I have never had anything like that and it certainly doesn't help my situation, I feel guilty and I feel confused at the same time.
Your ex wife made her bed and is now using kids as a weapon to blackmail you. Will you go back to being the family you once were? I doubt it, and no doubt will end up with you single, two ex and 3 child support claims whilst they both move onto new men. Sorry to be blunt but I personally think your only option here is to try the new one or none.
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I think you are right Jonny, I just need to get the balls to walk away today.
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16 years of on off, long distance, with child, relationship for me... Once more teetering on the edge of failing.
We love one another, combined with my tenacity and her tolerance, has kept us one step ahead of the inevitable permanent breakup.
Usually I would be in a dark place now, travelling "home" wondering wtf am I going to do.
Right now I have to make the decision to as to whether to cut loose for good (it's not the best position for our son to be in, never mind us) or find the strength to rise above it all and find a way again.
Life is not perfect.
We love one another, combined with my tenacity and her tolerance, has kept us one step ahead of the inevitable permanent breakup.
Usually I would be in a dark place now, travelling "home" wondering wtf am I going to do.
Right now I have to make the decision to as to whether to cut loose for good (it's not the best position for our son to be in, never mind us) or find the strength to rise above it all and find a way again.
Life is not perfect.
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