My son is a bit like this. What you need to find is a way of breaking down challenges into achievable chunks that you get reward from completing. Also eliminate distractions, it's far too easy these days to give up on something because there are 100 other things you could be doing.
The 5-year plan to 50k posts - part douche
- Thread starter FoxEye
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Why coding of all things?
It's a pretty esoteric skills hard to learn, it's ultra competitive for decent money positions and it's rapidly changing.
Why not be a gas fitter, or a electrician, a practical skill youcanleaenand monetise much quicker and less likely to be obsolete as fast
It's a pretty esoteric skills hard to learn, it's ultra competitive for decent money positions and it's rapidly changing.
Why not be a gas fitter, or a electrician, a practical skill youcanleaenand monetise much quicker and less likely to be obsolete as fast
'Getting fit' covers a hugely broad range of activities. If you mean you started running and going to the gym, well that type of thing definitely isn't for everyone. How about something like 5 a side football, rock climbing etc? It sounds like activities which get you outside with other people would probably benefit you in more ways than getting you fit.
Think of a dish you'd like to attempt, Google the recipe, buy the ingredients and follow the instructions
Man of Honour
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It really is, well it can be if you're not aware of it. What's daft is a lot of these people are chartered engineers or other professional institution. And to become chartered you need to demonstrate innovation, change, and adoption / adaption of new processes or ideas or methodologies. Heck, most of the companies I've worked at are ISO 9001 accredited which in itself should mean that they are driven by continuous improvement and quality.
I established reverse mentoring which half the board enjoyed the other half thought it was a waste of time. I got so fed up that all the push for change I had planned was ignored, that I was employed to do, which is what made me happy to leave, despite the lower salary. I don't mind working hard, but when the work you're doing and paid for is being ignored it's just pointless. I could still be there - but what's the point? I want to achieve something not get paid to do stuff that doesn't actually get delivered!
I couldn't agree with you more, and glad that I now work with industry leaders that at least have the same mentality on change / innovation - it can then at least cascade down and the industry can judge for themselves on who is leading the way and who is being left behind.
Going back to Foxeye's issue - it's so easy to quit because either you're not getting what you want, or you're failing. You either have to really chase what you're after and take the resources that are needed to get there, or don't - you can't do it in half measures. If it's any consolation I've tried to learn some programming (python) and I can follow the tutorials and do some stuff, but then I get lost and don't have the brain wired that way. However, if I had a good tutor, someone I can spend some time with to learn then I'd probably "get it" more. But for me self learning is hard, as I don't have the discipline or hunger to learn.
For example my charterships that I achieved, I had to work hard for, but I had guidelines, 1-2-1 support and a development plan where I had to apply my learnings and demonstrate that I knew stuff. This boosted my confidence as well as I was able to actually prove to myself that I knew stuff!
The issue here is to me on reading this one of depression. Therefore all the good advice will sadly fall on deaf ears until the fundamental mental state is in balance. Productive, positive, active people telling someone in a depressive state how easy it is just makes their issues worse. That is the challenge, hence my firm point at the start. All good intentions have and will continue to fall on deaf ears until our @FoxEye seeks some help to assist him get out of the rut I fear.
The good news is he can get out that rut, get a better mental state, find a life partner and have a future productive life no matter how old he is or where he sits in his life right now. There is no timescale, he just needs to seek help to make the change as he has proved unable to do it himself and that won't ever change I feel.
The good news is he can get out that rut, get a better mental state, find a life partner and have a future productive life no matter how old he is or where he sits in his life right now. There is no timescale, he just needs to seek help to make the change as he has proved unable to do it himself and that won't ever change I feel.
It's also false, as life isn't easy for anyone unless they're born into wealth with really good genetics and no serious health issues along the way. Even then, they will still have times where they question the meaning of it all.
Life is hard, we all live knowing it will come to an end and along the way, we'll lose people we love. The only way I've found to feel some level of contentedness is to take on responsibilities that I initially believed were beyond my capabilities. I have and will fail time and time again and that's fine as it means I'm still trying.
It is at the most basic level and he's admitted to quitting as soon as things get hard. The thread is now heading in the direction that depression must be the cause but what if it isn't? and even if it is, life is full of difficult challenges without mental health issues being present. Therapy isn't easy either and from previous threads, it doesn't sound like something he's willing to do, so we're back at quitting at the first hurdle again if a mental illness is in fact the root cause.
But you are doing exactly what I said doesn't help.
"Yea, life is tough, get over yourself"
I know you are right, I am able to deal with it, he isn't. A good starting point is to ask why, what is different and my suggestions based on moments in time, is some help might make it better. What won't and clearly hasn't is keep asking this forum and sharing his dilemma for us all to tell him "yes, life is tough, get over yourself".
It's not an unreasonable suggestion that Housey had made though, granted you can't armchair diagnose these things online, just the general suggestion that he perhaps seeks some help with it is useful.
Maybe it isn't depression or maybe depression is involved but is only part of the story - perhaps anxiety too etc.. or whatever other mental health conditions.
It is something that it's probably worth exploring, perhaps there is an aspect of laziness or lack or drive there too, maybe it isn't all just to be blamed on depression/anxiety etc... the OP doesn't completely lack agency here so perhaps the idea he should man up, crack on with actually doing something instead of quitting all the time has some merit too, but it's probably not useful as standalone advice as no doubt he's been dealing with this sort of thing for years.
The message isn't to get over himself, it's quite the opposite in accepting the fact that from the point he's currently at, everything is going to be hard. There's still a level of responsibility he needs to take on (even with a potential mental health problem) if he wants to make any progress and the therapy suggestion was put forward in the previous thread. A good starting point may be, why won't I go and get help? Is it because I simply don't want to be helped, I don't believe I have an issue or I don't believe it will work?
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Soldato
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I think part of the problem is how intelligent humans are. Mammals with lower intelligence just get on with the fight for survival, yet humans have self deception, denial, delusional thinking etc.
I agree that if someone is saying they have a problem but are refusing to get help, they should question why they are refusing to get help.
I agree that if someone is saying they have a problem but are refusing to get help, they should question why they are refusing to get help.
are you me?
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GD, press "back" now to keep your sanity and not become enraged by my utter uselessness
I just laughed internally, then kept reading.
OK. One of my many (many) flaws is one I share with Homer Simpson
Firstly, Homer Simpson defiantly doesn't do that, quite the opposite, take the Monorail episode for example, he didn't quit, he just destroyed the Monorail
. He usually gets weirdly engrossed in some oddly specific areas, events in the Simpsons resolve as the show has no continuity. I'll give you that he's extremely lazy though.The only way to get this done is to allocate time and stick to the allocation. Two hour blocks twice a week, for at least a month is about the minimum amount of time you can allocate to learning a new skill and not just completely forget it.
For example, I've tried to "learn to code" many, many times, scratching the surface over and over. The basics of any programming language are easy to learn and that's great - I love easy
But more to the point, learning to code - as with getting good at anything - gets seriously hard, once you move beyond beginner level. Suffice to say, when given the opportunity to build something from scratch, it was awful. Seriously, potentially the most bug-ridden, fragile, assumption-ridden spooge masquerading as "code", that the world has ever seen. And so, truly ashamed and dejected, unable to even look at what I'd spawned, I chose to give up, put away the editor, and go back to the (easy) day job.
As a software engineer that has self taught 6-15 programming languages (pending on what counts) I can tell you right now that most code is a mess, I've seen enterprise dev's at previous places of work which had barely any idea what they were doing, they were constantly hovering only barely above the level which allowed them to explain how they were wasting their time. Very few people get to a point where they actually know what's going on - they just learn enough about the specifics of their particular job to get by. It takes practice, both in learning the fundamentals and in learning a specific language. Getting both the fundamentals and the specifics down isn't something that happens quickly. Start with one of the many youtube videos out there which show how to create a basic notes program, getting practice doing something is always a good start.
But this thread isn't about my journeys and frustrations with BASIC (no, not really
I'd learn a better language anyway, other than VB (which most people don't like anyway) there isn't that much new BASIC dev going on.
Young Devs tend to be worse in many regards than the old guard. It's literally the opposite of what you're saying. I've met so many Dev's who get scared of the thought of a CLI or.... I could rant for hours but defiantly software is not ageist, at least not in favor of younglings.
I can relate, IMO all your problems ultimately stem from an inability to manage your time. Get a calendar and setup some recurring appointments to do whatever you need to get done. If you can't stick to it, then get the wife/mother/friend to kick your behind into gear when your not following the schedule you just setup.
Soldato
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When you're depressed most of the time you don't know you are. You just can't shift that massive dark cloud, that heavy blanket of the world that seems to just pull you down and even the smallest things seem insurmountable and when you start to understand that you probably are depressed, or something isn't right, the fear kicks in. Until you're in it, it's really very hard to understand a mindset that doesn't make sense, even for the person experiencing it.
I know, I was diagnosed with depression in my 20's and it took me a long time before I went to see my GP. This is why "go and get therapy" is difficult advice to someone who's already had it suggested to them and has probably already considered it.
You might not know you're depressed but you can look at your symptoms against the common ones for depression and decide whether it's worth speaking to someone about it.
@FoxEye have you considered this may be the case and if so, why haven't you seen anyone yet? Your answer to this question could help people who've been through it give you some more specific advice.
But that doesn't change the fact he probably will need to see someone to resolve his issues.
You can...
1) Offer gentle advice (seems not to have worked to this point)
2) Tell him straight that he should seek help and stop posting on here for ears (my preference as this is the best answer I feel)
3) Take the **** out of him (Easy but says more about the **** takers shortcomings really)
4) ignore him (Fair enough)
I've had the same mindset/internal monologues/anxieties my whole life. Ever since primary school. I don't recall anything traumatic in my childhood, so it's fairly safe to say there wasn't some specific trigger that knocked me off course.
I'm not sure I can have been suffering from depression my whole life. Is that even possible? From childhood?
Owing to the fact that this is all I know, I do kind of just drift about from day to day, with the overwhelming sensation that trying anything different would be hopeless anyhow.
"Some people are just made that way," is what I've sort of concluded about myself.
And this point my life course is so different from any normal person that I feel strategies that work for normal people couldn't possibly work for me. This is no doubt a product of incorrect thinking but it might explain why I haven't sought help from anyone.
I will attempt to write down some of my thought processes and see about sending them off to somebody for analysis. I certainly think I will need to do some preparation if I go down this route.
