OcUK Dadsnet thread

[AhhBisto]

@Illuminist

Honestly sounds like if you go back to a more normal routine or get a couple days off to yourself and go out for the day and remind her how much she's appreciated in difficult times you'll be a OK. I understand working long continues shifts it mentally drains but sometimes and add another person who's drained and it can get toxic.

I've just been called lazy after cooking and cleaning for 2 hours straight because I needed to go for a **** and I hadn't wiped our daughters face...Lack of energy does things to people.

 

[Illuminist]

@Illuminist

Honestly sounds like if you go back to a more normal routine or get a couple days off to yourself and go out for the day and remind her how much she's appreciated in difficult times you'll be a OK. I understand working long continues shifts it mentally drains but sometimes and add another person who's drained and it can get toxic.

I've just been called lazy after cooking and cleaning for 2 hours straight because I needed to go for a **** and I hadn't wiped our daughters face...Lack of energy does things to people.

Thank you for this, really helps, I'm not alone.

 

[mjt]

Bit of a dilemma. My some weighs approx 20 kgs, do I keep him in a size one seat of move him upto a backed booster? He is currently in a Maxi Cosi Tobi. I've not mentioned his age, but it's less than 4.

He's outgrown your current seat if he’s 20kg as it’s rated 9-18kg.

The new I-size ratings are done by height now rather than weight. My eldest outgrew his Concord Reverso Plus due to height rather than weight just after his third birthday and we were apprehensive about him going into a forward-facing high-backed booster at such a young age but there was nothing we could do about it.

Went with a BeSafe iZi Flex Fix i‑Size and it’s great. Very light and no complaints from him.

 

[theone8181]

He's outgrown your current seat if he’s 20kg as it’s rated 9-18kg.

The new I-size ratings are done by height now rather than weight. My eldest outgrew his Concord Reverso Plus due to height rather than weight just after his third birthday and we were apprehensive about him going into a forward-facing high-backed booster at such a young age but there was nothing we could do about it.

Went with a BeSafe iZi Flex Fix i‑Size and it’s great. Very light and no complaints from him.

The problem is that hes 3 in September, not sure if thats too little for a bigger seat?

 

[AhhBisto]

The problem is that hes 3 in September, not sure if thats too little for a bigger seat?

Age is just an estimate with car seats it's about height and weight.

 

[mjt]

The problem is that hes 3 in September, not sure if thats too little for a bigger seat?

We got the BeSafe on his 3rd birthday, and we thought that was early, so I can see why you’re concerned.

What you could do is buy a Concord Reverso Plus, which is lightweight and is rated up to 21kg as a result.
Downsides are that it’s hideously expensive and as it’s rear-facing, the front passenger gets their knees in their face unless you’ve got a RR Phantom or Skoda Superb

Hands down best for safety though.

Age is just an estimate with car seats it's about height and weight.

Indeed. Which is why I-size is now height instead of the old Group 0/1 etc of isofix, which was weight only.

 

[theone8181]

He's about 95cm tall for reference. I weighed him tonight and seems to be around 18kgs. Still on the limit for his seat. I've found a joie bold that will do harness upto 25kg. Tbh I didn't realise you could go above 18 on a harness. He is quite stocky though,y 5 year old daughter only weighs 2 kgs more.

 

[Diagro]

@Illuminist

Honestly sounds like if you go back to a more normal routine or get a couple days off to yourself and go out for the day and remind her how much she's appreciated in difficult times you'll be a OK. I understand working long continues shifts it mentally drains but sometimes and add another person who's drained and it can get toxic.

I've just been called lazy after cooking and cleaning for 2 hours straight because I needed to go for a **** and I hadn't wiped our daughters face...Lack of energy does things to people.

Heh.

I've been up with my 10month old since 6.
Left the wife to sleep in.

She came down at 9...

I said "going for a poo, here have the child".
She said "errm... I want to make food, take him with you, I have to poo when he's here".

Yea ok... So one... She actually poos? I thought women never did that...

Secondly, she is forced to as I'm always at work. But we are BOTH home! FFS

 

[Diagro]

I'd kill for 6 hours sleep, my eldest is nearly 7, i dont think ive had 4-5 hours max a night since she was born!

My baby sleeps through, I generally get 7-8 hours each night.
I wake up once to get bottle, wife feeds him.

 

[Tinders]

I hate you

Annoying thing is I’m conditioned to be not able to sleep now. So even when I’m away with work I’m still struggling with having 8 hours

 

[Diagro]

I hate you

Annoying thing is I’m conditioned to be not able to sleep now. So even when I’m away with work I’m still struggling with having 8 hours

My son is really good with sleep. I expect him to regress soon though.

 

[RoboCod]

I hate you

Annoying thing is I’m conditioned to be not able to sleep now. So even when I’m away with work I’m still struggling with having 8 hours

I hear ya! Ours is up every 2hrs then getting him back down to sleep can be a struggle. Generally getting 4-6hrs broken sleep at the moment. I guess you just adapt to it though, I've never been much of a sleeper anyway.

 

[Tinders]

Both my youngest have been terrible sleepers, it’s the wife’s fault, she used to rock them to sleep and now they are used to it. The 5 year old will come to our room at midnight on the dot every day. And the youngest, hes up for milk once and takes a good while to get back to bed, he wakes up at other times but thankfully goes back to sleep after a quick cuddle.

 

[Andybtsn]

7 year old: As a baby slept through the night but refused naps during the day which was a slight nightmare. Now she just hates going to bed and can't switch off, she will be awake come 9pm most nights. I'm sure it will eventually catch up with her.
4 year old: Model child when it came to sleep, was always down at 7pm and slept until 9am the following day. It's creeping backwards of late though but usually up around 8am.
1 year old: Model child mk2, goes down at 7am and wakes around 8/9am. Also has a 2 hour nap during the day.

 

[dl8860]

Chaps, car seats.

Currently have a 12 month old with a Group 0+.

Thinking of moving on to a Group 1/2/3 to not have to buy another, until baby number 2 has to graduate out of the Group 0+.

Can you fit 3 G1/2/3s across the back seat of a normal car, for when we have 3 kids between age of say 4 and 10 years old?

Is the isofix base not really needed for G1/2/3 seats, as the main benefit is ease of putting in and taking out of the car? Or is the added stability worth it?

 

[Tinders]

It’s quite hard to find a car to accommodate 3 seats. I tried quite a few cars, you ideally want a car with 3 individual seats, Picasso and CRV work well. I tried a superb and A4 estate and they couldn’t get seats in. I have a XC60 and that will do it aswell.

What car do you have?

 

[dl8860]

Currently have a Focus Estate (only car, we both commute by train), though by the time we have the third I will probably have acquiesced to wife's desire for an XC60. So if that'll do 3 across then that'll do I suppose.

 

[Pookie Bear]

Not long for me - we've got our section date (a secret, because some people I know IRL know me on here!) and my non-dad days are very, very soon coming to an end.

I've had both car seats in the car for the last 4 weeks so I can get used to driving with less legroom.
The nursery is pretty much done, cots built, shelves up, walls painted, clothes prepared, cuddly toys piled ceiling high, two nappy stations (one upstairs and one downstairs), bouncers, moses baskets, kitchen sink...
Buggy, carry cots built (what a pain!), double stroller being picked up on Sunday (cutting it fairly close).
Work is prepared, and they're ok with me taking my paternity with little warning (I'll only be starting it once the kids are home as we've been told to expect 5-7 days in afterwards).

I still feel like there's something I've forgotten!

 

[robj20]

We soon stopped using the changing mats. Pointless, you just change them where ever.

We do have a box both upstairs and down with, wipes, nappies, nappy bags, bibs.

We were strongly advised against using a bouncer.

Also what car do you have that means you have reduced leg room with a car seat in the back? With the seat in there is still a good 8 inches between that and my seat and in about 6ft.

 

[Oxide™]

@Pookie Bear I'm in a similar boat - dad to be EDD 21st June for the first time. It's going to be so different having to grow up and be responsible for a defenseless little thing.

I've made a note of things to do after birth/during paternity that you may/may not have already considered:
set Out of Office whilst on paternity
add baby to medical insurance policy
register baby birth
notification of birth
arrange passport
sort will
register at doctor
register at dentist
arrange child benefit
attend baby first aid course (Red Cross done)

I've been jotting down a bunch of tips from internet sources which may be of assistance: (feel free to add more guys)

• Book swimming classes early
  
  
• If wife struggling with mental health = speak to her folks, best friend, health visitor, gp (proper grass her up if its for babies best interest)
  
  
• When kid old enough that sleeping in a light room in summer is an issue then invest in blackout blinds (Blocblinds.com)
  
  
• Leave an hour earlier than planned when taking baby to places
  
  
• Use tea towels instead of bibs
  
  
• Ask for help!
  
  
• Try sleep when baby sleeps
  
  
• For assistance use MSE parental thread (not mumsnet), NHS, charities, friends
  
  
• Use lots of cushions when breastfeeding for support/comfort (biological breastfeeding – lean back)
  
  
• Use baby growbags to help with sleeping - babygrows not clothes and growbags not blankets
  
  
• pin a 'baby sleeping' sign on the front door to stop disturbances
  
  
• Cold water sterilisers are much more economical than the microwave variety. Mothercare do a big blue bucket that fits 6 bottles, made by Milton
  
  
• For cheap baby proofing, buy some pipe lagging and gaffer tape it to table corners, edges etc.
  
  
• Get to toddler groups and make real friends
  
  
• Trust your instincts – even if professionals (NHS) advise otherwise
  
  
• Look for childminder early
  
  
• Don't feel guilty about anything, whether that's how you feed your baby or whether they go to nursery at six months - whatever you do, someone will always criticise- ignore them and follow your gut
  
  
• you can get lansinoh on prescription, its blooming expensive otherwise! If you plan to breastfeed, get some and take it to hospital with you - use lots!
  
  
• If allergic to sweeteners then Ranitidine can be prescribed to help heart burn during pregnancy
  
  
• Get lots of things in that you can snack on, ideally one handed!
  
  
• Vanish oxi action spray has helped me tackle baby poo etc stains. If you find that baby poo spills out the side of the nappy then the nappy may be too big. the snugger the nappy, the better the poo is contained (LIDL/ALDI nappies are excellent for the price if they fit)
  
  
• put a folded up muslin or terry nappy by baby's head of the crib, pram etc. This is easier to remove while baby sleeps/easier to clean
  
  
• If baby has dry skin, cradle cap eczema or similar then one of the best things you can get is Aqueous cream - Mixed with boiling water and added to baby's bath water you can wash baby with it instead of soap & even rub it on their skin afterwards
  
  
• dummyclips to tie dummys to clothing and sock-ons to keep socks on feet
  
  
• Write your mobile number in their shoes – babies are always losing a shoe
  
  
• try and go for a walk every day and get some fresh air. It may help with sleep, it makes you feel better and it helps with the post-baby weight!
  
  
• cuddle and hold your newborn for as long as YOU want, take no notice what people say, the newborn stage passes so quickly
  
  
• Tummy time is a great way for baby to exercise/bond
  
  
• Keep a diary, it will be amazing what you forget
  
  
• take hand and feet prints, they will never be this little again
  
  
• Put something of mum's eg her top into the crib (over the bottom sheet is ideal) if baby won't settle. Smell is the strongest sense for a new baby
  
  
• Cloth nappies really are worth it (save a fortune and loads of landfill) and are far less work than anyone admits - poo gets shaken out into the toilet rather than going into landfill. With shaped nappies (eg TotsBots or Motherease) and soft waterproof wraps (separate waterproof layer, again TotsBots or Motherease or similar) you get great containment (no poo up the back, so no ruined clothes) and a very comfy baby. Washable fleece liners keep baby's bottom as dry as a disposable. We did stop with the washables around potty training time and change for pull ups for a few weeks as we got ready for potty training - no need to soak or boil, just a rinse (in the machine) then a normal wash at 40 or 60 - 1 nappy wash a day for 3 in nappies, 1 nappy wash every 2 days for 2 in nappies and 1 every third day for just 1 in nappies. always do a separate nappy wash!
  
  
• You can buy domperidone (Motilium) over the counter at a pharmacy but DON'T self-medicate without speaking to GP, midwife or HV first! Helps with tummy troubles and side effect is increased milk production
  
  
• The kitchen sink is a great place to bath a baby, no bending over. Put the changing mat on the drainer with a warm towel. So much easier!
  
  
• It seems that babies won't settle if they're being held by their mum as they can still smell the milk, even bottlefed babies will associate their mum with food. We always recommend that dad (or anyone else if he's not around) takes the baby away from mum for a few minutes, settles the baby and then puts them in the crib to sleep
  
  
• Change baby's nappy before feeding, especially at night
  
  
• Don't compare your baby to others – they all develop at different rates and all get there in the end
  
  
• Colief for coliccy babies – expensive but sooo worth it
  
  
• A nail brush for getting the poop out from under your fingernails!
  
  
• Put up a poster in the nursery that says:
  Hungry
  Wet
  Tired
  Gassy
  Cold
  I was so sleep-deprived that I was not able to hold all three of those items in my head at once. "Well, he's either hungry, wet, or tired, but he just woke up and I just changed him... so what the fark is he crying about?" I called this list my "crib sheet."
  
  
• If you do find you need to formula feed, then 100% buy a perfect prep machine, it was a lifesaver when we had to switch to formula. Again you can get them secondhand, but ask the person selling to take the back cover off so you can see that the pipes are clear.
  
  
• Use a local nappy library to get samples of nappies to see which fit
  
  
• ALDI mamia formula is cheaper than aptamil and just as good
  
  
• My number 1 best buy would without a doubt be cheeky wipes
  
  
• have a list ready when people ask what you would like them to buy for the baby
  
  
• Toiletries: babies don’t need any apart from nappy cream and (possibly) baby shampoo. The latest advice is to not put any creams or oils on the rest of their skin for the first 3 months, (unless they have a skin condition, and you have been advised to do so by a doctor) You will hear conflicting advice on this front as not everyone is up-to-date with this. They really don’t need coconut oil, olive oil or anything else, even if their skin is a little dry after the birth. And definitely not baby oil, which is made from petrol by-products!
  
  
• If you had ~14k a year to spend whilst your child is 4 - 18 years old, you could put it in a low cost index fund ISA (e.g. Vanguard) instead. If it achieved an average return of 7%, for a total deposit of under £200k there would be over £347k in there by the end of the 14 year period
  
  
• A woman knows her body better than anyone else and it is built to birth. A midwife will know well ahead if the birth isn't going to plan or if it's becoming high risk. At that point it will be a case of having a doctor involved. So whether in a hospital or not, the woman will get the attention she needs, since the midwife will know. All I'm saying is there is more inclination to intervene when you're in hospital. At the slightest hint of any deviation and it's on with induction and/or c section. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way