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[Illuminist]

Well it is, just go to bed earlier? In your current routine you're getting 8hrs sleep! On 8hrs you're living like a king considering you're a parent.

I get far from 8 hours sleep, because I am up at least twice for feeding / nappy time , im lucky if i get 6 outta that time, and thats if he is being settled. I worked on 30 minutes on thursday. I didn't post here because im entitled or special, or to be poked at, i came for help. But its clear now that I made a mistake.

 

[RoboCod]

I get far from 8 hours sleep, because I am up at least twice for feeding / nappy time , im lucky if i get 6 outta that time, and thats if he is being settled. I worked on 30 minutes on thursday. I didn't post here because im entitled or special, or to be poked at, i came for help. But its clear now that I made a mistake.

You asked for opinions. You've received opinions. You didn't like the opinions. Grow up and good luck!

 

[Kreeeee]

.

 

[Quartz]

Lack of staff, Im the manager, have to fill the gaps unfortunately.

So recruit the staff you need. Or pay another member of staff overtime to do the work. Time not spent with your child cannot be recovered. No one ever said, "I wish I'd spent more time at work and less time with my family." on their deathbed.

 

[Illuminist]

You asked for opinions. You've received opinions. You didn't like the opinions. Grow up and good luck!

Sweeping generalisations are not helpful, thanks for the understanding though of someone reaching out. Duh, just go to bed earlier.... Ohhhh I never thought of that, that's genius! What an insightful opinion!

 

[Illuminist]

So recruit the staff you need. Or pay another member of staff overtime to do the work. Time not spent with your child cannot be recovered. No one ever said, "I wish I'd spent more time at work and less time with my family." on their deathbed.

It's not about work, I was asking for help consoling my wife, convincing her it was temporary.
I was kinda hoping for just some empathy from others that work a lot sometimes and have been through this. I will step back from the conversation now though, with thanks.

Then considering that she's a full time mum and not working there should be a way to make it work.

Have a chat with her, maybe there is something in particular causing an issue and complaining about you working too much is the easy win in comparison to discussing the true source.

Thank you for taking the time to try and understand and the answers you've given, I obviously will discuss it with my wife and find out what is the underlying cause of this reaction as I have only worked like this for 2 weeks,and will go back to normalcy from tomorrow onwards.
Thanks again.

 

[mjt]

@Illuminist speak with her. If it’s only been happening for 2 weeks then she is overreacting a little. Don’t forget that she’s ont just given birth (2 months isn’t exactly a long time) and pregnancy/breast-feeding brain is a thing allegedly...

Anyway, I’m amazed she’s complaining about you not spending enough time with her and not the baby! Is she high maintenance?

Good luck. I work long hours during the week (only saw my kids briefly before I went to work between Monday-Thursday) but I try to spend all my time with them at weekend if I can. (He says whilst posting on here )

Anyway- talk to her. If she can’t understand why you need the sleep then explain it to her. Mine understood eventually and actually lets me sleep in sometimes.

 

[RoboCod]

Sweeping generalisations are not helpful, thanks for the understanding though of someone reaching out. Duh, just go to bed earlier.... Ohhhh I never thought of that, that's genius! What an insightful opinion!

With the limited information you've posted I can only come to the conclusions I have with that. If they're incorrect generalisations, you should post more info.

From what I can deduce is, you get home from work a little after midnight and spend then time on your own until 3am. You've said you do things like relax, therefore I assume you can just choose not do that and go to bed earlier and then wake up earlier because the way I see it is probably how your wife sees it. You could get up earlier and spend time with her and the kid. Instead what you appear to be doing is going to bed later than required, lying in bed until as late as possible and then, conveniently, that absolves you of all responsibility in the home during these long shift times. On top of that, you're dropping the "I work" card to claim you're doing your bit on her. Sorry, that's the worst thing to say and do, she'll resent that comment, I've done it myself.

I'm sorry you're not receiving from me a response you probably hoped. To me you appear to be seeking sympathy and I dare GENERALISE that you want everyone to say "yeah your wife is being an unreasonable cow, tell her to do one". I'm afraid, given your responses, it sounds like she's the one with her work cut out. When does she relax? You say you get 6hrs sleep, I still think that's pretty reasonable! You know it's a difficult job, you clearly need to be putting more effort in, sorry.

 

[Tinders]

I'd kill for 6 hours sleep, my eldest is nearly 7, i dont think ive had 4-5 hours max a night since she was born!

 

[Devrij]

The obvious answer, and one that has already been given, is that you need to talk to your wife and ask her what you can do? It sounds like she'll say that you should just get up earlier.

Two sides to this: it's rough on you, but it's also rough on her.

Given that this is a temporary situation (make sure it is), I'd reiterate that, but also show willing by going to bed a bit earlier (I know you have bugger all time when you get back, but this is a temporary emergency situation) and get up a bit earlier. You'll be knackered, but sure you're a parent so that's inevitable. Just ride it dude.

 

[Illuminist]

With the limited information you've posted I can only come to the conclusions I have with that. If they're incorrect generalisations, you should post more info.

From what I can deduce is, you get home from work a little after midnight and spend then time on your own until 3am. You've said you do things like relax, therefore I assume you can just choose not do that and go to bed earlier and then wake up earlier because the way I see it is probably how your wife sees it. You could get up earlier and spend time with her and the kid. Instead what you appear to be doing is going to bed later than required, lying in bed until as late as possible and then, conveniently, that absolves you of all responsibility in the home during these long shift times. On top of that, you're dropping the "I work" card to claim you're doing your bit on her. Sorry, that's the worst thing to say and do, she'll resent that comment, I've done it myself.

I'm sorry you're not receiving from me a response you probably hoped. To me you appear to be seeking sympathy and I dare GENERALISE that you want everyone to say "yeah your wife is being an unreasonable cow, tell her to do one". I'm afraid, given your responses, it sounds like she's the one with her work cut out. When does she relax? You say you get 6hrs sleep, I still think that's pretty reasonable! You know it's a difficult job, you clearly need to be putting more effort in, sorry.

Don't know what your problem is. Just don't reply to me if your just going to be negative, I don't want sympathy, and the replies I got from two other members were much more helpful than your scathing condescension.

 

[Illuminist]

The obvious answer, and one that has already been given, is that you need to talk to your wife and ask her what you can do? It sounds like she'll say that you should just get up earlier.

Two sides to this: it's rough on you, but it's also rough on her.

Given that this is a temporary situation (make sure it is), I'd reiterate that, but also show willing by going to bed a bit earlier (I know you have bugger all time when you get back, but this is a temporary emergency situation) and get up a bit earlier. You'll be knackered, but sure you're a parent so that's inevitable. Just ride it dude.

Thank you for the reply, like I said before. I'm lucky if I get 6 hours sleep, it's mostly 3 or 4 for to feeds. But thank you, you've helped put it in perspective

 

[Illuminist]

The obvious answer, and one that has already been given, is that you need to talk to your wife and ask her what you can do? It sounds like she'll say that you should just get up earlier.

Two sides to this: it's rough on you, but it's also rough on her.

Given that this is a temporary situation (make sure it is), I'd reiterate that, but also show willing by going to bed a bit earlier (I know you have bugger all time when you get back, but this is a temporary emergency situation) and get up a bit earlier. You'll be knackered, but sure you're a parent so that's inevitable. Just ride it dude.

Appreciate the reply, thank you, I'll let the conversation move on, I've spoken to my wife, she just misses me and apologised, as have i, I explained how im trying but tired everyday, she explained that she is getting more sleep than me at the moment so she will let me sleep untill next week when things will go back to normal.
Thanks again

 

[Devrij]

Thank you for the reply, like I said before. I'm lucky if I get 6 hours sleep, it's mostly 3 or 4 for to feeds. But thank you, you've helped put it in perspective

I hate to say it, but 6hrs is often about average for a lot of parents (generous, my wife says, while peering over my shoulder lol). Hopefully this 12hr night shift thing passes and you can get back to some sense of normality.

 

[Devrij]

Appreciate the reply, thank you, I'll let the conversation move on, I've spoken to my wife, she just misses me and apologised, as have i, I explained how im trying but tired everyday, she explained that she is getting more sleep than me at the moment so she will let me sleep untill next week when things will go back to normal.
Thanks again

Oh nice, result!

 

[RoboCod]

Don't know what your problem is. Just don't reply to me if your just going to be negative, I don't want sympathy, and the replies I got from two other members were much more helpful than your scathing condescension.

If a reply from a randomer is going to rile you so much then as I said, good luck!

 

[Tonyabrhm]

I get far from 8 hours sleep, because I am up at least twice for feeding / nappy time , im lucky if i get 6 outta that time, and thats if he is being settled. I worked on 30 minutes on thursday. I didn't post here because im entitled or special, or to be poked at, i came for help. But its clear now that I made a mistake.

Pretty hilarious really. I was talking about how easy I find being a dad and RoboCod was one that opposed my opinion. Funny eh.

 

[RoboCod]

Pretty hilarious really. I was talking about how easy I find being a dad and RoboCod was one that opposed my opinion. Funny eh.

In which post did I hurt your feelings?

 

[Devrij]

Lads, I'm not into this whole "safe space" stuff, but seriously enough with the bickering. If there's one thing I've learned about parenting, it's that everyone's experiences are different. Accept that. Share your experience, offer helpful advice where you can, but don't take your own experiences as fact, and be cool if someone has a different experience or opinion.

This thread was just supposed to be a place where new dads can get a bit of reassurance and advice (and maybe a bit of good natured ribbing on the lines of "say goodbye to sleep" etc), and where experienced parents can vent about the trials and tribulations of raising some mentalist that defies them at every turn or beam with pride at some new success of their child prodigy and hope that the other people in the thread will get it.

So try to keep it positive and constructive. Big love brothers.

P. S. not pointed at anyone specific, I've just noted a few protracted debates that have derailed the thread lately

 

[theone8181]

Bit of a dilemma. My some weighs approx 20 kgs, do I keep him in a size one seat of move him upto a backed booster? He is currently in a Maxi Cosi Tobi. I've not mentioned his age, but it's less than 4.