Am i in the wrong with the girlfirend

dean_ham

dean_ham

dean_ham

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Sorry for posting here but i need a neutral reply from people i dont know.

OK

Basically im an electrical apprentice bringing home £220 a week, which i save roughly half of that for future savings, holidays etc.

My girlfirend is also an apprentice, hairdressing earning £100 a week + tips.

After coming back from holidays last september we decided to go on holls this june.

I found off her the other day while looking for hollidays that i would "have to lend her money for holidays"

How much i asked.... well i got £300 (money left over from her birthday money) what about money saved for the holiday? I got nothing she says....

Now ive been going out with the girl for 3 years and i do trust her. But i am so angry that she hasnt saved NOTHING in the last 6-7 months. I know shes only on £100 a week, and her outgoings are at most £30-40 a week. She has £60+ a week to play with. But this week she will be going out on friday/saturday and sunday... and would rather go out 3 times on the weekend that go out once and save the rest.. which has pee'd me off.

So then i gotta lend her money.... shes goes off looking for holidays to egypt/dominican republic all roughly £700.

Bascially i said to her, if i lend you this money when you gonna pay me back?
She goes off on a mad one saying "you know ill pay you back etc etc"

I then basically told her i aint lending you the money because you havent saved 1 penny. I told her if she actually saved a bit i would give you the rest but she hasnt saved 1 bit.

She thinks i got a cheek to ask her when shes going to pay me back etc.

Im telling her that shes living beyond her means and that she cant afford to go on holls thats why i aint giving her the money.

Worst thing about it we "were" going on holls for my 21st...... looks like we have split up now and am confused if i was right to stand my ground or not?

Opinions....

Cheers guys

p.s worst thing about it her mother agrees with her that im a {EDIT} for not lending her money and i feel like rubbish.

edit : sorry for 1 or 2 swearies, spur of the moment angry post :(
 
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You might want to edit those swearies out...

I think that you are right to be angry that she hasn't saved any, particularly since it seems you have plans. She should really have saved some if she wanted to, and it seems pretty easy to not go out for a little bit to save. However it does sound like you may have talked down to her, your approach from your OP seems a bit condescending and something you would do on your children, not your partner. I mean at the end of the day I see that you are her fella, but who are you to dictate how she spends her income?
 
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I can see your point of view and I guess that if you don't want to lend her money then perhaps she isn't the right girl for you.

PS - Editing the swearie would be a good idea.
 
Kamerad said:
She earns a pittance and you should have let her borrow the money.
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people on a pittance can still save money if they try. I think that's all the OP wanted.

A pittance is earning enough to survive, not earning enough to go out and get drunk 2 or 3 times a week.
 
life doesnt work like that and now your not around with your money she'll probably end up on debt and then she'll understand why you did what you did
 
How old is the girl in question?

Could she not borrow the money from her parents/employer, if it was something like £300 i would probably lend my patner the money or perhaps consider a smaller 'break' rather than a full on holiday, to somewhere less exotic.
 
I think it's totally appropriate that you don't want to lend her the money after she has made no effort, and *expected* you to lend money.

If this thing has lead to a break-up then she is very immature imo.
 
She cant lend any money off her mother because she has no money.

Thats the thing, IF SHE NEEDED THE MONEY i would give it to her no problems but its a holliday!

She is 18...

She has £60-70 a week to spend what she wants on.....

At least she could have saved £10 a week of that for the last 6-8 months. She would have £250-350 by now....
 
dean_ham said:
She cant lend any money off her mother because she has no money.

Thats the thing, IF SHE NEEDED THE MONEY i would give it to her no problems but its a holliday!

She is 18...

She has £60-70 a week to spend what she wants on.....

At least she could have saved £10 a week of that for the last 6-8 months. She would have £250-350 by now....
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break-up with her if she's really having a barny. tell her to give you a ring when she grows up tbh.
 
I think you're in the right, because she's trying to take you for an easy ride (or so it seems). However, the way you've gone about it is completely stupid.

If I was you, you should make it clear that you will lend her the money on the circumstance that she at least attempts to save up. Perhaps offer to double whatever she saves. Don't spilt up with her over something so silly.
 
dean_ham said:
... p.s worst thing about it her mother agrees with her that im a ***** for not lending her money and i feel like .....
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Her mum should lend her the money, then.

dean_ham said:
and would rather go out 3 times on the weekend that go out once and save the rest..
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That says it all right there, then. She wants to spend, not save, and your "loan" wouldn't be a loan, it'd be a gift. If you're happy to use your income to let her spend above her income, then "lend" her the money.

It looks like she has champagne and caviar plans but a pork pie and coke means.

Also, expecting you to make up the difference is presumptious. If you offered, that's one thing, but it looks to me like she's gone off on one because you've seen through her and called her on it.

Then again, I don't laugh at "Grumpy Old Men" for nothing. I are one. :D
 
And before you all may think im a tight arse, if we goto pictures or somthing i always pay etc, its not as if i pay for mine u pay for yours.

And to be fair she never expects me to pay for anything when we go out, she always offers to pay and sometimes she does.

But its different paying for my £5 cinema ticket and then expecting a £700 holiday ticket in return because "she has never asked for anything off me before"

She can spin...

I am feeling sick that we have finnished over somthing so unnecessary, and 3 1/2 years of waste.... But now i realise what sort of girl she is and that ive been trying to put it out of my mind for so long... oh well :(
 
Sounds like a girl who cannot control her spending, and expects you to pay the whole holiday without any contribution.

I can understand the man pays all the bills and other expences but I tend to think other luxuries are things that both of you need to contribute.
 
dean_ham said:
I am feeling sick that we have finnished over somthing so unnecessary, and 3 1/2 years of waste.... But now i realise what sort of girl she is and that ive been trying to put it out of my mind for so long... oh well :(
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3.5 years of waste? Oh do grow up. No relationship that lasts some time is a waste. You're saying things you don't mean because you're angry. You should above all put it down to experience if it is well and truely over. I'm sorry to burst your bubble too, but very few teenage relationships last the distance.
 
dean_ham said:
p.s worst thing about it her mother agrees with her that im a ***** for not lending her money and i feel like rubbish.
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Stand your ground mate youve done just the right thing. She wants you to pay for her holiday.

Ignore her mum, shes been spun a load of read me by your lass to get her onside.
 
What is it with all the swearies in this thread?

Edit out them out or people will be getting some holidays from here too ;)
 
Nix said:
3.5 years of waste? Oh do grow up. No relationship that lasts some time is a waste. You're saying things you don't mean because you're angry. You should above all put it down to experience if it is well and truely over. I'm sorry to burst your bubble too, but very few teenage relationships last the distance.
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Yes i can see where your coming from and most prob i have learned a thing or 2 from this relationship.

But ive been with her since i was 17, i have missed out on a lot of things aswell by being with her.

But what i mean that its a waste is that i was planning on getting a house with her and doing the "live happily ever after"

I suppose thats not going to happen with this girl and it seems like a waste of time and effort at the moment....
 
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