Am i in the wrong with the girlfirend

mark.souness said:
I had the impression it was more to do with trusting someone, the only way he could feel as though he was being used is if he doesn't trust her to pay back the money, in which case she is in the right to be angry.
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Im argry for a number of reasons.

1) she hasnt saved nothin what so ever - which she has known about for 7'od months

2) the way she asked "im going to have to lend money off you" like a few guys posted and people ive spoken to, their girlfriends feel horrible for borrowing money off them. My impression was that she didnt really care that she had to borrow money off me because "its not as if i will miss it anyway" as i have saved a few thousand over the last few years for a deposit on a house.

3) there was none of this talk "i will give it back to you as soon as i can" and i basically had to ask her "when you planning on paying me back" to which she didnt like and thats when the arguments started
 
She expects him to do all the saving and give her a good holiday for nowt.

She's just using him to get what she wants. He's well out of it.
 
If she can't afford to go away she shouldn't expect you to foot her bill.

Fair enough if your seeing someone and on more money I wouldn't mind paying for meals nights out etc as she's skint.

But she's known this holiday was coming up and hasn't saved a penny yet can afford to go out drinking etc.

I would feel like she expected me to pay all along and I would take her camping to just to wind her up lol.
 
dean_ham said:
Sorry i just don't agree with you. Maybe you have plenty of money to flutter away on people. I WOULD GIVE HER some money IF SHE ACTUALLY made the effort to save. Its not as if she goes without anything through the week and on the weekend, like a couple people said she wants to live in the REAL world where you cant have everything when your not got the money. Simple. After all its my 21st and she HAS NOT SAVED ONE PENNY. I just think it goes to show how much she cares for me and deep down as long as shes "ok" don't worry about me....

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
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I wish I had plenty of money. Thing is if it were me and she said she would pay back the money, after knowing her for 3.5 yrs i would take the chance. I am assuming she would start saving some money before you go as you would have to book it first, If i were 18 to be honest I wouldn't save money for no reason (everybody is different) or for a rainy day, especially if i learnt so little. Fine it's your 21st, i'm sure she'd get you a present. She's 18, that's young, she wastes money, that's your opinion, some people have problems like that but you don't stop loving them, can the REAL world not wait until after you've been on holiday? Like you said it's not like she always is after money so it's not like she is using you, she needs to learn the value of money, fine (i agree, especially if she were older), it's not worth breaking up over though. Do you think she has learnt it now? I doubt it.

If she pays you back I honestly don't see the problem. It's a shame to ruin something for the sake of money.
 
To be honest mate, she couldn't be bothered to save any money to go on holiday so just leave her. She ain't worth it lad. You'll find that there is much better fish in the sea (ones that can be arsed to save money to go on a holiday for special occasions - eg 21sts etc)

I would be willing to put my house on the fact that you'll meet someone who does care, and can be bothered to sacrifice going out on the lash to save a bit of money for someone they care about.

Get out mate and enjoy your life - without her, believe me, i'll be the one telling you i told you so if you don't ;)
 
mark.souness said:
I wish I had plenty of money. Thing is if it were me and she said she would pay back the money, after knowing her for 3.5 yrs i would take the chance. I am assuming she would start saving some money before you go as you would have to book it first, If i were 18 to be honest I wouldn't save money for no reason (everybody is different) or for a rainy day, especially if i learnt so little. Fine it's your 21st, i'm sure she'd get you a present. She's 18, that's young, she wastes money, that's your opinion, some people have problems like that but you don't stop loving them, can the REAL world not wait until after you've been on holiday? Like you said it's not like she always is after money so it's not like she is using you, she needs to learn the value of money, fine (i agree, especially if she were older), it's not worth breaking up over though. Do you think she has learnt it now? I doubt it.

If she pays you back I honestly don't see the problem. It's a shame to ruin something for the sake of money.
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She is an apprentice haridresser ! She should already be in the real bloody world, if she was a student than fair enough she's still dodging the real world, but she ain't.

To the Op i would have done almost exactly the same as you, although when she proclaimed that i would be lending her the money, i would have just laughed and walked off. Nobody (except financial institutions) tells me what i am doing with my money, if she had asked to borrow the money then my and i expect the OP's response ould have been completely different, but she didn't ask she just expected and told him to lend her the money, that shows a complete lack of respect in my book.

My ex was on the same as the op's Gf and was paying rent on a flat with two of my mates, yet she never once told me i was to be lending her money, or asked to borrow money, and she was 17 when we got together.

A simple " i'm sorry but i haven't managed to save any money for the holiday, would it be possible for me to borrow it off you ?" would have got a much, much better response i immagine from the OP.

As far as i'm concerned the Op is completely in the right, to be honest i would have been far harsher about it, i would have just told her that the holiday was off if she was completely unwilling to show me the base level of respect I expect from any one of my friends.
 
I think the OP was absolutely right to say no. His ex was clearly trying to live beyond her means. £100pw apprentice hairdressers do not go on £700pp holidays to egypt.

If this girl has had £60 a week to play with for 6 months, even if she had put one third of that aside she'd have £420 at the expense of one night out a week. Heck, if she'd put £30 a week aside she'd have £720! If she's not willing to do that, the girl ain't going to see pharoah, simple as that!

She's clearly throwing a tantrum now its becoming clear to her that she can't have everything she wants.

Tbh, we haven't even thought about spending money, so she's asking for at least £200 extra on that, I'm sure.

I wouldn't want my girlfriend to be £700+ in debt to me for a minimum of 7 months - which seems unlikely if she's unwilling to give up going out.

Sure, a relationship is about compromise, but its not a compromise when the OP is expected to cave in and pay for her. Maybe it would be if she'd said she was sorry for not saving anything, could he lend her some money and she'll put £40 a week away, she'll have about £500-600 by the time august comes around, and the OP will lend her the rest.

No worries mate, you're better off without her
 
no you're not in the wrong. its her fault for not getting her priorities straight and she obviously got angry because she realised you wouldnt be a push over.

p.s - depends what part of dom rep you were planning to go to but i didnt like it. its a third world developing country and as soon as they see you they grab you to get money and i never felt save. loads of them had guns etc

yes it was cheap but i wouldnt go there again
 
i cant actually believe this discussion is still going on :o

Let me break it down for you deany boy, you are right and she is wrong. end of. If she doesnt want to be an adult and start saving, sher get's nothing. that's what you should do and you are right to stick by that.


end of.


Now my and my lovely GF booked a holiday last night. 1 week in Minorca leaving on the 27th of september. It'll cost about £500 or so for everything not inc. misc saving money.

£20 a week from both of us up untill we leave and anything else is gravy. 50/50 straight down the middle. That's how it should be done, indeed that how we saved the last two times we went away and you know what? it works.

be an adult and get over her. She's got a lot of growing up to do.
 
mark.souness said:
It's a shame to ruin something for the sake of money.
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Your forgetting it was her that started all the arguments when he asked when he was likely to get the money back.

So no - we're not being harsh, just reading through the thread properly.
 
For anyone interested went down her house earlier to pick up my stuff...

She had an attitude from the first second (even though i have been civil and calm about it when texting her to sort things out etc)

Kept my cool told her my side of the story again as calm as i could be. She genuinely wasnt interested what i had to say and after stressing that the only reason i wouldnt give her the money was because she hadnt made the effort to save a single penny - after all we are going away for my 21st. Didnt seem bothered what so ever and after a few mins i think she realised she was in the wrong but still put on a front that she didnt care. Like as if she couldnt appolagise...

So out came the metal fit threatning etc after i had been calm and did not raise my voice at all. Picked up my bags with her screaming at me "get out i never want to see you again, you make me sick, etc etc etc"

I will say it again... WHAT A WASTE OF 3.5 YEARS.

Cheers for the helpful and positive comments, lets hope i dont go through this again :(

CHEERS!
 
dean_ham said:
So out came the metal fit threatning etc after i had been calm and did not raise my voice at all. Picked up my bags with her screaming at me "get out i never want to see you again, you make me sick, etc etc etc"

I will say it again... WHAT A WASTE OF 3.5 YEARS.
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Dude, that's not right! You said you loved the first two years, I'm happy for you that you enjoyed them so much. :) That's not a waste.

£700 is a seriously wedge of cash, I'd never lend that much to my girlfriend, simply because although I could give her that much, that leaves me broke, and because I prefer to have all my money - I know she'd never not pay it back, but I hate asking for money back too, especially small amounts.

But yeah, it's so plainly obvious she was using you, she gets mad about not lending money? Christ, she really needs to grow up, this is a learning exercise for her, obviously her feelings can't have been that strong (no offence intended by the way) if "you make me sick", utter nonsense from that girl.

Everything you've said is spot on, and if she can't accept a cheaper holiday, then good riddance.
 
Me and my girlfriend are in a similar position but I'm the one earning less money. I earn about £400 a month part time and an studying at college while my girlfriend earns over about 1.25k a month.

We are both of a similar age to you (I'm 19, shes 18) and we have set up a joint bank account for our savings. I save £100 a week and my GF saves £250. (Been doing this for over 12 months now)

I think its down to whether you had plans for the money or not. We save so we can eventually afford to buy our own house. If you planned to go on holiday then she should have kept her 'promise' and saved the money. If there was no planning before hand, why should she save the money? Shes only young.
 
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