Am i in the wrong with the girlfirend

dean_ham said:
Yes i can see where your coming from and most prob i have learned a thing or 2 from this relationship.

But ive been with her since i was 17, i have missed out on a lot of things aswell by being with her.

But what i mean that its a waste is that i was planning on getting a house with her and doing the "live happily ever after"

I suppose thats not going to happen with this girl and it seems like a waste of time and effort at the moment....
Click to expand...

Look mate, the "I missed out on a lot of things" lark is not going to rub off on me. I would've given my right arm to have had a girlfriend at 17.

If you still want to be with her, the ball is in your court. If not, move on and stop regurgitating dribble.

If she's like this over a holiday, you would've been in trouble by the time you came to get a mortgage. Ever consider that?
 
dean_ham said:
Yes i can see where your coming from and most prob i have learned a thing or 2 from this relationship.

But ive been with her since i was 17, i have missed out on a lot of things aswell by being with her.
Click to expand...

thas your fault.

i have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, since just before i was 17 and i havnt let her stop me doing what i want, if she doesnt like it then i just get on with it and let her get over it, i sure as hell dont want to stop her from living her life and i dont intend to let her stop me living mine
 
Nix said:
Look mate, the "I missed out on a lot of things" lark is not going to rub off on me. I would've given my right arm to have had a girlfriend at 17.

If you still want to be with her, the ball is in your court. If not, move on and stop regurgitating dribble.

If she's like this over a holiday, you would've been in trouble by the time you came to get a mortgage. Ever consider that?
Click to expand...

I have considered that, thats why we have finnished.

And i do think its a waste of time because i could have spent the last 3 years with a girl who is on the same wavelength and aims in life, rather than her....
 
dean_ham said:
I have considered that, thats why we have finnished.

And i do think its a waste of time because i could have spent the last 3 years with a girl who is on the same wavelength and aims in life, rather than her....
Click to expand...

But you wasn't with someone else, you were with her. No matter what you say to defend that point, I know it's going to be rubbish. The reason being is that there has to be some reason you were together for so long. If she meant nothing to you, then why are you so angry? Surely if she was a waste of space you'd be ecstatic that you've managed to move on?
 
Just imagine how they relationship would work out when you lend her a few hundred and she has no plans of giving it back.

You have every right not to lend her the money seeing as she hasn't saved a thing. I've been on less money than her and still saved for things. And she sounds like an immature person that just doesn't want to save and choose the easy option at the expense of you.

You're in the right.
 
Id never ask my boyfriend for that sort of money especially as i know i would never be able to afford to pay it back (and i earn more than £100 a week) , and if she goes out every night of the weekend then i can pretty much guarentee she wouldnt be able to either.

I think that you could probably sort this out, talk to each other properly and say to her that you dont mind lending her a little money (£100 max id say) but anything else she has to find herself, and say to her that maybe her choice of holiday destination is a bit too exotic, just go away to spain or greece for a week, just as nice but not as hard on the pocket lol

As for her mum then.....well who cares its not her problem and its not for her to stick her nose in...if shes so upset that her daughter cant go on holiday then why doesnt she pay for it or lend it to her!! at least if she lent it to her she wouldnt be so pushed to pay it back!

anyway thats what i think...hope you get your holiday though, i know i need one!!!!
 
me227 said:
Just imagine how they relationship would work out when you lend her a few hundred and she has no plans of giving it back.

You have every right not to lend her the money seeing as she hasn't saved a thing. I've been on less money than her and still saved for things. And she sounds like an immature person that just doesn't want to save and choose the easy option at the expense of you.

You're in the right.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot.

What makes me mad is that im telling her "i aint gonna lend you the money because you cant afford it. You are living beyond your means etc etc "

I told her i dont want you to start getting into debt. What happens when you owe me £700 for the holiday and you need to some more money for something. Your debt will get higher and higher,

Basically this finnished her off she went ballistic..
 
I think that's acceptable, also if it's for your birthday predominantly, then really you shouldn't be paying for her at all. Maybe she should have saved for you.

Just go on your own and hook up with some hot foreign girl? :cool:
 
I can see where you're coming from and agree that you shouldn't be lending money to a girl who hasn't bothered to save anything up, choosing to rely on you for cash. However, I feel that splitting up over this is a little OTT. Sure, argue and fall out, but a 2 year relationship shouldn't finish because of this. Go and have a talk with her, explain the situation without getting angry, and perhaps talk about going on holiday later in the year. Holidays will get cheaper out of season, and it will give her some time to make an effort and save up some cash.

Alternatively, I was talking to Leon the other day. They have all inclusive for 1 week in the Dominican for a touch under £300 per person at the moment. That's ALL you'd need to spend because it includes everything.
 
dean_ham said:
Thanks a lot.

What makes me mad is that im telling her "i aint gonna lend you the money because you cant afford it. You are living beyond your means etc etc "

I told her i dont want you to start getting into debt. What happens when you owe me £700 for the holiday and you need to some more money for something. Your debt will get higher and higher,

Basically this finnished her off she went ballistic..
Click to expand...

It's basically your own choice now if you want to try and get the relationship to work or if you's want to leave it at that. I could understand it no matter what decision you took, and as you know how you feel about her only you can decide if it's worth it or not.

It does sound like she is living beyond her means and she's refusing to accept this probably because she is so young still. But money problems especially serious ones like these can affect the future of a relationship and possibly marriage and you'll have to take this into account. Maybe try and talk it over with her first of all so if you do end the relationship at least you can end it on a nicer note.
 
did you suggest a cheaper more affordable holiday?

to be honest i think you did the right thing. you dont want to end up paying her way for everything and she should not have chosen something more realistic.

as for her mother - unless youve forgotten to tell us something you'd expect her to side with her daughter BUT to have said her daughter was right is only teaching her to live outside her means... this is a bad example as she should be telling her about the real world, to be independant and not live the rest of her life paying off debts or owing people.
 
Nix said:
Which only says to me that she had no intention of paying you back. She's angry you saw through her.
Click to expand...

Maybe... i will never know. But she has never borrowed money off me before or expected me to pay for things etc.

To be honest our relationship has been a little rocky in recent months silly arguments. I think one thing, she thinks another etc. Both of us think we are right etc...

Maybe you are right...

What makes me sad is that the first 2 or so years was amazing, we got on like a house on fire. The last 6 months has gone down hill. Mainly with her no sence of compremise (and her mother inturupting in our relationship) and with me she says i over react....

I suppose its the best to call it a day, but its sad that the first 2 and a bit years was soooo good and i couldnt have wished for a better girlfriend and wanted to be with her forever...
 
Lostkat said:
I can see where you're coming from and agree that you shouldn't be lending money to a girl who hasn't bothered to save anything up, choosing to rely on you for cash. However, I feel that splitting up over this is a little OTT. Sure, argue and fall out, but a 2 year relationship shouldn't finish because of this. Go and have a talk with her, explain the situation without getting angry, and perhaps talk about going on holiday later in the year. Holidays will get cheaper out of season, and it will give her some time to make an effort and save up some cash.

Alternatively, I was talking to Leon the other day. They have all inclusive for 1 week in the Dominican for a touch under £300 per person at the moment. That's ALL you'd need to spend because it includes everything.
Click to expand...

Thats the thing tho, there is no compramise with the girl. Its all or nothing. I havent seen her since tuesday. And have been trying to sort it out over the phone, as soon as i say my side of the story she goes mental and slams the phone down.

I told her yesterday if you wanna sort it out we will have to see eachother face to face and talk about it properly.

She didnt text back....

I phone her up this morning and say whats happening why didnt you text me back. She says she is sooooooooo angry that i wont lend her the money and that i dont trust her etc.
 
dean_ham said:
Snip
Click to expand...

You can't base relationships on the 'spark' forever mate. The relationships that last the longest are the ones where the people know how to get along to the point they're dependant on eachother long after that spark has gone. I think you've just learned one of life's little lessons.

If you're sure you want to move on, i'm not going to hold you back, but, I will advise you to at least wait until you're calm before making such a decision.

dean_ham said:
I phone her up this morning and say whats happening why didnt you text me back. She says she is sooooooooo angry that i wont lend her the money and that i dont trust her etc.
Click to expand...

So is she angry over the fact that you wont lend her money or the fact you don't trust her?

If it's the first that just makes her a spoilled little child who needs a kick up the bum. If it's the latter, than I can totally understand why she's annoyed.

Maybe you should explain to her why you won't lend her money - you're upset about the fact she hasn't saved and she's trying to take you for a ride. But, also make it very clear that you do trust her.
 
Last edited:
Phantom said:
as for her mother - unless youve forgotten to tell us something you'd expect her to side with her daughter BUT to have said her daughter was right is only teaching her to live outside her means... this is a bad example as she should be telling her about the real world, to be independant and not live the rest of her life paying off debts or owing people.
Click to expand...

Thats the thing, her mother is a single mother. Enjoying life going out 2-3 times a week living on her last penny. Not a penny to her name.

Thats where half the problem is....And her mother is sideing with her saying how much of a bad boyfriend i am by not lending her money.
 
dean_ham said:
Thats the thing, her mother is a single mother. Enjoying life going out 2-3 times a week living on her last penny. Not a penny to her name.

Thats where half the problem is....And her mother is sideing with her saying how much of a bad boyfriend i am by not borrowing her money.
Click to expand...

lol, now we know where she gets it from ;)
 
dean_ham said:
She says she is sooooooooo angry that i wont lend her the money and that i dont trust her etc.
Click to expand...

But it's not really a matter of trust, it's fact* that she hasn't saved a thing. It's also fact* that she goes out and she must spend a lot of money going out 3 times a week.

She expected you to give her a full amount of money after her saving no money and by the sounds of it not even trying. FACT!*


*Assuming you've told us the truth. :p
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom