Am i in the wrong with the girlfirend
- Thread starter dean_ham
- Start date
nicely spotted.Lostkat said:
Ohhhh tell me more
In reply to the OP, your totally right in not lending her the money, ignore her mother. Until she shows she can live within her means dont even think about lending her any. if she cant take it tell ehr to grow up.
VeNT said:
Dont really understand that comment. And why have you added will I win in the quote?
Its nothing about winning.
The only reason i posted here is because i wanted other peoples opinions. Because shes made me feel like rubbish, but on the other hand people close to me say that im in the right....
Immulsifier said:
Because compromise is part of making a relationship work.
There's a common misconception that "compromise" means "giving in" or "being a wet blanket". It's actually a way of maintaining the peace while also helping to swing people round to your way of thinking.
If his gf is willing to save £150, I don't see what's wrong with offering to lend her another £100 to have a nice holiday together. That's teaching her to save and to be honest after 3.5 years I wouldn't have thought £100 is too excessive an amount to lend a partner. Plus if she gets in the habit of saving, paying back the money owed over a period of time shouldn't be a problem.
Soldato
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she's not though, so that's moot really.
dean_ham said:
it is about winning tbh
she wants you to give her the money,
you think she should have saved for it. (rightly so too.)
its about who is willing to give in first, if you are willing to drop the argument in favor of an easy life.
Well it depends...
if she's frittered away her cash on useless stuff and getting wasted then yeah id maybe be angry, but then maybe she spent it on clothes and makeup to make herself look good for your benefit
you have to decide based on what you know if she's trying to take you for a ride or not really, but dont be too quick to assume the worst and your relationship means anything to you then dont be too quick to start arguments about money, its probably not been easy for either of you and she'll feel guilty about it now
if you do lend her the cash be careful how you handle her paying you back, if you let it go she might feel a bit useless but she could end up feeling pressured if you need the cash too and you certainly wouldnt want her to feel like your relationship has turned into a payment plan, not an easy one!
if she's frittered away her cash on useless stuff and getting wasted then yeah id maybe be angry, but then maybe she spent it on clothes and makeup to make herself look good for your benefit
you have to decide based on what you know if she's trying to take you for a ride or not really, but dont be too quick to assume the worst and your relationship means anything to you then dont be too quick to start arguments about money, its probably not been easy for either of you and she'll feel guilty about it now
if you do lend her the cash be careful how you handle her paying you back, if you let it go she might feel a bit useless but she could end up feeling pressured if you need the cash too and you certainly wouldnt want her to feel like your relationship has turned into a payment plan, not an easy one!
Soldato
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OK time for a reply to ACTUALLY HELP YOU !
This may sound harsh and abit insulting but telling it like it is, honest as it comes
Ok simple as really, shes 18 (thats 18 !!) still very young, and was still a child less than a year ago.
Her mother who you say is also skint agress with her, BECAUSE she is skint 2, is her mother married?
It sounds a lot like my mate and his ex, she was an 18year (worked in a hairdressers actually!) old chavvet/*****/townie chick, with a skint mother who had her when she was 18, and they use there 'femenine' ways i.e. moan, shout at you/put you down when they carnt get what they want, they think that going out with u and sleeping with u is the be all end all, so you should do anything.
GOOD FOR YOU ! your telling her the truth, and the truth hurts, being 18 with a mother like that she will not have an idea of what the value of money is, and expects everything to be givin to her, i reckon her mother gets handouts from the gov.
Move on, and upwards my friend, a true and honest person would agree and say yes your right, its my own fault for not saving.
Your only young yourself, but keep that wise head on your shoulders and stand by your morals.
Its all a psycological, wealth, upbringing and background issues, in a certain influence of each it tends to produce money grabbing dishonest people, who will say/do anything to get what they want
This may sound harsh and abit insulting but telling it like it is, honest as it comes
Ok simple as really, shes 18 (thats 18 !!) still very young, and was still a child less than a year ago.
Her mother who you say is also skint agress with her, BECAUSE she is skint 2, is her mother married?
It sounds a lot like my mate and his ex, she was an 18year (worked in a hairdressers actually!) old chavvet/*****/townie chick, with a skint mother who had her when she was 18, and they use there 'femenine' ways i.e. moan, shout at you/put you down when they carnt get what they want, they think that going out with u and sleeping with u is the be all end all, so you should do anything.
GOOD FOR YOU ! your telling her the truth, and the truth hurts, being 18 with a mother like that she will not have an idea of what the value of money is, and expects everything to be givin to her, i reckon her mother gets handouts from the gov.
Move on, and upwards my friend, a true and honest person would agree and say yes your right, its my own fault for not saving.
Your only young yourself, but keep that wise head on your shoulders and stand by your morals.
Its all a psycological, wealth, upbringing and background issues, in a certain influence of each it tends to produce money grabbing dishonest people, who will say/do anything to get what they want
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paul@ said:
Why should men be expected to pay all the bills and other expenses?? I've always paid my way and so do all of my group of friends. I'd never expect my OH to pay my half of the bills as well as his.
Teenage relationships very rarely last as far as getting married and growing old together. Part of the reason is that you change so much during your late teen years, and someone you get on very well with at 16 may not be someone you even want in your life at 20.
£100 per week, when living with your parents, is a lot of money for an 18 year old. It's a lot more than I (or any of my friends) made at that age, and in fact more than a lot of students I know now. Considering she has had so long to save, then she would barely have missed the £10 per week or whatever she should have put aside.
She needs to learn that money isn't free, and as you say, if she hasn't saved for herself, you have no way of knowing if she will ever save it for you. She still has enough time to afford a holiday in the summer if she saves all spare money from now, so maybe you should explain that to her and try to reach a compromise - eg you pay £100 so she can put £40 per week away instead of every penny, and then get the last £100 after you get back.
£100 per week, when living with your parents, is a lot of money for an 18 year old. It's a lot more than I (or any of my friends) made at that age, and in fact more than a lot of students I know now. Considering she has had so long to save, then she would barely have missed the £10 per week or whatever she should have put aside.
She needs to learn that money isn't free, and as you say, if she hasn't saved for herself, you have no way of knowing if she will ever save it for you. She still has enough time to afford a holiday in the summer if she saves all spare money from now, so maybe you should explain that to her and try to reach a compromise - eg you pay £100 so she can put £40 per week away instead of every penny, and then get the last £100 after you get back.
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tight arse