An old friend asking to borrow money

Craterloads

Craterloads

Craterloads

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So I got a message from someone I was friends with years ago. In my teens to early 20s but I’ve only probably seen them once in the last 8 years or so and again haven’t talked for the same period. Old friend not a current one.

Anyhow got a message out of the blue saying he needs to borrow some money for bills etc had a minor operation so can’t work for a while.

I’ve kind of ignored the message so far but kinda feeling guilty. Problem is don’t really see this person anymore, if I bumped into him would say hello and all that. And I kinda get the feeling I won’t get the money back, I don’t think he’s ever worked.

It’s not a lot of money, I’m not loaded but could spare it without much issue if not repaid, but I don’t like it.

Tell me I’m right GD so can go to bed without feeling bad. I know times are tough these days so feeling a bit guilty.
 
Craterloads said:
So I got a message from someone I was friends with years ago. In my teens to early 20s but I’ve only probably seen them once in the last 8 years or so and again haven’t talked for the same period. Old friend not a current one.

Anyhow got a message out of the blue saying he needs to borrow some money for bills etc had a minor operation so can’t work for a while.

I’ve kind of ignored the message so far but kinda feeling guilty. Problem is don’t really see this person anymore, if I bumped into him would say hello and all that. And I kinda get the feeling I won’t get the money back, I don’t think he’s ever worked.

It’s not a lot of money, I’m not loaded but could spare it without much issue if not repaid, but I don’t like it.

Tell me I’m right GD so can go to bed without feeling bad. I know times are tough these days so feeling a bit guilty.
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Can you talk to him on the phone?
 
Craterloads said:
So I got a message from someone I was friends with years ago. In my teens to early 20s but I’ve only probably seen them once in the last 8 years or so and again haven’t talked for the same period. Old friend not a current one.

Anyhow got a message out of the blue saying he needs to borrow some money for bills etc had a minor operation so can’t work for a while.

I’ve kind of ignored the message so far but kinda feeling guilty. Problem is don’t really see this person anymore, if I bumped into him would say hello and all that. And I kinda get the feeling I won’t get the money back, I don’t think he’s ever worked.

It’s not a lot of money, I’m not loaded but could spare it without much issue if not repaid, but I don’t like it.

Tell me I’m right GD so can go to bed without feeling bad. I know times are tough these days so feeling a bit guilty.
Click to expand...
Just say no. If he does need it, he'll make more of an effort.

This happened to me about a few years ago. Not a friend, someone I knew from high school, and he was the bully / jock type. I'm glad I didn't give him anything (he was claiming his son needed an expensive operation).

I found out later that he's been scamming people from our class, people we knew, and has been quite successful. He even turned to meeting them in person, asking to borrow their mobile phones to make a call, and disappearing. I also found out later that he was very much a drug addict, and the cherry on top was that his GF of 3 years was a 15 year girl. Yep. A complete scum from high school all the way to adulthood.

Let's hope your old friend isn't as bad as this one. But if they need it, it's only fair that they make it legitimate and make the effort to do so considering the amount of scams out there.
 
brendy said:
Even if genuine, it seems, could they have exhausted all familiar routes to borrowing because they haven't paid back which would also then throw you into anger at lending with no return?
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It is genuine, not a scam message.

That does seem likely. I can’t be easy asking others for money so probably desperate is why I’m feeling bad.
 
Craterloads said:
So I got a message from someone I was friends with years ago. In my teens to early 20s but I’ve only probably seen them once in the last 8 years or so and again haven’t talked for the same period. Old friend not a current one.

Anyhow got a message out of the blue saying he needs to borrow some money for bills etc had a minor operation so can’t work for a while.

I’ve kind of ignored the message so far but kinda feeling guilty. Problem is don’t really see this person anymore, if I bumped into him would say hello and all that. And I kinda get the feeling I won’t get the money back, I don’t think he’s ever worked.

It’s not a lot of money, I’m not loaded but could spare it without much issue if not repaid, but I don’t like it.

Tell me I’m right GD so can go to bed without feeling bad. I know times are tough these days so feeling a bit guilty.
Click to expand...
I got three very close friends from my younger years that i also haven't seen for years.
But i would still lend them money if it was really needed and hope they would do the same for me.

It really is up to you as we don't know these friends of yours
 
Despite what I said above, I have to add an aside. Many years ago, I found myself suddenly out of work, it was totally unexpected and put me in a very awkward situation. I made a post on Facebook to say what had happened, I posted my bank details and asked for help. A couple of people messaged me directly to ask if it was a genuine request and a handful of friends sent me some money which got me out of that situation. It took a while but as far as I remember, I paid them all back (if you're reading this and I didn't pay you back, you know how to contact me).

So this can, and does happen. It's not always someone trying to make a fast buck out of their friends generosity.
 
I had this a few weeks ago.

Received a friend request on Facebook from someone I used to spend most weekends with but he just disappeared randomly one day and left our friend group for a good 6 years.

I accepted the request and he messaged me asking how I’ve been and if he can lend money, told him to **** off and blocked him.
 
I had a mate I hadn't spoken to for 3 or 4 years message me out of the blue asking if I could lend him some money via PayPal.

This was the sort of thing I'd expect from this guy so not that strange, but what really got me was, he was asking for 25p. As in pence.

Wut? Should have told him to go look down the sofa or under his car seat but just ignored the muppet
 
I live by a very simple rule when it comes to money - do not lend to friends, they're the most likely to not pay you back and that's from personal experience. Hell I'd be very unlikely to lend money to relatives outside of direct next of kin.

Honestly, you haven't seen this guy in years so the idea of lending him money shouldn't have even entered your head
 
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