*** Anonymous Confessions Thread v6 ***

I think he meant that he got intimate. This involves copious amounts of kissing, which subsequently meant he caught a cold "from" her. In other words, he smashed the pasty and a few days later he developed the man flu, and blamed her.

Get it? :p
 
The fruit ninja is brilliant.

For some reason I picture him putting on a mask and cape when he throws fruit, and if he doesn't he definitely should. He needs his own comic book to be honest.:p
 
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That relates to threads it's used in! Should be bannable.
 
Thread struggling to match its predecessors apart from fruit ninja. :(

Send in more funny/terrible stuff you heathens!
 
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About 25 years ago I used to smoke hash (cannabis resin) and often carried a little blim with me while out and about. Anyway, this one day I was at a gig in Reading and things were getting a bit out of hand, people were fighting and some people trying to steal the optics from behind the bar so the police were called and everyone had to exit the building. As we all left I realised there was a chance of getting a stop and seach by the police so I put the hash in my mouth, about a henry in weight so it was sizable.
Suddenly a police van pulled along side us and I started chomping on the lump of resin and swallowing it - thank god I did it because sure enough I got searched..... as the copper went through my pockets and questioned me I had this thought that he could smell the resin on my breath but that thought didn't get chance to take hold of my utterly stoned brain, because, as I was talking a small piece of resin shot out of my mouth and stuck straight onto the coppers cheek...... I know he felt it but he didn't react to it and it just stuck there on his cheek... he just carried on questioning me and I was consumed half in terror of getting locked up and half wanting to **** myself laughing at the madness of the situation, my stoned brain just kept zoning in on the little chunk stuck there.... eventually we all got on our way so all ended well in the end.
 
Skidder said:
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That relates to threads it's used in! Should be bannable.
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Blimey! Fair enough, but I'm not a frequent browser here so like I said :)
 
[FnG]magnolia;30053691 said:
I recently got married and whilst I'm happy with my wife, there is this one ex I can't get out of my head. We've dated some five years ago and the reason we broke up is she had to move away for a job. Things turned a bit sour between us after we split up to the point where we've not spoken for years. The only reason the relationship ended was distance. If she hadn't moved, she'd most likely be my wife. I catch myself thinking about her more and more. She's gorgeous, sexy, beautiful...hottest woman I've ever been with. My brain keeps playing tricks on me where it replays certain episodes we've had (if you catch my drift) and my heart accelerates like crazy. I can't tell anyone as my wife and I have mutual friends and I don't want to upset her. Is this fairly normal? Does everyone have that one that got away? I obviously don't want to hurt my wife but these thoughts occur more and more frequently. The ex still lives abroad and as i said, we're not on speaking terms, but if she lived nearby, I don't think I could guarantee for anything. Would love to do things to that hot little body again :/
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I chose to give up the beautiful body in favour of a beautiful person - I had to make the decision 8 years ago to either go for the fantastic legs and arse, well everthing really, but, she had no personality, shallow I suppose.
OR
fantastic arse, beautiful mind, a kind and patient personality. It was worth it - 8 years on and it's all good - and she still has a fit arse!!!!

Always go for the beautiful mind!
 
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