*** Anonymous Confessions Thread v6 ***
- Thread starter [FnG]magnolia
- Start date
![[TFU] Thegoon84](/styles/overclockers/avatars/6.png){kind=avatar}
Soldato
[FnG]magnolia;30053684 said:
Good thing here, nobody got hurt.... Everybody's got secrets I suppose!
What a contrast from the above to the below!
[FnG]magnolia;30053691 said:
Come on man, sort it out. I feel for your wife! I'm sure there's someone we all "think" would have given us a better marriage/life..... Stop kidding yourself it could/could've worked and get on with your life.
When I think back, there are loads of really great memories I'd love to re-live. But its in the past and I can never return without destroying what I currently have!
Concentrate on ya wife bro.... Forget the "nice piece of ass".
Deleted member 651465
D
Deleted member 651465
Agreed. Be the bigger man and learn to say no.
The grass isn't always greener, so if you are having these feelings then you need to talk to your partner.
The grass isn't always greener, so if you are having these feelings then you need to talk to your partner.
Soldato
Any more of these Mag?
Associate
[FnG]magnolia;30053692 said:
I don't know why, but I proper LOL'd when i read this.
Fanta lol
Are they all Mag?
Soldato
sig worthy if ever there was a sig worthy sig lol
Soldato
did not happen to me, but happened to a close friend in a game I play. This was sent out to the alliance and I think it melted my funny fuse for being so good.
So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It's taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough - something that's probably happened to most of you.
Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she's done this, so it's probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective's mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?
Why, friends, that's because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.
If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I'm about to tell you.
Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding - like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.
Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you'll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you'll walk into the living room. And you'll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you'll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything's okay. Like it's proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.
And then the horror. Oh the horror.
So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don't bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what's coming. It's inevitable, and it's coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you're not one of those people - you can't go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.
So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn't just on your hands - it's smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that "whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss" noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet. More on that later.
Oh, and you're not just using profanity - you're inventing new types of profanity. You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison.
Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug - the rug that started it all - the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.
Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.
And then, because it's 6am, you go to bed. Let's finish this tomorrow, right?
The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.
But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn $400 Roomba without spending $400 again - including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries - you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it's for life, and it's for any reason.
So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.
And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub - by no fault of their own, of course.
So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you're buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember - don't let your Roomba run over dog poop.
So, last week, something pretty tragic happened in our household. It's taken me until now to wrap my head around it and find the words to describe the horror. It started off simple enough - something that's probably happened to most of you.
Sometime between midnight and 1:30am, our puppy Evie pooped on our rug in the living room. This is the only time she's done this, so it's probably just because we forgot to let her out before we went to bed that night. Now, if you have a detective's mind, you may be wondering how we know the poop occurred between midnight and 1:30am. We were asleep, so how do I know that time frame?
Why, friends, that's because our Roomba runs at 1:30am every night, while we sleep. And it found the poop. And so begins the Pooptastrophe. The poohpocalypse. The pooppening.
If you have a Roomba, please rid yourself of all distractions and absorb everything I'm about to tell you.
Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. If the unthinkable does happen, and your Roomba runs over dog poop, stop it immediately and do not let it continue the cleaning cycle. Because if that happens, it will spread the dog poop over every conceivable surface within its reach, resulting in a home that closely resembles a Jackson Pollock poop painting.
It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house. Our lovable Roomba, who gets a careful cleaning every night, looked like it had been mudding. Yes, mudding - like what you do with a Jeep on a pipeline road. But in poop.
Then, when your four-year-old gets up at 3am to crawl into your bed, you'll wonder why he smells like dog poop. And you'll walk into the living room. And you'll wonder why the floor feels slightly gritty. And you'll see a brown-encrusted, vaguely Roomba-shaped thing sitting in the middle of the floor with a glowing green light, like everything's okay. Like it's proud of itself. You were still half-asleep until this point, but now you wake up pretty damn quickly.
And then the horror. Oh the horror.
So, first you clean the child. You scrub the poop off his feet and put him back in bed. But you don't bother cleaning your own feet, because you know what's coming. It's inevitable, and it's coming at you like a freight train. Some folks would shrug their shoulders and get back in bed to deal with it in the morning. But you're not one of those people - you can't go to sleep with that war zone of poop in the living room.
So you clean the Roomba. You toss it in the bathtub to let it soak. You pull it apart, piece-by-piece, wondering at what point you became an adult and assumed responsibility for 3:30am-Roomba-disassembly-poop-cleanups. By this point, the poop isn't just on your hands - it's smeared up to your elbows. You already heard the Roomba make that "whirlllllllllllllllll-boop-hisssssssss" noise that sounds like electronics dying, and you realize you forgot to pull the battery before getting it wet. More on that later.
Oh, and you're not just using profanity - you're inventing new types of profanity. You're saying things that would make Satan shudder in revulsion. You hope your kid stayed in bed, because if he hears you talking like this, there's no way he's not ending up in prison.
Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug - the rug that started it all - the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.
Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails.
And then, because it's 6am, you go to bed. Let's finish this tomorrow, right?
The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.
But there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After spending a week researching how to fix this damn $400 Roomba without spending $400 again - including refurb units, new motherboards, and new batteries - you finally decide to call the place where you bought it. That place called Hammacher Schlemmer. They have a funny name, but they have an awesome warranty. They claim it's for life, and it's for any reason.
So I called them and told the truth. My Roomba found dog poop and almost precipitated World War III.
And you know what they did? They offered to replace it. Yes, folks. They are replacing the Roomba that ran over dog poop and then died a poopy, watery death in the bathtub - by no fault of their own, of course.
So, mad props to Hammacher Schlemmer. If you're buying anything expensive, and they sell it, I recommend buying it from them. And remember - don't let your Roomba run over dog poop.
Soldato
That happened to one of your close friends? I saw that doing the rounds on Facebook a few weeks ago. A friend of mine in the US shared it...
Soldato
- Joined
- 31 May 2009
- Posts
- 21,456
If you have a Roomba you just a lazy sod so take it on the chin.
Well if you lay on the floor or a foo ton, then you certainly would be taking it all over your chin from the Roomba!
Painted brown beard!
Quite clearly. Still good for a chuckle, but it might as well have a url and discount code for roomba at the end.
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Fruit ninja here,
Thank you all for the feedback.
Some background: Simon and I work in the same office. We're not pals or anything. We make small talk when we bump into each other in the kitchen. In fact, he has vented to me on occasion that "someone is winding him up" by throwing fruit and vegetables in his toilet cubicle.
He suspects his neighbor who occupies the desk next to him.
Obviously things are quite hot - lots of people are on the lookout for people who take items with them into the toilets. Lots of people are being accused. Mass hysteria is an issue. It's a hot topic in the office right now.
The last time I did anything was 2 weeks ago when I rolled an orange under his toilet door. He swore so much - I don't stick around too long to listen to the abuse. And I don't do it every time Simon goes to the toilet.
To alleviate concerns that this is made up, I'm going to try and film it. Obviously I will obfuscate information such as the company, the person, and meta data embedded in the video. I'm going to think hard about this as obviously I want some fun (it's hilarious I can assure you) but I don't want to lose my job.
I'm thinking - THINKING of telling my desk neighbor I am the fruit ninja and asking for his help to film me the next time I do it. He's 19, young, and always showing me prankster videos on his phone so it might go down well with him.
I need to first determine if I can trust him.
Advice on how to proceed? Stop while I'm ahead?
Thank you all for the feedback.
Some background: Simon and I work in the same office. We're not pals or anything. We make small talk when we bump into each other in the kitchen. In fact, he has vented to me on occasion that "someone is winding him up" by throwing fruit and vegetables in his toilet cubicle.
He suspects his neighbor who occupies the desk next to him.
Obviously things are quite hot - lots of people are on the lookout for people who take items with them into the toilets. Lots of people are being accused. Mass hysteria is an issue. It's a hot topic in the office right now.
The last time I did anything was 2 weeks ago when I rolled an orange under his toilet door. He swore so much - I don't stick around too long to listen to the abuse. And I don't do it every time Simon goes to the toilet.
To alleviate concerns that this is made up, I'm going to try and film it. Obviously I will obfuscate information such as the company, the person, and meta data embedded in the video. I'm going to think hard about this as obviously I want some fun (it's hilarious I can assure you) but I don't want to lose my job.
I'm thinking - THINKING of telling my desk neighbor I am the fruit ninja and asking for his help to film me the next time I do it. He's 19, young, and always showing me prankster videos on his phone so it might go down well with him.
I need to first determine if I can trust him.
Advice on how to proceed? Stop while I'm ahead?
When i was 15 i had a pet rat, used to take it to shops and back in my coat pocket , one day it started having fits so i thought it would be best to kill it by hitting it over the head with a screwdriver, must over taken me around 5 minutes of doing it as did not want to hit it to hard, once i see it not moving anymore i gave it to the cat next door.
Years ago I drove to Southampton to meet a girl online and she paid for my petrol. Not only did she pay for my petrol but she bought loads of snacks for us to eat and drink.
I did not consume any of these snacks and wasn't even really sure why I was there, later that evening I smashed her pasty and then caught a cold and left. As I was leaving she offered me all the snacks to take back home. I took the snacks.
Driving back, late at night I was questioning myself WTF did I just do and looked at my passenger seat full of goodies and it reminded me of her, so I threw them all out the passenger side window whilst driving down the motorway.
Turns out I made the girl pregnant and she lied about it at the time so I blocked her.
Oh and a few weeks later I found half a pack of chewing gum in my pocket that she also gave me, that got tossed out the car window down the motorway too.
I should drive back to there and throw fruit through her bedroom window.
I did not consume any of these snacks and wasn't even really sure why I was there, later that evening I smashed her pasty and then caught a cold and left. As I was leaving she offered me all the snacks to take back home. I took the snacks.
Driving back, late at night I was questioning myself WTF did I just do and looked at my passenger seat full of goodies and it reminded me of her, so I threw them all out the passenger side window whilst driving down the motorway.
Turns out I made the girl pregnant and she lied about it at the time so I blocked her.
Oh and a few weeks later I found half a pack of chewing gum in my pocket that she also gave me, that got tossed out the car window down the motorway too.
I should drive back to there and throw fruit through her bedroom window.