Bad timing...

My room is opposite the bathroom and I have had the pleasure of being woken up at ungodly hours by my stoner flatmates' bowl destroying sonic booms. It’s not fun I tell you, especially with guests over!

I've once woken up thinking there was an earthquake, but it was all quite when I got up, then I heard the toilet flush...
 
PianoBasher said:
It always amuses me when girls insist that they never fart. :D
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Yes, I used to find this funny as well. My good lady (wench) did a good job of hiding the fact she 'didn't' fart. Until one day we was arguing about something, turned into a good physical play fight. As we all know this sometimes lead onto something more (I was hopeful) instead as we were fighting she wraps her legs around my head, I go to stand up, then while she was belly laughing she a god worthy one go, a decent sticky sounding one.
She was horrified! I was was horrified, 2 inch's from my face...

...I have never been more owned.
 
iv-tecman said:
Nah… I was sat in an office toilet cubicle only the other day and someone walked in, closed a cubicle door and not only did they not flush the toilet before or after, and not only did they let off an ear splitting nostril burning fart, but then proceeded to open a bag of crisps and sit in the trap eating them..

Now, that is just pure filth, and I was actually not only amused by such disgusting antics but had to wonder – why an earth would you feel the need to eat a bag of crisps in the making of your own stench in a communal office toilet?
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I was once stood washing my hands when a lad at work walked out of the toilet eating a sausage roll.

Lols indeed.
 
iv-tecman said:
Nah… I was sat in an office toilet cubicle only the other day and someone walked in, closed a cubicle door and not only did they not flush the toilet before or after, and not only did they let off an ear splitting nostril burning fart, but then proceeded to open a bag of crisps and sit in the trap eating them..

Now, that is just pure filth, and I was actually not only amused by such disgusting antics but had to wonder – why an earth would you feel the need to eat a bag of crisps in the making of your own stench in a communal office toilet?
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WTF he didn't even offer you some crisps! what a dick..
 
log1K said:
Yes, I used to find this funny as well. My good lady (wench) did a good job of hiding the fact she 'didn't' fart. Until one day we was arguing about something, turned into a good physical play fight. As we all know this sometimes lead onto something more (I was hopeful) instead as we were fighting she wraps her legs around my head, I go to stand up, then while she was belly laughing she a god worthy one go, a decent sticky sounding one.
She was horrified! I was was horrified, 2 inch's from my face...

...I have never been more owned.
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It does assume me when females say they never fart. An ex of mine a few yrs ago insisted she never did it.

One night in bed with her, I was all cosied up. Sound asleep having happy dreams. Getting an awesome nights sleep. I love my sleep, I was a happy man.

Then I get woken by what can only be described as...... Well I cant describe it, The repulsive stench really was that bad, like nothing I've ever experienced, I still haven't come across a smell anywhere near as bad.

I choked, I gagged, I chocked some more. Gagged again. Struggled to breathe. The unbelievable stench lingered for what seemed like hours. When I could finally breathe again I looked over and my missus to see her laughing so hard she has tears running down her face.

Yes, that's right. My missus had woken up in the middle of the night. Let one rip that was so bad it woke me up. (I can sleep through anything, well almost)
And there she is laughing her *** off at me.

I had just found that comfy spot and was drifting back off to sleep. Then the ***** did it again. Same stench. I couldn't believe it.

I slept on the couch that night.
 
twist3d0n3 said:
they can smell the farts through the internets!
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Perhaps to some of the ladies, these epic trouser coughs and posterior vibrations sound like some sweet, irresistible mating call? :confused:

I didn't think it was the case seeing as I once woke up an ex by carefully squatting in position and farting on her face once. She almost bit my nuts off for it... Bit dangerous in hindsight. Actually, that sort of drunken behaviour might explain the "ex" part.
 
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What annoys me in bogs is when you're there happily urinating away. Then you get some plonker in the cubicle next to you having a crap. And they can't even seem to do it in silence, there's always a fart sound or the sound of them heavily breathing and going all like "Silence.....AHH...Silence..AHHH..OHHHH".

I want to urinate in silence please.
 
Vita said:
What annoys me in bogs is when you're there happily urinating away. Then you get some plonker in the cubicle next to you having a crap. And they can't even seem to do it in silence, there's always a fart sound or the sound of them heavily breathing and going all like "Silence.....AHH...Silence..AHHH..OHHHH".

I want to urinate in silence please.
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lolwut?

This thread has had me literally laughing out loud. There's something eternally amusing about bodily functions, especially farts. It's like splashing through puddles, and driving through puddles. It's just something you never grow out of. :p
 
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