Badly explain what you do for a living.

[Raikiri]

e: This is a good thread idea! We should also guess who does what because #17 has piqued my interest.

Therapist?

Priest?

Dominatrix?

 

[Mr Badger]

I watch people do the bare minimum for 12 hours, then hold a team's meeting and tell all the higher ups we didn't hit production.

This one is truly inspiring.

 

[dl8860]

I make sure really big things don't fall off boats, onto boats or into water.

 

[Tefal]

I watch people do the bare minimum for 12 hours, then hold a team's meeting and tell all the higher ups we didn't hit production.

Are you my boss?



I vaguely try to look busy while doing the bare minimum.

Our workplace made the foolish mistake of setting every single task a fixed time


Used to give a bonus for producing over 100% of your hours in a shift.

This got banned by our regulator.


We now have fixed time jobs with no incentive to do anything more than get the minimum then stop.


It's not uncommon for People to be at 100% about half way through a shift and instead sit there doing whatever.

I rebuilt my throttle bodies

 

[Pawnless Endgame]

I use Internet Explorer - BURN ME!
I use MS Edge - BURN ME!
I use Google Chrome - BURN ME!

I get paid £10.50 an hour for surfing the internet on the above 3 browsers.

In an ideal world though, I'd rather use Firefox like I do at home

 

[skaif]

I talk, people listen (most of the time) and fiddle with computers till they do what I want them to.

 

[martin363]

I sit, waiting for my retirement in 5 weeks, with nothing to do, but trying to look occupied, so they don't take pity on me and give me a project.

 

[Josh]

I do work my colleagues failed at doing and try not to smile when I utter the words, "did you really turn it off and on again?"

 

[Tuppy_Glossop]

I watch cows.

 

[moon man]

I partake in the infusion of flavors in a legal drug that destroys many lives but creates amusing threads when taken and is very profitable

 

[Angilion]

I walk around aimlessly, smelling of alcohol and talking a lot. Luckily I live in Stoke on Trent, so that's normal behaviour

Spoiler

I work in a bingo club. A large part of the job is moving around the place being a visibly available servant and talking with some of the customers. To some customers, it's a social club and they want to chat. At the moment, another large part of the job is sterilising every surface with 80% alcohol spray, over and over again in the case of surfaces that are often touched. The smell lingers on my hands.

 

[Efour]

I help cook food nobody eats then hang around with milfs pretending to be busy. Lol.

 

[skyripper]

I tell people how to do stuff, which they don't do. Much later, I then spend time fixing same stuff so it does what I told them to do.

I tell others how to stop people nicking our stuff and then have to explain why not doing it is a very bad idea.

Mostly I point out the stupid in people.

Edit: This should totally by my LinkedIn profile!

 

[Kreeeee]

.

 

[Dyson]

I watch people do the bare minimum for 12 hours, then hold a team's meeting and tell all the higher ups we didn't hit production.

 

[robj20]

I sign a piece of paper and relieve you of £1,000. Often three at a time.

 

[bakes0310]

I visit schools and tell teachers how they acted in the 70's was considered cheeky but now it's illegal.

 

[tom_nieto]

Second hand body parts salesman.

 

[ivrytwr3]

Try to stop metal tubes falling out of the sky and stop people sticking things where they shouldn't.

 

[peterwalkley]

I make sure your internet and mobile phone connections work.

 

[Maccapacca]

I tell people how much things cost then spend years defending that when the cost is completely different.