Badly explain what you do for a living.

Tefal said:
Are you my boss?



I vaguely try to look busy while doing the bare minimum.

Our workplace made the foolish mistake of setting every single task a fixed time


Used to give a bonus for producing over 100% of your hours in a shift.

This got banned by our regulator.


We now have fixed time jobs with no incentive to do anything more than get the minimum then stop.


It's not uncommon for People to be at 100% about half way through a shift and instead sit there doing whatever.

I rebuilt my throttle bodies :o
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Isn’t that every factory job ever?

Our company introduced a standard rate per hour for every job, before this was introduced, people would average between 30-40 an hour, now the rate is something silly like 15 on 99% of the jobs, they’ve lost out on so much.
 
I fix things that are supposed to teach fighter pilots how not to crash a plane, but they crash our super-duper calculators and drawing screens instead.
 
I co-ordinate other people who pretend to care that some computer systems aren't working right. Then I colour in some spreadsheets to show how many problems we had and how much we cared.
 
I help one of the most despised industries in this country select the most efficient way to fleece you all for more money.
 
Depending on the day I am several characters from Office Space:
  • Bill Lumbergh - I make people do meaingless paper work to prove productivity has happened, sometimes prioritised over actual productivity
  • Ron Livingston - Sometimes I just don't care
  • Manager at Cotchkies - I demand minimum standards but distinctly expect more
  • Milton - I often want to burn the office down
  • Tom Smykowski - I have people skills; I take the business requirements to the technical teams
 
I'm currently wrapping up presents and covering the parcels in zebra style stickers waiting for people to pick them up, but every afternoon when we let them know their presents are ready some fat guy in a red suit steals all the sacks and claims he's going to deliver them like Santa Claus does, then we get phone calls from the people saying their stuff is missing.

Usually I'm colouring in things to go in with the presents but during lockdown people wanted more presents.
 
I try to solve a puzzle that not only is there no known solution but no one else is even sure what the puzzle is.
 
I tell people 'It'll be alright' and they believe me.

That's not exactly my job, but it's definitely what I seem to get paid for.
 
I sit at a computer all day, typing or copying stuff from a spreadsheet into a proprietary website. Then people use what I have done to talk to people all over the world.
 
I spend my days trying to explain to people how they could do the things the do in better ways, and free up their time to do other things, only to be told that they can't do what i suggest becuase they're all too busy doing the things that they do. Sometimes i can also suggest that the changes would make it less expensive to do things, only to be told that they can't do that either as they have no money to spend making the changes.
 
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