Busted relationship/cheating partner

Its the trust I miss the most, everything was based on trust and without it I feel sick when I walk out of the door or when she dose. I am at that point where I don't even want to get up on a morning but the fact that I have not slept anyway and have not for the past two months pushes me out of bed as I can't lay there thinking anymore its the thinking constant thinking that tears your insides out and twists them round then smacks you in the face as you realise your still here and its all real and its not gone away. Im stuffed worn out no fight left in me and the thing is I have considered the worst option and still do every day since I found out. Im in pain and just want it to go away I really don't feel like another day of anything. There I spilled out my guts she broke me and I don't think anything can be fixed im a fighter but she drained all of it out of me.
 
I wouldn't stay with someone who'd ever contemplate cheating on me... I am 20 and with you being 36 you quite likely have a different mindset so, yeah. But my opinion, right now;

I can hand-on-heart say that if my girlfriend/partner had cheated on me, unless it was at the *very* begininng of the relationship, I wouldn't stay with her. I've been with my girlfriend since I was 14 and if she'd cheated on me I would leave her.

That's presuming she'd cheated on my and gone "all the way" with someone. A drunken kiss et al would be different.

I just think if someone's going to cheat, they're not worthy. I would get rid and prepare to be single again.

edit; just thinking about being cheated on really boils my blood... contemplating it just makes me angry... :mad:
 
Make the recordings into mp3's and e-mail them to all her friends (and post them here) ;)

Seriously tho, it sounds like she's taking the ****. I'd do whatever it takes to get rid of her...
 
you just answered your own problem. you say your doing nothing about it and the fact that you are doing nothing about it is what is hurting you so in essence your just hurting yourself by being around someone who you cant trust or communicate with, if they wasnt in your presence they would eventually be out of your mind, and when they arent being thought about, neither are the problems that come with them. I forgot how long you said you had moved out for, but I think you/her should move out until you both realise how much of an impact she really made to the relationship, you cant live with someone that has hurt you so deep, you can go into depression and it aint nice - been there before too.

the best way to get over it is to get that person out of your mind first, and then come back to them at a later date. fact is when ever you think of her you will first associate them as the marriage breaking cheater and regardless of how much you dont want to feel like that - the fact that you are doing nothing about it will only make it worse for you. Only once you both realise where you are both in life can you know the best cause of action because you are thinking with your heart and she is thinking for herself - your both not thinking straight so you need time appart to reflect on how to best resolve the issue and always remember it IS an issue that can be resolved whether you want to resolve it or not.

The day you can think of her without the word cheat emblazed on her forehead is the day you can start over with her. but until then - the relationship will never be the way you want it to be.
 
furnace said:
I wouldn't stay with someone who'd ever contemplate cheating on me... I am 20 and with you being 36 you quite likely have a different mindset so, yeah. But my opinion, right now;

I can hand-on-heart say that if my girlfriend/partner had cheated on me, unless it was at the *very* begininng of the relationship, I wouldn't stay with her. I've been with my girlfriend since I was 14 and if she'd cheated on me I would leave her.

That's presuming she'd cheated on my and gone "all the way" with someone. A drunken kiss et al would be different.

I just think if someone's going to cheat, they're not worthy. I would get rid and prepare to be single again.

edit; just thinking about being cheated on really boils my blood... contemplating it just makes me angry... :mad:
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its easy to say that when you have no ties to that person, but 3 kids, a house and many other things are involved.

if it was me I wouldnt care about the objects, just the kids. she cheated so I would divorce, move on. 9 years of bliss is a great thing to have, but if this is how it ends then so be it, I would be happier being single with no worries and the oppertunity to meet someone with the same mindset to me than be with that has such a blatant lack of respect for my life.
 
Umm i cant believe nobody has suggested marriage counselling??

Its all well and good us lot telling him to ditch the wife and so on, but there are kids involved and a relationship Hitman obviously want to salvage.

If you want my advise get to a marriage counseller asap. Ok your wife has done a terrible thing but imo she is just like a lost kid at the minute that is trying to get out of trouble any way she can.

The only way you are going to get honest answers is by the both of you talking to a professional. If anything make her do it for the kids sake.
 
I stated marriage counciling, but if she wanted to do that she would have done that before it got to the point she needed an affair :p

still - marriage councilling will be for the best. force her or force her out. you cant stick around twiddling thumbs dude.
 
councilling, sounds like most people on here either
A) dont have a clue about this
B) have never been on both ends

the ' Originally Posted by ErNciLator View Post
she's lying to you, to protect you being upset. thus she loves you.'

perfectly valid point, Iv done it before, massive mistake, but something was missing from the relationship and it was a rocky patch, I didnt feel I could approach partner with my problems, sometimes I feel i put too much burden on partners and i end up doing something stupid.

Cheats can change, I have, councilling really though, do it, you will find if theres an underlying problem etc, she couldnt have a councillor on tbh.
 
stevenazari1 said:
I stated marriage counciling, but if she wanted to do that she would have done that before it got to the point she needed an affair :p
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Woops, didnt see your post on that. I have to disagree about going to a councilor before she started an affair, too late for that now so not relevant + I'd dare say a lot of what councilors have to deal with are situations just like this.
 
peetee said:
councilling, sounds like most people on here either
A) dont have a clue about this
B) have never been on both ends

the ' Originally Posted by ErNciLator View Post
she's lying to you, to protect you being upset. thus she loves you.'

perfectly valid point, Iv done it before, massive mistake, but something was missing from the relationship and it was a rocky patch, I didnt feel I could approach partner with my problems, sometimes I feel i put too much burden on partners and i end up doing something stupid.

Cheats can change, I have, councilling really though, do it, you will find if theres an underlying problem etc, she couldnt have a councillor on tbh.
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its easy to make excuses for yourself but its not a personality disorder on the cheaters behalf, its a barrier between a couple forcing them appart. to cheat is to be a coward to face the problems and ignore them - as a result creating bigger problems.

get councilling but councilling doesnt guarantee your problem solved. remember that.
 
stevenazari1 said:
its easy to make excuses for yourself but its not a personality disorder on the cheaters behalf, its a barrier between a couple forcing them appart. to cheat is to be a coward to face the problems and ignore them - as a result creating bigger problems.
.
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There is no excuse for cheating. Cheating = End of relationship.

If things get bad you go to therapy before not after you do something like have an affair.
 
how do you get truth from someone who has told all her friends and family that im a mad man and I have made stories up about her going with a 19 year-old, because she also refuses to tell her friends and family what she did even after she said sorry to me
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UN******believable to be quite honest.. You have evidence she is cheating on you with another guy and she still denies it? She refuses to come clean? She even tells further lies about you to her family about it? just wtf man wtf?



With all due respect to this mad, crazy devil woman.....

giving20the20fingerio6.jpg


AND GET THE HECK AWAY FROM THIS EVIL WOMAN! The trust has gone.

I would be sending off all the evidence to my lawyer and ofski to the divorce courts pronto. Get custody of the kids, get the house, get the car take her for everything you possibly can.
 
ya I forgot she lied to her friends and family too lol. you really need to ditch this one and replace her quick lol. at the same time send her family copies of the tape.
 
I don't believe any relationship ever gets over an affair properly. It will always be there in the back of your mind. I believe people tolerate it, especially when there are kids involved, but they never truly get over it.

Must be a horrible situation to be in, I wish you well.
 
HITMAN_LEON said:
What do I do?

I confronted her and she denied everything at the end of December then I left her only for one night and she said sorry and admitted some of it. My problem is I can’t and simply will not even attempt to forgive her until she comes clean for the whole of what went on, if she can’t say sorry for it all then she is not sorry for anything. I have tried and pushed and pushed to get the truth from her but she just will not budge.
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I can't see why she wouldn't admit the hole of what went on, the damage is done now what is there to lose that she hasn't already lost?
Either more went on than you know about and she can't admit it for fear of losing you, or you don't want to forgive her and putting her in a impossible situation trying to get her to admitting something that doesn't exist!

Personally form only reading what you've written HITMAN I don't think you want to forgive her and I don't blame ya.
 
First off, you my friend are very down, and you have every right to be. Get out and away from her, the kids and work for a few days. Go and stay with a good friend, or relative.

You need to speak to someone about this, face to face. It doesn't need to be a councelor, it can be anyone that will listen and not make a judgemental opinion. Pour your heart out, get everything off your chest. You are not in a state to sort this out in your current state, and she knows this.

Once you have your head semi-striaght, ditch the kids somewhere safe and get away with your wife for a few days. Somewhere quiet and private. Tell her everything, absoloutely everyrthing, tell her what you have been feeling. Tell her how you hate the fact she has lied. Make it rystal clear to her that THIS is her last chance, she gets the oppertunity to come clean, here and now. Know one else is there other than you and her. She knows you know, she just needs to accept it. Dig deep and find out why she did this. You need to find the root cause. Neither you or her are in a situation where you can decide what to do for the best for the future.

Once everything has been said, and out in the open, you then can decide what to do for the best. To move forward or to take seperate paths. The kids are important here, but so are you, and her and your relationship is a fundemental part to their lives.

This is her final chance, if she doesn't come clean, and tells you everything you have no choice but to go before you doubt yourself. The fact you are contemplating ending everything is not a good mindset to be in fella. You have had a **** time recently and you need to dig deep to carry on, but you can.

I've been in a similar situation, found the things out after a long term relationship, mortgage, etc. She never slept with anyone but other things were said and done. I asked her if it was true, she denied it so i showed her the proof. Since then things have been on and off between us, and i am basically using it as a casual sex stop. Very soon i am off elsewhere and she will be left out to dry. I was taken for a mug, and now i am thinking about myself. Look afetr number one, because no other sod will.
 
Jesus bloody Christ. So it played like this:

- She cheats
- You find out
- You confront her about it and she denies it
- She goes to her solicitors to seemingly find out if she can get you in trouble
- She spreads lies about you in an attempt to cover her own back
- Frankly takes you for a mug with this "stabbing us in the back" BS

I've never been in a serious relationship so my opinion is squat. I do feel I could never forgive her actions though. Do you what feel is right mate. If there's even an element of doubt, I would seriously give the relationship some thought.
 
LordSplodge said:
There is no excuse for cheating. Cheating = End of relationship.
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I have never been cheated on, but in a marriage or similar relationship I would try and salvage it if it had got to that stage, depending on the circumstances.

I feel very sorry for you HITMAN_LEON, sounds a horrible situation to which I can give you little advice. I hope all turns out the best it could.
 
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