conversation, how?

Devrij said:
It's better to be interesting and ask questions that aren't superficial and boring, but if pretending to be alpha douche allows you to do things like touch a girl's elbow (physical contact is key to avoiding desexualising yourself) while you're talking then it's a good thing.
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Say what ? :confused: + :eek: = :p
 
finga said:
lol you pretend to be somebody else to touch a girls elbow? why
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Dude, the guy can't have a conversation, he isn't going to be feeling confident and relaxed now is he? Pretending to be more confident than you are is a useful tool. Besides, I have a gf. I have other parts to touch ;)
 
FoxEye said:
I'm just not sure that I can approach things in the same way you guys can. For example, I couldn't just strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop. The stress would kill me ;)
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To be fair to you, there is some pretty bizarre 'advice' spewing out of the internet void in this thread, from speaking with randoms at a bus stop to pretending to be a douche bag to get laid. I would never do either, and if some douche started chatting to me at the bus stop I would give it the icy stare of death :p My advice would be to pay no attention to the ramblings of Aspergers Anonymous and Be Yourself. If you really want to change, go tell your GP and get the ball rolling for some NLP/therapy.
 
Dude, I'm just suggesting he gets out and starts talking to people wherever he has a plausible reason to do so, so he can build confidence. Or acting confident until he gets there so as not to make the other person feel awkward. What's so weird about that?
 
You cant 'act' confident. Confidence is simply belief in yourself. You actually said to pretend to be somebody else. I think what you really meant is to ignore nerves but it came out as some **** advice.
 
BunnyKillBot said:
To be fair to you, there is some pretty bizarre 'advice' spewing out of the internet void in this thread, from speaking with randoms at a bus stop to pretending to be a douche bag to get laid. I would never do either, and if some douche started chatting to me at the bus stop I would give it the icy stare of death :p My advice would be to pay no attention to the ramblings of Aspergers Anonymous and Be Yourself. If you really want to change, go tell your GP and get the ball rolling for some NLP/therapy.
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Have you ever received NLP/therapy for this sort of thing? Striking up conversation with strangers is exactly the sort of tasks you'd be given by them.
 
finga said:
You cant 'act' confident. Confidence is simply belief in yourself. You actually said to pretend to be somebody else. I think what you really meant is to ignore nerves but it came out as some **** advice.
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My bad, that's a clearer way of putting it. I was trying to get across that if you imagine what a confident person might do, you can emulate that behaviour.

I just feel that all the people saying "just be yourself" (while they're correct) don't understand the barriers preventing a socially awkward person from doing that. Actionable tasks are the easiest way to change those feelings by challenging them. Kinda like CBT.
 
DannyDan said:
Have you ever received NLP/therapy for this sort of thing? Striking up conversation with strangers is exactly the sort of tasks you'd be given by them.
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If that is the recommendation of a GP/trained therapist/professional person, etc, specific to the case of a given individual, then fair enough, but who the hell are you to him?
 
If your nervous about talking to ppl you could practise on friends. There must be some people you are comfortable talking to.

As regarding talking to women...its not really what you say chief...its how you say it. Just ask lots of questions, throw in a compliment every now and then....simple.
 
Surfer said:
If your nervous about talking to ppl you could practise on friends. There must be some people you are comfortable talking to.

As regarding talking to women...its not really what you say chief...its how you say it. Just ask lots of questions, throw in a compliment every now and then....simple.
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"Hey ladies, want to come back to my place and look at all the effluent that's come up through my bizarrely placed drain? It's in the living room! Ok, maybe see you later."
 
[FnG]magnolia;22392378 said:
"Hey ladies, want to come back to my place and look at all the effluent that's come up through my bizarrely placed drain? It's in the living room! Ok, maybe see you later."
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You forgot the compliment. It would have sealed the deal :p
 
Devrij said:
I mean, imagine your typical bloke who does well with girls. A bit cocky, maybe a bit overconfident, almost a bit of a dick, alpha male type. Even if you aren't that sort of person (I, for instance, am not a douche), pretend to be him. Be "man", ignoring the vast spectrum of personality types that exist, be the one that people think of when asked what a man is. Women are taught what men to like in the same way we're taught what women to like. How else would you explain people thinking Paris Hilton was hot?

It's better to be interesting and ask questions that aren't superficial and boring, but if pretending to be alpha douche allows you to do things like touch a girl's elbow (physical contact is key to avoiding desexualising yourself) while you're talking then it's a good thing.
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You should enjoy this, one of the most interesting articles I've ever read (along with the comments).

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/results-from-an-online-dating-experiment/
 
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