First reply, spot on.
I've quoted it in other threads but here you go, from community
Thoughts are with you.
coping with losing someone
- Thread starter garyfl
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First reply, spot on.
I've quoted it in other threads but here you go, from community
Thoughts are with you.
Really sorry to hear mate. My grandma currently has 24-48 hours left (according to the doctors as they can't be specific) but it's not the same as a mother or father so I can imagine you must be feeling seriously lost. The only advice I can give, and it's what I've been doing these past 2 days is spend as much time with your dad as possible, keep talking to him, let him know your there, try not to be down when your around him (I know it's easier said than done) and just make as much use as the time you have left with him. There really isn't much you can say to someone in this situation. Some people hate talking about it. I can't talk about it because it upsets me but others find it more upsetting to not talk about it.
Even though he is asleep, still talk to him, because I bet he can hear you (so i'm told).
Feel for you mate
Even though he is asleep, still talk to him, because I bet he can hear you (so i'm told).
Feel for you mate
jeez not nice to read the original post, I have lost a few close family members through cancer and its a terrible terrible thing to have.
Sounds like your Dad has done so very well a shame to see him in this way now.
No words can take your pain away, take time to get over any loss, and remember there are others who care, others who will listen, others who have been through it, and others who want you to do well and support you anyway they can.
regards
Ross
Sounds like your Dad has done so very well a shame to see him in this way now.
No words can take your pain away, take time to get over any loss, and remember there are others who care, others who will listen, others who have been through it, and others who want you to do well and support you anyway they can.
regards
Ross
just got a phonecall from mum, dad had woken up for a second before his morphine injection, she held the phone to his ear and i told him i loved him and my goodbyes, god sake it is the hardest thing ever had had to do
So tough, but as a family you have been there for him in his final weeks. There is nothing you could have done but that. Give him a good send off and remember the good times. My partner lost her mother a couple of months ago so I know how you feel.
Pay some babysitters, ask a neighbour - just go and see him for both your sakes; there's always a way, don't put it off.
My Mum died from cancer back in October having been diagnosed in April that year; it's incredibly hard to deal with but when I look back at it now, you really just go into autopilot and deal with it at it comes. When I think back now I just find it all so surreal, I imagine this is probably just the way the human brain deals with coping with this kind of tragedy.
My Mum died from cancer back in October having been diagnosed in April that year; it's incredibly hard to deal with but when I look back at it now, you really just go into autopilot and deal with it at it comes. When I think back now I just find it all so surreal, I imagine this is probably just the way the human brain deals with coping with this kind of tragedy.
just got a phonecall from mum, dad had woken up for a second before his morphine injection, she held the phone to his ear and i told him i loved him and my goodbyes, god sake it is the hardest thing ever had had to do
You will be glad you had the chance to do it in years to come, and he will know, its not much help now. I lost my mum in simmilar circumstances but she was under on drugs for the last few days, but she knew I was there.
I just kind of became emotionally numb for a long while afterward, kind of detached, but everyone deals with these things in thier own way, but thingfs will become easier in time, just try to concentrate on being there for the other family members as you will all be in some kind of shock for a while..
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Seriously matey, you need to go see him no matter what. You may well find that you will regret not going to him (even for a little while) to say your goodbyes. You want get another chance and to be honest I think the younger ones should have the chance too!
Thoughts are with you and your family buddy, chin up!
Thoughts are with you and your family buddy, chin up!
I won't lie, I've not read all the posts in this thread.
My dad had heart failure at work back in June last year. He collapsed, his heart stopped, and it took 40 minutes of CPR and Defib work to bring him back. He was then rushed to hospital and had a stent put in a valve in his heart. Unfortunately, 40 minutes without proper oxygen caused irreparable damage to his brain and he died 3 days later, he never regained consciousness.
I spent those 3 days sat with him, only really going home to sleep and get a bit of space. We had hopes through those days that he might make it, but as time went on, and tests started going against us the Doctors gave us the news we feared, he wasn't going to make it. His brain couldn't even give signals to his digestive system, he couldn't maintain his own blood pressure, he was having constant sub clinical fits, and to top it off, he'd contracted pneumonia. Even if we kept him on all the drugs and machines, they were sure that would kill him within a few days.
Your mum doesn't want to leave his side, I get that. I saw that happen myself. You are his Son, you have a right to be there. The hospital don't 'do' restrictions on those sat round the bed when the situation is remotely close to this, and the nurses go way above and beyond to help out. You WILL NOT have a problem with them. Only your mum, who, will get over it very quickly.
Get in a Taxi now with your brothers/sisters and get down to the hospital. Your Dad would want to see them, and your mum won't understand this at this time due to her grief. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't get down there.
With my Dad he had a donor card, so the transplant team got ready and turned off the medication and respiratory machine when they were ready. I held his hand to the end, and I would have wanted nothing other than that. You have that right, as do your brothers/sisters if they want it.
Get down there mate, you need to do this.
I wish you all the help and support you need to try and get through this, if you want a chat, just shout.
My dad had heart failure at work back in June last year. He collapsed, his heart stopped, and it took 40 minutes of CPR and Defib work to bring him back. He was then rushed to hospital and had a stent put in a valve in his heart. Unfortunately, 40 minutes without proper oxygen caused irreparable damage to his brain and he died 3 days later, he never regained consciousness.
I spent those 3 days sat with him, only really going home to sleep and get a bit of space. We had hopes through those days that he might make it, but as time went on, and tests started going against us the Doctors gave us the news we feared, he wasn't going to make it. His brain couldn't even give signals to his digestive system, he couldn't maintain his own blood pressure, he was having constant sub clinical fits, and to top it off, he'd contracted pneumonia. Even if we kept him on all the drugs and machines, they were sure that would kill him within a few days.
Your mum doesn't want to leave his side, I get that. I saw that happen myself. You are his Son, you have a right to be there. The hospital don't 'do' restrictions on those sat round the bed when the situation is remotely close to this, and the nurses go way above and beyond to help out. You WILL NOT have a problem with them. Only your mum, who, will get over it very quickly.
Get in a Taxi now with your brothers/sisters and get down to the hospital. Your Dad would want to see them, and your mum won't understand this at this time due to her grief. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't get down there.
With my Dad he had a donor card, so the transplant team got ready and turned off the medication and respiratory machine when they were ready. I held his hand to the end, and I would have wanted nothing other than that. You have that right, as do your brothers/sisters if they want it.
Get down there mate, you need to do this.
I wish you all the help and support you need to try and get through this, if you want a chat, just shout.
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just got a phonecall from mum, dad had woken up for a second before his morphine injection, she held the phone to his ear and i told him i loved him and my goodbyes, god sake it is the hardest thing ever had had to do
I know exactly what you're going through, as the same thing happened with my Dad, except that he was a victim of kidney cancer. We too thought he'd beaten it, only for a check-up 18 months later to show that it had come back and spread to his lymph nodes.
It was and is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with - watching a fit, active bloke (he hadn't smoked since the late 1960s, watched what he ate and was an avid cyclist, both in his youth and middle age) be turned into a bedridden shell of a man, so doped up on morphine he barely knew what day it was.
The final time I saw him alive will be seared on my memory until the day I myself die. He was in and out of consciousness and it was obvious the end was near - I just took hold of his hand, kissed him on the forehead, looked him straight in the eye and said "I love you to bits Dad and I always will". I know he heard me because he looked at me and smiled and with what little strength he had, squeezed my hand.
Believe me, you will find a way to cope that works for you and you may possibly find strength of character you didn't know you had. It was only when I came to write my eulogy for the funeral that I cried, but it let out a lot of grief and enabled me to be a rock for my Mum, Nana and Auntie at the actual funeral itself.
Another thing we did which helped all those present was to have a 'close family only' wake after the official wake - Dad had a wicked sense of humour and wouldn't have wanted a load of weeping and wailing, so we reminisced about all the laughs we'd had with him over the years. The drink was flowing, the tears were those of laughter and I vaguely remember my brother nipping down the chip shop and coming back with cod & chips for everybody - it was great therapy and numbed the pain for all concerned.
All I can say to you is there is no right or wrong way to handle something like this - do whatever works for you. Stay strong for those around you, but don't feel ashamed if your emotions get the better of you. Talk - don't bottle anything up.
thank you everyone for all your kind words and advice, im grieving pretty bad and cant come to terms with the reality, im losing the love of my life as well as losing my dad. if im honest i cant cope. the problem with seeing my dad is hes going to die anyminute and i dont want the kids to see him die, id like to be there for him myself though. i pray that he holds out and that i do get a chance to hold his hand and tell him im sorry for being such an ass to him in the past and to kiss him goodbye, i owe this to him. bless him, im just grieving really badly and i have no one to talk to i dont really have many friends as i lost them all when i left college.
I was at the hospital when my father in law passed away following a two and a half year battle. I wouldn't have been anywhere else for the world. Not only should you take the chance to spend as much time with him as possible but your mum will need her family round her. Don't miss your chance to say goodbye in person. Thinking of you.
Get the hell down to the hospital. There'll be a card up for a babysitting in a shop or something. You'll regret not being at the hospital and being there/saying goodbye to him in real person.
My father died in January this year and so glad that I was there in his final hours. Unfortunately, I wasn't there when he died. However, I think he picked that point on purpose as his wife and two kids were away. He was just left with my mum, his ex wife and best friend, and we think he felt it was the best way to do everything.
You're being a bloody fool if you don't get down there. There are people to look after the kids, or take the kids with you.
Grieving is crap, but it's something you need to go through and something that is likely to take a while. My brother said he was done with the grieving after a very short period, then it hit him like a tonne of bricks. Talk to family, friends and be honest with yourself.
Most of all, get down and see him.
My father died in January this year and so glad that I was there in his final hours. Unfortunately, I wasn't there when he died. However, I think he picked that point on purpose as his wife and two kids were away. He was just left with my mum, his ex wife and best friend, and we think he felt it was the best way to do everything.
You're being a bloody fool if you don't get down there. There are people to look after the kids, or take the kids with you.
Grieving is crap, but it's something you need to go through and something that is likely to take a while. My brother said he was done with the grieving after a very short period, then it hit him like a tonne of bricks. Talk to family, friends and be honest with yourself.
Most of all, get down and see him.
What do you mean you don't want the kids to see him die? Have you asked the kids themselves?
Why can't they be in the waiting room?
Seriously man, I can't believe you're just accepting it, I know times are hard but this is the time where you have a choice, a chance, get down there asap.
Why can't they be in the waiting room?
Seriously man, I can't believe you're just accepting it, I know times are hard but this is the time where you have a choice, a chance, get down there asap.