Dealing with Cancer

Sorry to hear your news. Try to take comfort in the positives of this painful experience.
You know what is coming but you have the opportunity now to say everything you want to him and support him when he needs it the most.
 
Mouth Cancer migrated from soft tissue to jaw bone. Had to have jaw completely rebuilt. Usual Chemo and Radiotherapy 4 yrs down the line still standing, but not for one minute kidding myself it will come back.

The old saying comes back to me time and time again, “ You don’t always get in life what you think you deserve” I still get the brief moment of sheer terror when I think I could die. Not because I am afraid (everyone dies) self centred approach I don’t want my family and perhaps their last memories to be if what I have become rather than what I was.

Talking about your feelings and fears is a good thing but something’s only a person who has walked that road can understand
 
my dads journey's end is very close.
he is in the next room dying as i type.
i have to keep walking out i'm a mess.
my elderly mum and my brother are with him.

i was expecting this but i've never felt heartache like this.
my poor dad was so gentle and kind he didnt deserve stomach cancer.
i love him so much but i want him to go now. :(
 
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Be strong for him right now, drop to pieces later. There are organisations out there that can help you, MacMillan, st Barnabas etc, it varies by area but those people are as much there for you your father to talk to if you need them.

Lost my father 5 years ago this week to bowel cancer. You will get through it, he will want you to be ok, no sense in talking about you instead of him, every father in the world wants there kids to carry on and do as well as they can.
Grief is a strange thing, don't let it overtake you and be kind to yourself.
 
I've not read this tread in much detail. however having survived and also living with someone who has melanoma I've seen both sides of this.

When I was going through it my wife was being strong for me, but for me I had something to fight, a target, something to focus on. for her it was an unseen enemy which there was nothing she could do (beyond her support) to stop it. When I became my turn to be her support I then understood all of her frustrations about not being able to fight it for me.

I'm 10 years free now, and never felt better, in fact i've just started playing ice hockey again! so there is light at the end of the tunnel!
 
thanks for the reply's it is appreciated.

to our amazement he's sat up in the bed a few times
to have a ciggie :D
had a few wee's in the bathroom.
i can't help but think today was a dress rehearsal for what's to come.
 
movingtables said:
thanks for the reply's it is appreciated.

to our amazement he's sat up in the bed a few times
to have a ciggie :D
had a few wee's in the bathroom.
i can't help but think today was a dress rehearsal for what's to come.
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Back in 2016 my dad was diagnosed with diffuse large b cell non-hodgkin lymphoma, 11 months later i was in a similar situation to you.. Told he was 24-72 hours left and asked to sign a DNR as he detireorated.

It is hard to know what to say in terms of what to prepare for, but remember that the dying process is very natural. Don't overcrowd the room, make sure it is comfortable and ensure that friendly conversation is going on around him even if you think he can't hear, he probably can and this will bring great comfort.
In my dads case at least he was visibly in distress trying to fight the dying process away, this was exceptionally traumatic for us to witness, flailing arms etc. Eventually once the nurses have attached the syringe driver and the morphine is flowing this will ease up, the sooner you can get the staff administering the maximum amount of medicine to ensure comfort the better, luckily my mother (his ex wife) was a paliative care nurse for many years and helped us communicate with the nurses to ensure he had the highest dose possible.

In my fathers case his hands became very hot towards the end, his skin started to discolour as blood started to gather in the extremities, this as far as i know isn't perticuarly normal but it was a side effect of the sepsis caused by the cancer. The usual process has the extremities going pale and losing blood, thus going cold. The blood will move towards the chest and vital organs similarly to hyperthermia, the telltale sign for knowing that the time is near is when the nose becomes cold.

The moment of death can vary, don't expect a quiet and easy end. Often the diaphram inverts as the heart stops and fluid is often brought up during the death rattle, this can make it seem like the person is choking, they aren't at this point they have passed, but it is a part of the natural process. The quiet easy death can still occur however.

Studies have shown that the brain can stay active for a number of minutes following death, try and remain calm and hold your fathers hand, tell him how much you love him and how you will make him more proud than he already is.

Visiting hours don't apply to you.

You may feel like a weight has been lifed or a sense of relief once he has passed, this is normal and do not feel guilty for it. Cancer isn't about the death, it robs you of a good nights sleep from diagnosis to either cure or loss...

I am sorry for being so honest with this, but i wanted to share my experience.

I wish you all the luck moving forwards and hope your dad has a peaceful passing.
 
terley said:
Back in 2016 my dad was diagnosed with diffuse large b cell non-hodgkin lymphoma, 11 months later i was in a similar situation to you.. Told he was 24-72 hours left and asked to sign a DNR as he detireorated.


It is hard to know what to say in terms of what to prepare for, but remember that the dying process is very natural. Don't overcrowd the room, make sure it is comfortable and ensure that friendly conversation is going on around him even if you think he can't hear, he probably can and this will bring great comfort.
In my dads case at least he was visibly in distress trying to fight the dying process away, this was exceptionally traumatic for us to witness, flailing arms etc. Eventually once the nurses have attached the syringe driver and the morphine is flowing this will ease up, the sooner you can get the staff administering the maximum amount of medicine to ensure comfort the better, luckily my mother (his ex wife) was a paliative care nurse for many years and helped us communicate with the nurses to ensure he had the highest dose possible.

In my fathers case his hands became very hot towards the end, his skin started to discolour as blood started to gather in the extremities, this as far as i know isn't perticuarly normal but it was a side effect of the sepsis caused by the cancer. The usual process has the extremities going pale and losing blood, thus going cold. The blood will move towards the chest and vital organs similarly to hyperthermia, the telltale sign for knowing that the time is near is when the nose becomes cold.

The moment of death can vary, don't expect a quiet and easy end. Often the diaphram inverts as the heart stops and fluid is often brought up during the death rattle, this can make it seem like the person is choking, they aren't at this point they have passed, but it is a part of the natural process. The quiet easy death can still occur however.

Studies have shown that the brain can stay active for a number of minutes following death, try and remain calm and hold your fathers hand, tell him how much you love him and how you will make him more proud than he already is.

Visiting hours don't apply to you.

You may feel like a weight has been lifed or a sense of relief once he has passed, this is normal and do not feel guilty for it. Cancer isn't about the death, it robs you of a good nights sleep from diagnosis to either cure or loss...

I am sorry for being so honest with this, but i wanted to share my experience.

I wish you all the luck moving forwards and hope your dad has a peaceful passing.
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Thank you that was a beautiful reply.
 
he's still hanging in there my dad.
in all the confusion since friday when the pain got a bit worse
i hadn't noticed they had upped his oxy in his syringe driver from 30mg to 50mg
which is quite a jump.. they usually go up in 5mg's.
nurses are going to review it tomoz morning so i'm going to ask them to drop to 40mg
because at the moment he looks like he's on tour with the rolling stones back in old days lol.
 
movingtables said:
he's still hanging in there my dad.
in all the confusion since friday when the pain got a bit worse
i hadn't noticed they had upped his oxy in his syringe driver from 30mg to 50mg
which is quite a jump.. they usually go up in 5mg's.
nurses are going to review it tomoz morning so i'm going to ask them to drop to 40mg
because at the moment he looks like he's on tour with the rolling stones back in old days lol.
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Hope all goes smoothly mate, these moments define us as people.
 
my dad has not eaten for over a week now.
sleeps most of the time but has times where he sits up in bed for a cup of tea and a fag.
fathers day today and i was discussing funeral wish's / arrangements with him. so surreal.
 
Ah mate that's *****, just got back from visiting my old man who has terminal adrenal cancer and he's not great, he's really deteriorated since Xmas and being father's day really is a kick in the nuts seeing him so bad, he can hardly keep his eyes open and when he talks he is really difficult to understand. It's bad seeing my dad suffer like he is, such a strong proud man who's now reduce to a shadow of himself.

Know how you feel and my heart goes out to you, stay strong mate.
 
Maundie said:
Ah mate that's *****, just got back from visiting my old man who has terminal adrenal cancer and he's not great, he's really deteriorated since Xmas and being father's day really is a kick in the nuts seeing him so bad, he can hardly keep his eyes open and when he talks he is really difficult to understand. It's bad seeing my dad suffer like he is, such a strong proud man who's now reduce to a shadow of himself.

Know how you feel and my heart goes out to you, stay strong mate.
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same to you mate, so very sad innit ;)
 
movingtables said:
my dad has not eaten for over a week now.
sleeps most of the time but has times where he sits up in bed for a cup of tea and a fag.
fathers day today and i was discussing funeral wish's / arrangements with him. so surreal.
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Maundie said:
Ah mate that's *****, just got back from visiting my old man who has terminal adrenal cancer and he's not great, he's really deteriorated since Xmas and being father's day really is a kick in the nuts seeing him so bad, he can hardly keep his eyes open and when he talks he is really difficult to understand. It's bad seeing my dad suffer like he is, such a strong proud man who's now reduce to a shadow of himself.

Know how you feel and my heart goes out to you, stay strong mate.
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Sorry you guys are going through it right now.
 
terley said:
Back in 2016 my dad was diagnosed with diffuse large b cell non-hodgkin lymphoma, 11 months later i was in a similar situation to you.. Told he was 24-72 hours left and asked to sign a DNR as he detireorated.

It is hard to know what to say in terms of what to prepare for, but remember that the dying process is very natural. Don't overcrowd the room, make sure it is comfortable and ensure that friendly conversation is going on around him even if you think he can't hear, he probably can and this will bring great comfort.
In my dads case at least he was visibly in distress trying to fight the dying process away, this was exceptionally traumatic for us to witness, flailing arms etc. Eventually once the nurses have attached the syringe driver and the morphine is flowing this will ease up, the sooner you can get the staff administering the maximum amount of medicine to ensure comfort the better, luckily my mother (his ex wife) was a paliative care nurse for many years and helped us communicate with the nurses to ensure he had the highest dose possible.

In my fathers case his hands became very hot towards the end, his skin started to discolour as blood started to gather in the extremities, this as far as i know isn't perticuarly normal but it was a side effect of the sepsis caused by the cancer. The usual process has the extremities going pale and losing blood, thus going cold. The blood will move towards the chest and vital organs similarly to hyperthermia, the telltale sign for knowing that the time is near is when the nose becomes cold.

The moment of death can vary, don't expect a quiet and easy end. Often the diaphram inverts as the heart stops and fluid is often brought up during the death rattle, this can make it seem like the person is choking, they aren't at this point they have passed, but it is a part of the natural process. The quiet easy death can still occur however.

Studies have shown that the brain can stay active for a number of minutes following death, try and remain calm and hold your fathers hand, tell him how much you love him and how you will make him more proud than he already is.

Visiting hours don't apply to you.

You may feel like a weight has been lifed or a sense of relief once he has passed, this is normal and do not feel guilty for it. Cancer isn't about the death, it robs you of a good nights sleep from diagnosis to either cure or loss...

I am sorry for being so honest with this, but i wanted to share my experience.

I wish you all the luck moving forwards and hope your dad has a peaceful passing.
Click to expand...

I wish someone had gone through some of this for us.
 
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