Well things have progressed slightly with my mum. My brother, my mum and I went to Devon a few weeks ago. We always went to Devon, Cornwall or Wales for family holidays as kids in the 1970's. We had a lot of very happy memories there. So we took her there again to rekindle old memories. We had a fantastic time and managed to get probably the last summer weekend of the year. I couldn't ask for more. It was great. But she wasn't so good while there and has deteriorated a little since coming home. She's been having a lot of stomach pain recently and they think she may have an ulcer, although the new tumors in her stomach and liver are probably the main reason. She has another set of chemo starting next week and she'll have several more over the next six months.
But I've been here before in 2002 with my father and his lung cancer. It was a similar time of year and his progression was similar. He went in the spring the following year so I'm expecting a similar timeline for my mum, although we really don't know. It could be months or it could be years. I'm expecting months and am prepared for that. If it's years then that's a bonus. I'm an older man in my 50's so I've seen life. I've seen death. I've seen illness. I've held my fathers hand as he died. I've had children, seen new life come into being, and hidden my own cancer from them (a long time ago - now cured). But watching my mum in pain and knowing that she knows it will only get worse is not great. I'd call that sub-optimal I think.
It's been a brutal year. My mum's partner died of a heart attack. He was a lovely man. He treated her well in her last years and for that I am grateful. His death was unexpected by all at a time when everyone was worried about her. Sitting in the funeral directors with my mum arranging his funeral and making adjustments to hers, with her sitting there, was a bit grim if I'm honest. I can't think of a more suitable word than grim. My wife's mum died of the same cause shortly after. Now watching my mum in pain getting weaker is again... sub optimal at best.