DELETED_5350

Are you sure she's the cause of your problems?.

It's entirely possible the problem is within yourself & running away from your current life could make things worse.

As being single, paying maintainable, potential problems with contact with kids (pending on how she is that way) - may actually make things worse off overall.

Maybe you need to try harder at the relationship, a different job, work less - maybe the problem is her - who knows, but I'd consider the prospect that the problem may be internal & by simply changing your environment it may not go away.
 
There will no doubt be some debate amongst members as to your sons quality of life over this.

The first thing is, I reckon you need to sit down and talk to her about it when you're not arguing. Otherwise it'll be hard to take it as seriously.

Secondly, I guess it's a question of how are you finding life living together, are you enjoying it? Do you have good moments, but just the occasional bad one that gets you down, or is it 90% of the time you're not really enjoying it.

I guess ultimately, and unfortunately, you stuck it out for your son. Which gets you some great manpoints. You did the right thing, but I wonder how happy your son will be if he has two unhappy parents. Does she feel the same way? Or is she quite happy?

kd
 
smoove said:
..How can i walk out on my son, am i being selfish?
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Yes.

But it's not unreasonable to ask her to get a job. Raising a child isnt a part time job, but it's possible for both of you to work. You could then work less and share more responsibilities at home, rather than feeling as though you're spending all of your time allowing the others to survive.

However, you shouldnt stay "because someone might criticise you if you dont", stay because you've fathered a son and it's your responsibility as a parent to be a parent, simple as.

Do you have feelings for your gf now? I'm not seeing much on that in the OP other than you were thinking of ending it before she got pregnant. Frankly I cant comment on what shouldve happened around then as I dont know the details.

Talk to her more, dont just find a way that works for her and 'live with it' until you die inside, find a way which works for both of you together.

You say you live near your mother, talk to her as well.
 
hhhmmm i broke up with the girl i met at school, and got engaged to, and was with for 9 years from when i was 17.

I didnt realise how much i was compromising being me until after we'd split up, and friends and family say i'm a happier, more whole person than before we split. No kids were involved, and it was still pretty horrible so i cannot imagine with a kid...

I moved out from her and in with some uni friends, and rediscovered who i am, what i wanted and all these other hippy sayings!

Now, 7 years later, i'm married to the perfect woman, new born baby, and a career i enjoy.
 
smoove said:
We currently live together (if you can call it that), pretty much opposite my mothers house and her mums home is 5 mins down the road.
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I'm curious why you felt it was necessary to give these details about your living situation. I thought the post was going to involve your mothers but it didn't...seems odd. Maybe it's me. Does the proximity of your mothers have something to do with how you currently feel (trapped)?
 
try work it out, think of the little one

I thought the post was going to involve your mothers but it didn't...seems odd. Maybe it's me. Does the proximity of your mothers have something to do with how you currently feel
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i thought that too
 
Don't want to sound like a complete ****** ********, but it's no longer all about you. :(

Your son's happiness should take precedence (all my opinion only by the way). If it means you being a moody **** all the time and him growing up to see his parents bickering bitterly, then get out.

If you can provide him with a happy upbringing with your girl then do this. Truth be told it sounds like the problem isn't with her anyway. There is something cankering away at your soul.
 
kenmare said:
Don't want to sound like a complete ******* ********, but it's no longer all about you. :(

Your son's happiness should take precedence (all my opinion only by the way).
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This is my take on it, if that means working things out, then do that - however if the best thing for him is that you seperate from your partner then do that. However, whatever you're going to do; decide sooner rather than later.
 
This sounds a rather grim situation.

I don't think his son's happiness should take 'precedence', there is no point in the OP living a miserable life himself - you only get one shot at it!

Try and reach a compromise. There isn't any real reason you couldn't divorce and continue to act as a father to your son. I'm not saying it's the best idea, but it is a valid way out.
 
Nitefly said:
This sounds a rather grim situation.

I don't think his son's happiness should take 'precedence', there is no point in the OP living a miserable life himself - you only get one shot at it!

Try and reach a compromise. There isn't any real reason you couldn't divorce and continue to act as a father to your son. I'm not saying it's the best idea, but it is a valid way out.
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I could only speak for myself. The OP has made a decision in having a child, the child has to live it's life.

Not to mention that children are wonderful things, so the OP will probably be a lot happier in the long run bringing up a child.

The question is the situation.
 
You are young, and you had your son young. All relationships go through bad patches, even bad years, and perhaps as you've been attached at an early age you imagine a wonderful alternative out there that you haven't experienced yet? The grass is always greener. But is it? Your girlfriend is the mother of your son, and appears to be a good mother to him, and a good "wife" to you. I'm a bit old fashioned, but that should be game shot. Oh and yes, your sons well being should dominate every decision you make for the rest of your life. "You give a little love, and it all comes back to you, la la la, lalalala".
 
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A kid having a depressed and moody father in a dysfunctional relationship is not a good thing. Many people I know who lived through parent separations wished it had happened sooner, if it was going to. That said, it's difficult to love someone else if you don't love yourself, and you really need to get your life back 'on track', so to speak. If it's very clear that that doesn't involve the mother of your child as a partner, then that is an option. Before potentially 'running away', you should try your best to confront issues, bring it up with her in a calm and rational way, discuss it all.

Overall, archaic 'stay together forever no matter what for the sake of the child' thinking has been responsible for a lot of unhappiness.

gettothechopper said:
get married
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And have another kid! You're unhappy because it's an odd number!
 
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