DELETED_5350

You knocked her up when she was 17, taking care of her baby and house is the only thing she knows and you want to change that.

Good luck mr responsible.

Oh and btw, she might be depressed as well from what you describe, of course you haven't taken that into account, have you?
 
**** selfish, its your life, live it how you want, plenty of kids grow up with divorced parents and turn out fine, a split parenthood is not an excuse for the kid to become a serial killer. As long as the kid is loved by both parents and gets plenty of time with them then they should be fine.

I know what you mean about the brick wall though, especially when it comes to jobs.

I've been with my lass 7 years, got engaged last month, but neither of us is ready for kids, my question is, why didnt she go on the pill or get the implant? my lass is on the implant and other than the occasional lack of sex drive, it's great
 
Book an appointment with relate and have a proper discussion about things and of course get a professional outside opinion, ultimately it is about your son but as people have said if your not happy then your son can see that and his perception of relationships will be they are unhappy. So sort things out first with you and your partner before it really does affect your son in a bad way.
 
smoove said:
First relationship thread on ocuk for me. Ecookie.

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and she fell pregnant when we were together only 9 months and our lil boy is coming upto 3 years old next year. We currently live together (if you can call it that), pretty much opposite my mothers house and her mums home is 5 mins down the road. I'm 26 and shes 21.

I go to work all day and recently started working some evenings, she just takes care of our son and does all mumsy stuff like cleaning/cooking etc. I've been trying to get her to get a job for several years, but theres not much interest from her if im honest.

I'm a pretty moody guy and I've had a lot of trouble with depression amongst other things, even before we were together, but as time goes on, I'm trying to claw my life back and push for a better life, but i just feel like theres a brick wall infront of me as soon as I think of my relationship/when I go home. It feels like my life just stops. This isnt a new feeling and has been there for quite a long time, shes quite aware of how i feel, but unfortunatley it only comes out at the wrong times, when we're arguing (which tbh, happens very rarley). I've/we've tried doing things together and promising to make an effort, but it just feels like its broken and I dont want to try and make it work anymore.

If im honest, just before she fell pregnant I was debating to end the relationship then, but I knew i had to do my hardest to make it work for my sons sake. I just wanted to be able to look back and say that I tried my hardest and didnt walk out when things got bad.

It just feels like we're just living with each other and thats where it ends. I'm trying todo new things, go out with friends (which i havent done properly in years), experience different places and if im really honest, i know i want to move out and live on my own to try and find myself and really see what it is to be me. I have told my missus my feelings a few times and she just begs me to stay and despite how sure i am at the time, i always stay because I know how horrible/guilty its going to be.

How can i walk out on my son, am i being selfish?
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You got her pregnant when she was 17 :o

Man up, you made him so you deal with him and his life.
 
Your son should be your 1st consideration, and it appears as if he is.

For him to have a happy and solid upbrigning needs you to be a father and the mother to be a mother. This can be done whether you are still togetehr or not.

If there's negative vibes in the house, whether visible or not, it suggest that will have an impact on your son.

I know many people who had kids early into a relationship and it simply didin't work out. In the cases where it's been dealt with amicably and like adults, their sons and daughters have now grown up to be nice young adults and have excellent relationships with both mother and father, just not under the same roof.

Hope you make the right decision whatever it may be.
 
Some time away from eachother may be just what you need, give you time to figure out what you want from the relationship and if you really want to be with her. Do you still have "relations" with her or has the relationship just become friends?
 
Mr Krugga said:
You knocked her up when she was 17, taking care of her baby and house is the only thing she knows and you want to change that.

Good luck mr responsible.
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Absolutely 100% categorically this.

You made her pregnant when she was only 17. This was a result of your actions. An effect of this is that her adult life has consisted of nothing bar you and being a mother to your child.

I'm sorry but your responsibility here goes far beyond you deciding you are bored with her and want something different from life now. I don't think, morally, that you get to make those decisions now. You changed her life and should stand by her.

Whether you might get bored and want something else is something you should have thought about before making a 17 year old pregnant when you were 22.

When you have a child everything changes - its no longer about you, its about your family collectively. Thats why many of us try our hardest to avoid having one in the first place, let alone with a girl who at the time would have been much less mature than you.
 
Your son is 3? Wait until he's 7. It's a beaut laugh. There's a lot of hard work with tots. When he can wipe his own arse and starts chipping in on the conversation, it changes everything. You don't feel anything for her, yet she has given birth to your son and appears to care for you properly, and want nothing more than to be with you. I think you need to have a good hard look at yourself. That guilt in your head is there to stop you from living your life like a pig, instead of a man.
 
smoove said:
I am trying to deal with his life, as well as mine, that is the whole point. I'm unhappy, shes unhappy, but there doesnt seem to be any love holding us together anymore.

Yes you are right when you say that grass is greener on the otherside, it does look like that to me, i want to be a happier person for my son, because i feel like im no use to him when I'm at home anymore. And my girlfriend isnt exactly jumping for joy either.
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Maybe she is unhappy because your unhappy.

Why would anyone be jumping for joy over you? You come home from work unhappy and a grumpy git, i doubt people will be doing back flips due to your arrival.

You say she is unhappy yet she has spent her entire time (in some of that time she was still a child) looking after your son and your house and cooking your food.

Sounds like you need to take a step back and realise how lucky you are, if anything she deserves the break.
 
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