Ah yes, he has depression.
Why couldn't the rest of us realise this after 3 posts.
DELETED_5350
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Ah yes, he has depression.
Why couldn't the rest of us realise this after 3 posts.
Soldato
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Good luck OP don't let her go like this http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepag...hristmas-and-its-paid-for-by-my-benefits.html
quoted for truth, staying together in a toxic relationship could be more damaging for the kid.
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The end of your relationship with your GF doesn't and shouldn't mean the end of the relationship with your son. If you really don't want to be with your GF then perhaps it may be time for you to both consider going your separate ways, especially if you're both arguing in front of him. But that's several steps down the road. You mustn't do anything rash though.
Find out if there's a branch of Relate nearby and go for at least one session together. If you're both honest with each other during that, then by the end of the first session you should have a good idea as to whether the relationship can be saved or not.
One step at a time IMHO.
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Sarcasm , the lowest form of wit! (if indeed that was your intention)
Soldato
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You need to sit down and have a frank talk. No arguing, no "GO ON THEN!" screaming matches. Sit down and talk. Decide what you can BOTH do to help heal the situation.
When communication breaks down this severely, things become dead in the water -- but all it takes is a little effort and understanding on both sides to get things back on track. If you're both able to come to an understanding of the problems but don't feel you can do it alone then arrange for some professional marriage counselling.
IF after that you still can't stand it, then it's time to call it quits and go on your own paths.
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Yes. The OPs responses to these responses seem to tell the story. "See what it is to be me". What's that exactly? A ****pig? So you've got depression, but you're getting better and stronger, soon you will be Freeeeeee. Have a lovely time with yourself.
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Associate
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smoove;20756643 Cool Breeze - yes i do have depression said:In which case I wish you all the best, I'm sure you'll find a solution that is best for you all.
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Associate
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Thats constructive!
Associate
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Strangely enough, it might be.
Holy crap! My family is fairly well off and I don't even think we've spent £3000 between the 3 of us. That is crazy! "I'm a stay at home mum" get a ******* job you lazy bitch" I get that she wants to spend time with her kids but why should she when the rest of us have to earn a living
A) You either need to accept that she isn't going to get a job, or discuss your finances and how you want your son's life to be (with or without mummy doing the most of the looking after).
B) Sounds like a lot of the issue is your's from what you've said. Start DOING things for your girlfriend, simple things like doing the clothes washing etc, stuff to help her. You'd be surprised how this can change things.
C) Why don't you do things with your son more? Your life should be your family (IMHO), you shouldn't need to 'find yourself' in order to be happy. I think finding yourself will only result in realising how much you miss your son.
D) Is this a financial problem? Are you in financial difficulty? Financial issues can REALLY destroy a relationship sometimes.
Can you please explain exactly what you mean by your 'life stops' when you get home? Because to me it's coming across as you being selfish. You've been at work (Which to me is kinda my time 'off' lol) .. but your wife has been looking after your boy and the house all day.
B) Sounds like a lot of the issue is your's from what you've said. Start DOING things for your girlfriend, simple things like doing the clothes washing etc, stuff to help her. You'd be surprised how this can change things.
C) Why don't you do things with your son more? Your life should be your family (IMHO), you shouldn't need to 'find yourself' in order to be happy. I think finding yourself will only result in realising how much you miss your son.
D) Is this a financial problem? Are you in financial difficulty? Financial issues can REALLY destroy a relationship sometimes.
Can you please explain exactly what you mean by your 'life stops' when you get home? Because to me it's coming across as you being selfish. You've been at work (Which to me is kinda my time 'off' lol) .. but your wife has been looking after your boy and the house all day.
B? Really? if this guy works all day and his other half is a stay at home mum, why the hell shouldn't she do all the house work?
Associate
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I normally despise people fraudulently on benefits, but to be honest, she kinda has a point. She also saved the money, was able to take care of her family. If she'd blown the money and got in severe debt this would never have been in the paper.
Unfortunately due to the way benefits work, with her being a single mum there is very little point in her working, she would probably be MUCH worse off. I'm not saying it's 'right', and I would personally be working if I were a woman and in her position... but what she is doing isn't 'wrong'.
But this is gonna wreck this thread.... so another thread needs to be created for this topic.
i am not a qualified therapist but i have felt low at times, though not depressed. my sister however, is a qualified therapist and she told me one of the simplest ways to help with a low feeling is to recognise what you are good at, master it and take enjoyment and fulfilment from it. this can be something as simple as being good at gardening, DIY, your job etc. i have a friend who is a master at online gaming, i personally think he's a bit sad because of this but heck, he's always chirpy because he takes fulfilment from it. it doesn't matter what it is but recognising what you are good at and realising and building on it, really does help.
Do yourself a favour grow up
What wrong with that I said? if you work a 9-5 and your other half is at home all day, why should you do the housework when you get home? you earn the money, you shouldn't have to do the housework as well
If it was the other way around and my wife worked all day and I was a stay at home dad (and hopefully I will be one day lol) I wouldn't expect my wife to do anything when she got home I'd have dinner on the table and everything
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Has he tried everything though?
1) He works.
2) She takes care of their son and their house.
Sounds pretty normal to me but let's assume that in a healthy family, all healthy adults should work. That's a problem to work on.
OP has been "trying to get her to get a job for several years, but theres not much interest from her". So he's failing to convince her to work but that does not mean she would not work if she had no choice. Maybe it's time to give her a choice between being employed or not being with you.
3) He's a "pretty moody guy" and depressed (or had been).
4) She isn't happy.
Does that mean their relationship is the root of their problems? It might as well be but it sounds like they have deeper issues that need addressing. It's obvious that a young adult like smoove, who was definitely not ready to start a family, is feeling that his life is not going anywhere. That certainly does not mean he has no future in the current situation, he just fails to see it yet.
At this point you made a concious decision to stay with her and bear all the consequences. I can see why you're feeling bad about it now but be responsible and don't give up.
Here's where you are, you're a working adult with a child, a place to live and a girlfriend that cares for all these (which is why she doesn't want you to go). Not meeting people or going out is your own fault. If you were to live on your own, work AND raise your son on your own, you'd most likely not have time for any of these. Now you have the comfort of somebody taking care of your son and if you need a break, you can always get it.
If you're just looking to **** someone else (to put it blantly), then I can't help you but think that's it is indeed selfish since there are more important things at stake.
I'm not saying that they have be together but they should at least try and work out their problems before giving up because it certainly seems that they both need professional help. You do not need to be with her if the relationship is making you too unhappy. It would be damaging to your family and its future so you might be better off spliting up at some point. Regardless of that, you should try and make sure that the lives of the three of you are on the right path.
Why you? You're the oldest, with the most experience and the one making decisions. And you're in the best position if you were to split up.
So get off the Internet smoove, get some counselling and try to make this family work together with your partner. I honestly could not care less about your relationship but bear in mind that any decision that you'll make we'll have consequences for the three of you.
I wish you and your family all the best.
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Correct. The point is the OP should appreciate the value of that. imo.