Divorcees - a question...

[Worthy]

Sorry to hear you’re still going through the wringer. What led up to the suspected heart attack?

 

[MouthBoy]

Just keep talking about it..

I also spiral in to this weird place were I think there is some omnipotent git up there just piling a ludicrous amount of bad luck on to see when I'll crack..

And you have a lot on your plate.. that's a lot to deal with.. I would however interpret 'normal' test results as intended and relax a bit until I've seen the GP.. they are the only ones who can give medical advice but the reason they immediately tell you 'normal' is to ease your mind (doesn't always work with me either!)..

The car is a pain because of the financials, but price up a battery, if that's not too bad then as we are in winter it's generally the battery giving up the ghost, but a local garage should be able to diagnose that very cheaply and my local garage can source/fit Yuasa batteries for the same price I can buy them.. it really depends on the car etc..

The heart thing is another pain, but on the flip side having a once over monitoring session is a useful insight and can rule out a lot of hidden stuff that can be easily treated, so definitely worth embracing IMO.

Thanks for the advice mate. The car I have bought a new battery for, which arrived on Sunday, but not had the energy to fit and sort out yet. Hoping the alternator is fine as this saves me a lot of money.

 

[MouthBoy]

Sorry to hear you’re still going through the wringer. What led up to the suspected heart attack?

Either, a shed tonne of stress... which would be expected given my year, or an undiagnosed heart condition. Waiting on GP/Hospital to arrange a 24hr ECG to try and capture anything.

 

[Diagro]

What was her reasoning for wanting a divorce?

 

[MouthBoy]

What was her reasoning for wanting a divorce?

I don't know. She never said other than she was unhappy. I have ideas, but they do upset me if true. 15 years together married for 10.

 

[ShadowMan]

Sorry you are going through it and the world is just beating down. It can be tough but you are dealing with each thing as it comes.

As for her reason. You will never know. Even if she told you it probably wouldn’t be the full truth. I’ve heard so many different reasons I gave up as none of them match. They have to justify it to themselves.

The reality is they are unhappy. They blame us for that. They run. I see it as a lack of accountability and a disposable modern world where friends and the media promote a life that doesn’t exist and they chase it.

Never beat yourself up about the why. It’s not worth the thought processing time.

Here is hoping 2025 is so much better for all!

 

[SpellowHouse]

I am not sure how to really word this, but how long did it take you to adjust after everything settled?

Just after Christmas my wife asked me for a divorce. I initially moved out to a friends house, bought a house and last week moved in. I thought I was doing fine (mentally speaking) but last week it all just hit me what had happened, and its hit hard.

We were together almost 15 years and married for almost 10. We have a daughter together too. I really thought I was going to be fine about it all, obviously upset, but god it has hit me this last week. My friends say all the stress of buying a house and then finally getting the keys, alongside all the divorce stuff and also my job being very full on right now probably just got to boiling point, and so it all hit me at once last week when I was physically exhausted moving in.

A good friend told me that I was not myself the last few months and everyone has been worried about me, checking on me all the time etc. I didn't notice at all until last week when its just like all my emotions, and this is the only way I can actually describe it, just turned back on. It is so painful. It is like I just blocked it all out, went on autopilot to get everything sorted, and now 99% of what needs to be sorted is sorted, my mind has turned autopilot off and I am dealing with it all.

I know I have a lot of challenges ahead of me, and I am thankful I have good people around me to help, but still - how long did it take you to adjust?

Does any of that even make sense? Sorry if it didn't. I don't usually make these sort of threads.

I think the real problem is the massive change to your life. Not so much why, just what. An illustration of this is the way that people in abusive relationships actually go back. Better to have some partner and continue life, even if it's terrible, than have no partner and suffer massive upheaval. You need time to forget and time to make a new life. Every time you do something you once did with your partner, it's a reminder, and it's going to hurt. It's very similar to the death of close relative. It's the change that causes the problems.
Anyway, could take several years, I am afraid. You have to build a new life and anything that happens, like moving in to a new house, is going to set you back. But don't worry, you will get there. Time is the cure because it allows old memories to become less pressing than new memories.