I have both
Do you charge your children "keep" or rent? Do/did you pay it yourself?
- Thread starter jaybee
- Start date
Never paid any rent to my parents. I did however contributed towards bills shopping etc.. My parents never once mentioned about how to spend my money, it just came naturally. Over in time you just adapt.
I will never ask my kids to pay rent etc.
Why? I just find it absurd that you have to charge them something to live under your roof? And the idea kicking them out as soon as they turn 16/17 is baffling.
Why have children in the first place, if you’re already thinking about charging them rent for discipline reasons, so they can get their own place asap.
I would rather enjoy the time that they are at home, cherish the moments. Be a family, have a strong family bond, have fun together. Because once they eventually move out, you won’t see them as much.
I will never ask my kids to pay rent etc.
Why? I just find it absurd that you have to charge them something to live under your roof? And the idea kicking them out as soon as they turn 16/17 is baffling.
Why have children in the first place, if you’re already thinking about charging them rent for discipline reasons, so they can get their own place asap.
I would rather enjoy the time that they are at home, cherish the moments. Be a family, have a strong family bond, have fun together. Because once they eventually move out, you won’t see them as much.
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Soldato
It wasn't "rent" when I gave money to my folks. It was contributing towards my keep.
Why wouldn't I want help when I was earning a wage?
Should I have just kept eating/keeping warm/getting my laundry done/having a roof over my head for free?
Man of Honour
What an absolutely disgusting and degenerate mind!As soon as your daughter is able to obtain an OnlyFans account, her income will dwarf yours
I used to pay my dad £150/month iirc. When I got a job after uni I just volunteered to pay it, just seemed the right thing to do but also meant I could pick a number I was happy with rather than him either coming up with a number I wasn't happy with, or being too embarrassed/unsure to ask for a big enough sum. IIRC that was about 20% of my net pay.
To play devil's advocate, I suspect across the child's lifetime they are still in arrears. I guess my take on it though is, when a child is a child, that's the parent's responsibility so you can't really hold any of those costs against them, given you chose to bring them into the world.
Man of Honour
Did you read anything I posted?
I didn't have kids unfortunately, 1 of my biggest regrets in life. If I had, I'd probably charge rent or "keep" as we used to call it, but only if they could afford it. I paid my mother £30 per week so I'd probably ask for about that. Just enough to cover food, electricity, etc.
Commissario
I always paid towards the housekeeping when at home, never a question about it, or a quibble as I knew I was getting a bargain compared to renting somewhere.
If you've got adult children living with you then I don't see anything wrong with having them pay at least something towards the upkeep of the house, especially if for example you're also feeding them or giving them access to things like the car.
Sure don't charge "market rate" but once they're adults they should in general be at least contributing* if they can and have their own money coming in.
*Things like helping do housework, maintenance etc counts, and in doing so they'll hopefully learn skills that help them (I learned basic plumbing, DIY etc doing things like helping my father fix stuff around the house).
If you've got adult children living with you then I don't see anything wrong with having them pay at least something towards the upkeep of the house, especially if for example you're also feeding them or giving them access to things like the car.
Sure don't charge "market rate" but once they're adults they should in general be at least contributing* if they can and have their own money coming in.
*Things like helping do housework, maintenance etc counts, and in doing so they'll hopefully learn skills that help them (I learned basic plumbing, DIY etc doing things like helping my father fix stuff around the house).
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Depends on how long ago you were paying that, prices have gone up?
It's been years but I think I'd still charge about the same tbh. I always said to my mum I'd pay you more but she'd never accept it, in fact she said u don't have to give anything but I always did.
Sounds like you learnt the life lesson very quickly.
Soldato
No,, it’s just what we seem fair, if they don!t like it they can move out, lol. Nothing in life is free when your a adult!
Edit, we also took rent when they was claiming dole money, after all they need to learn the value of money and cost of living, and yes we are a close knit family.
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Soldato
At what point would you classify them as an adult child?
Not that I have children of my own, but I have lots of nephews and nieces.. now all over 18, some have children of their own and some have better paying jobs than I do. I still like to treat them, it’s my choice. Some insist that they don’t and stops me buying them stuff, some will hand me the money for their part of the meal or transfer it to my account without even saying anything.
One or two, normally the youngest of the siblings still thinks it’s normal for someone else to pay for their meal. Their older brother or sister would foot the bill, if they went for a meal together.
I would go with when they over secondary/college age and earning money, as a simple way
Soldato
I still think having age as a factor is a flawed approach as the main purpose to charge for board should be to help the person develop.
Different scenarios calls for different rates… imho.
moving back home after or to sell their house… getting charged extra +.
moving back between rentals, getting charged to encourage them to move back out.
moving back after a failed relationship where they are mainly at fault.. getting charged.
moving back after a failed relationship that wasn’t their fault… zero charge until they are mentally back on their feet.
moving back to give or receive medical care… no charge if possible
Moving back after financial difficulties.. no charge until they feel financially stable, then I would keep the costs to a minimum to get them back in their feet asap.
Staying longer than expected because of education.. zero charge
Staying longer due to failure to launch a career.. zero charge to start with, certain job careers are harder to start, certain people have a harder time finding the “right” start.. but if your not working in a job, then you’re working around the house.
Staying at home and working in the family business.. capped salary.. and let it be known.
I think a lot also depends on the relationship parent and child has.. even if your charging only to help them save the money or educate them, the child may not see it as that way.
I may not have paid board during my time when living out home, but I feel that I helped my parents out enough with “chores” and financial during my time living at home till now.
Caporegime
Sounds to me like you just don’t want your kids living at home full stop.
Soldato
I think you are taking it too literally, the mechanism most apply is to gently help wean their kids from being passive no income no responsibility children to adults with responsibilities. Note that many who do this, in hindsight appreciated their parents when they did this to them and saw the positive of it (for them).
Some do it purely on responsibility, i.e. they want to ensure their kids don't just slack around at home and not do anything, i.e. to pay rent you must obviously get a job, getting a job is a step to responsibility..
Some do it for financial responsibility reasons i.e. as a gentle way of instilling just one thing, you have to pay bills first, then the rest is spending money..
Some do it for a bit of both..
The thing is, it's relatively a crapshoot how your kids will react when going from being a 'child' in school with no income and not being allowed to drink (by law
) to suddenly having loads of disposable income and throw out in a world with a lot of potential responsibilities thrown at them, access to drink and being in a cohort that are all finding out together (AKA down the pub!)For those that do it, charging rent is just a gentle nudge.. its hedging your bets as a parent, there are very very few downsides to charging rent that don't require being equally or more condescending to your children.
You could just do nothing of course, pay for everything and just roll the dice, that's valid, you say it worked for you and you got on in life successfully without any prompting, so good on you..
I think on both sides, anyone lecturing the other to say their parenting approach is 'wrong' is deluded.. you quickly learn that no matter what you do, however well meaning it may not turn out as you expect.. parenting is tough at times!
If I look around in work, we have all well meaning parents, with a variety of styles and crucially a wide range of outcomes.. but nothing correlates..
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