Don't know how to feel or what to do

Your at uni, go out get drunk and get laid and you'll soon forget about gaming. It may not help your study but at least you'll have gotten laid.
 
Housey may be putting his points across in a kind of harsh manner, but the bottom line is that he is right. I know this because back in my GCSEs I used to be a lazy arse too - all it took was the blunt words of one science teacher in the School I was at to hit home, from that point onwards I bucked my ideas up and got on with my work. Now here I am at a Russell Group, Red Brick University studying Physics and obtaining 1st Class degree marks in many of my assignments.

You can do the same, it just takes blunt words from someone else and effort on your part - and if you're not willing to put the effort in, then don't expect to obtain good grades. What's the old saying? "Garbage In => Garbage Out".
 
elmarko said:
I hate to break it to you but this does not constitute advice, saying 'just focus' isn't likely to be the spurring pearl of wisdom he may be seeking.
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It does constitute advice in this case - OP knows he has a problem, knows what it is and how to fix it - evidenced by having sold his XBox 3 times because it took over his life.

It's all he needs to do and he knows it, thread was apparently posted so he'd get that confirmed by a load of people and be encouraged to get his arse in gear.
 
Sometimes people have to learn the hard way... No one is going to be able to help you. You have to help yourself. Perhaps studying isn't for you. We would all like to find a job that we like, but in reality how many people actually like their jobs? How many people have a complete change of career halfway through their lives?

Cleisthenes said:
I get pretty big mood swings over the smallest of things sometimes and i've thought that I might be a bit autistic at times because of my obsessions and I am pretty pedantic about a lot of things.
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Sounds like me, but I don't dwell over it. I complain, I sulk, I shout, I cry, I laugh, then I just move on and get on with my life. If you constantly sit there thinking about what's wrong and what could have/can be done, then you're just wasting your time and things/people will just pass you by. Stop thinking, start doing.

I have no sympathy for you. Stop feeling these feels and start living your life the adult way. Tell you what, quit the studying and get a full time job then you won't even have (much) time to play games. You're wasting your time (and your parents/lecturers) time anyway seeing as you're not making the most out of your studies. Just remember that there are so many kids in this world who would love to study but don't have the opportunity or money to do so.
 
Cleisthenes said:
I'm a 2nd year student studying economics and just got 30% for an assignment that I thought I did ok in. This has brought back feelings from a levels and gcse's that just make me feel depressed.
I've always played games since about the age of 8, and I have always had a bit of an addictive personality towards them. In fact, i've always had an addictive personality towards a lot of things. I just get hooked on a subject and it will dominate my life for the next 6+ months. Over my gcse's is was Call of duty: modern warfare 2, and over my a levels it was just video games in general. I got mostly B's and A's for my gcse's which should have all been A's and I got BDE at A level which should have been B's at least.I just constantly let myself down my creating these obsessions.

Right now I play way too much smite when I have work to do. About 6 months ago my obsession was pc's hence why i'm on this forum, that dominated my time then, often stopping me from socialising as I saved my money for other things.

Because I keep letting myself down, I feel like i'm letting my parents down as well as they have given me every opportunity.

Currently I should be applying for placements as part of my course, but I just do other, pointless things instead. I want to get into the banking sector but feel like i'm never going to get myself there, feel like there's no point trying as i'll just end up getting a **** degree and because I have pretty **** A levels too i'm never going to get a job that I like.

I get pretty big mood swings over the smallest of things sometimes and i've thought that I might be a bit autistic at times because of my obsessions and I am pretty pedantic about a lot of things.

I've given myself such high expectations of myself I just can't fufill them.

Feeling pretty lost to be honest. Was just wondering whether anyone else has had an experience like this and whether you could suggest what to do to try and put myself into a better mind frame so as not to throw away every opportunity i've been given.
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Been there. In a worse situation now to be honest, but I can offer some advice.


1. Feelings are separate from thoughts.

So instead of dwelling on your feelings, you need to think of them as completely separate entities, put the feeling to one side, and THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. For example, "Hooray, this is just the result I need to get me to REALLY focus on my studies from now on." That doesn't have to mean it's going to be tough. Try to make it as enjoyable an experience as possible because this really helps with productivity, motivation, speed, accuracy and ultimately success. If you can, find someone on your course to talk to. Being in a study group helped me immensely.

The general cycle of a self fulfilling prophecy is Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results. They can gradually start to turn negative and become a vicious cycle. Often the best way to break the cycle is to start with the thoughts, which will hopefully lead to more positive actions and outcomes.


2. You will experience fear, stress, pressure. Try not to let it steer your course.

For too long I have been driven by fear and associated pressures. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. The more driven by it you are, the more it will dominate every aspect of your life, to the point where your comfort zone shrinks to nothing, and you become incapable of holding a conversation or stepping out the door.

At university, a bad mark was enough to make me buckle and run from my course. I would emplore you to explore this deeper, to understand exactly why you're doing something and why. Running away doesn't solve a thing. Facing your problems and doing something about them makes you feel 100 x better, even if it's just small steps at a time.


3. Dig down deeper.

Digging deeper means you really focus on the problem and think about it long term. I can guarantee you that every successful person does this in reality. You need to be planning, planning, planning everything in advance. Got an assignment to do? DO NOT wait until 2 days before the deadline to get books out the library. You need to stay on top of things as much as possible, University is not like school - it is RESEARCH DRIVEN. Too often I would do poorly because I simply had not invested the time or the patience to really read around my subject, or to even absorb the meanings of the questions properly. How on Earth are you going to get good marks if you don't spend the time digesting the material properly, so that you understand what the questions that they are asking you ACTUALLY mean?
The more you plan in advance, the more it cuts down on moments of panicked realisation where you suddenly find yourself in an unbearable situation that you can't possibly cope with. Listen to yourself - that twinge of anxiety? It's time to do something about it NOW because otherwise it might get worse later on.
Bear in mind doing a degree is a psychological endurance challenge of coping with deadlines, bad marks, interesting living arrangements, etc etc. as well as the actual academic work. They will intentionally put you under pressure. And nothing which is easy is worth doing.
Also, look at the study methods that your are employing. If there's a more efficient way of doing something, try that way too. Learning by rote by looking at past papers is a classic way of passing exams with high flying marks. Even the guy doing Hamiltonian and Langrangian dynamics will tell you this. It doesn't all stem from being a clever sod, a lot of it stems from learning via repetition, and following instructions. Any monkey can do that. (I should know, I did that module too, and I didn't particularly enjoy it either :)).


4. Nothing is perfect.

You've built yourself up so high that you can't possibly fulfill you expectations. So what? Does that mean you have to give up completely? No.
Depression results in very black and white, irrational thinking. Take little steps in the direction you want to go - having started, you might decide to stay the course, you might decide to take a break. But IT WILL BE BETTER THAN HAVING DONE NOTHING AT ALL. It's the five minute rule. Tell yourself you will at least look at something for five minutes, tops, when you're ready. It often helps if you can do it sooner rather than later in the day.


5. Just because you've done something, doesn't mean you have to keep doing it.

Obsessions, addictions, bad habits, escapism, excuses. Self discipline is a mother. But you need to do it and develop into a routine that you can follow. It gets easier. You've simply developed some bad habits (and bad thinking habits at that) with your gaming. Once you set something in motion, and start to practice it daily, it eventually becomes part of a routine that you tend to follow automatically. Often the first step is the hardest. Coax yourself into taking that first step and the rest should follow. Get obsessed and addicted to doing something useful! Persist and persevere.


6. See a GP, or the University counsellor, which should be free.

I never bothered when I was university. I imagined it to be something akin to failure. I would KILL to get this treatment for free now. Talk about your feelings, it will allow you to take some time out, they should be able to offer compassionate advice in return. You might even need the happy pills if you have a condition which is chemical and is ruining your emotional wellbeing.


7. You can choose how you react to external happenings.

You're not a failure, you made one tiny mistake, you've recognised the problem, now you are the most powerful you've ever been because you can choose what to do about it, and YOU can choose to ACT to change it. It's not like you're too stupid to recognise a problem. That's got to be an empowering feeling.

8. Stop drinking/smoking/drugs. Try exercise. Seriously. Even if it's just jumping up and down for twenty minutes to some youtube video in your bedroom. It offers a mental break, apparently the endorphins are meant to flood your body and wake you up a bit, and again, it's better than not doing it. Even five minutes of lifting some weights has a pretty positive effect on the mentality.

Seriously, forget about everyone else, and think happy thoughts. You'll be amazed what difference it can make. You'll realise that you felt like you were drowning, but all you needed to do was lift your head up a few inches above the surface and feel better. It's not as bad as you think/feel.
 
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As echoed by others when you eventually get into the world of work you will have all the spare time you want to waste on PC games. I skipped going to uni and went into the world of work and ended up with a good job earning 25K at 24 years old without anything other than GCSES and had plenty of time to waste.

I have gone back into education after saving up some money and its a whole world of difference, you realise how much hard work pays off and how applying yourself for a few years can really pay off for the rest of your life, (whether it helps you directly get a job or not). Just knuckle down and know that its only for a few years.
 
I completely agree, knuckle down; if you need to focus and work every night to get the grades, do it. It is a simple matter of self control.

(I say this, having a final year exam in about 12 hours :p)
 
kindai said:
Have any of them helped me in my job? Not the slightest, common sense rules the real world...
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Good luck getting shortlisted based on the line "I iz well common sensed.".

Degrees and experience allow sorting of applicants; Human Resources and Job Recruitment panels are ruthless, bored and often uncaring. Make it easy for them.
 
RedvGreen said:
Good luck getting shortlisted based on the line "I iz well common sensed.".

Degrees and experience allow sorting of applicants; Human Resources and Job Recruitment panels are ruthless, bored and often uncaring. Make it easy for them.
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He's right though, there is a fundamental level of psychological common sense and sociology to interviews and interacting within the workplace. It's not enough to have the theory worked out in your head but never apply it.

I bet an interview panel, either consciously or unconsciously would respond better to someone who is uber-self-confident and has some omissions rather than someone who ticks every single box correctly but comes across as nervously incompetent, and can barely stammer out an example of how they took charge of the team. There IS and will always be an undertone of common sense and socio-psychological discrimination regardless of how you much you try to legislate it away, even if it's just a smile, or holding your head up higher a few mm, down to what you're wearing. None of which might have any bearing on how you would perform in a daily role or how the image of the company might be portrayed as a result. Hire the best actors, the best performers, the best liars.
 
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OP like you I too was addicted to playing games throughout my GCSE's and A-Levels. It was Enemy Territory for my GCSE's and then COD4 for the second half of my a-levels. I got mostly A's and B's at GCSE and only got BCD at A-Level.

That should have been straight A's and then straight B's at A-Level. Consequently I am now 2 years behind where I really wanted to be because I have had to work for two years in full time employment to get to where I am now.

What I'm saying is, those grades aren't fantastic and you have to be truthful and admit that to yourself. But your degree is your opportunity to turn that around. Knuckle down and get on with your degree and park the games. Sell your rig/console if you have to. Just make sure you get that 2:1 and it wont be the end of any career aspirations you may have. You might have to be realistic and push some dates back a little, but if you truly want to get there you can do it.
 
Robosapien said:
He's right though, there is a fundamental level of psychological common sense and sociology to interviews and interacting within the workplace. It's not enough to have the theory worked out in your head but never apply it.

I bet an interview panel, either consciously or unconsciously would respond better to someone who is uber-self-confident and has some omissions rather than someone who ticks every single box correctly but comes across as nervously incompetent, and can barely stammer out an example of how they took charge of the team. There IS and will always be an undertone of common sense and socio-psychological discrimination regardless of how you much you try to legislate it away, even if it's just a smile, or holding your head up higher a few mm, down to what you're wearing.
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You missed my point - you wouldn't GET to the interview stage without the (hopefully genuine) qualifications that roles demand.
 
RedvGreen said:
You missed my point - you wouldn't GET to the interview stage without the (hopefully genuine) qualifications that roles demand.
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Very much agree with this. I've interviewed for a fair few companies for a grad role and my qualification puts me past the first stage. As it's 100% irrelevant to the jobs I am applying for I usually have to justify it but it's worked out thus far, 3 job offers :)
 
Housey said:
FFS, stop being a dweeb and focus. This is the time of your life you can ***** up the wall and set out on a career of bars and telling the world how you could have been a contender, or the time of your life where you do it right and build something special. Bin the boys toys and get amongst it and if you can't, stop finding reasons to blame and find yourself a comfy seat in that bar!
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As brutal as it may sound, this really is what you need to realise.

If you want to do well, then do so. I was in your situation at A-level; didn't work nearly hard enough, cruised through and got some pretty crappy grades, well below what I know I was capable of. I got to uni and realised that wasn't what I wanted, so I put the work in. I didn't let any excuses get in the way, and I came out with a 1st class degree in chemistry, in one of the top few in the class, as well as a CV full of extra activities and jobs to use as experience, as well as a placmement year with one of the largest companies around. Now I'm on a PhD in the area I've always wanted to get into.

So, decide what you want, and make it happen. If it's what you want, you won't need to worry about excuses. It really is just a case of getting your priorities straight, and actually doing the work. People overcomplicate it way too much, but what's actually stopping you closing the game and doing more work? Nothing.

It's doable, and completely worth it! Make the most of your time at university. Get the degree you want, make some of the best friends you'll get, and just make sure it's a memory to look back on with no regrets!
 
I disagree, being brutal typically just makes someone feel worse, and hence more unlikely to succeed (although I recognise shock treatment might work in some cases).

There is no reason why any of this has to be an unpleasant experience, or involve 'knuckling down' - it can be highly enjoyable, so long as the work gets done. It doesn't have to be 'all or nothing', it doesn't have to be the pressure of 'succeed at this or ruin the rest of your life'. There is life, success, dreams, happiness, business, career after a degree believe it or not, it's a big world out there.

Encouragement simply doesn't work that way, and what the OP needs is some simple non-fear driven positive motivation for getting off the games and back into academic mode, after a bit of a one-off **** second year module result. OP, it's the third year that counts most anyway, so forget about that result and nail the rest and you should be fine!

What he doesn't need is the internet forum using it as a platform for individuals ego-boosting at his expense. (Which is pretty pathetic really.)
 
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Robosapien that's for your responses, very helpful

Also thanks to everyone's else who have been constructive. I think in a few days when I get MM access I'll be putting my gpu up as the first stage of getting rid of games. I've spoken with my sister about it and she thinks I know what I need to do, I just need nudging into the first step. Hopefully this will improve my work ethic.
 
Decide what you are doing tomorrow and write it down, then go to bed. Tomorrow you stay up until you've done it. It really doesn't matter what 'it' is to start with.

You do this long enough and you'll find sticking to the task at hand becomes second nature.
 
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