Family dispute incoming

what is a surprise is the mother dwindling her estate while she's still alive. Maybe she wanted to drop the continuous rent payments and make it simple like a forward inheritance. She's probably pre-planned how she will divide to you. I guess she didn't tell you as it was her financial arrangement. The pitfall for her is if you now turn hard-up and want something, she's gonna have to dwindle her estate further. Like in theory if she wanted a 1m house, her and her husband have earnt it and she can do that. But she's decided to forgo that option. I guess you have to see knowing as a strength, but to not do anything with that.
 
Let's wrap this up then.

A - OP will have an adult conversation with his mother and/or sister.

B - OP will not do anything with the varied but useful advice given in this thread.

I'm rooting for A.

e: and you know what, thinking about self-reflection and so on, yes I was being an ass yesterday @potatolord . Apologies. Do the right thing dude, whatever that is for you.
 
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[FnG]magnolia said:
Let's wrap this up then.

A - OP will have an adult conversation with his mother and/or sister.

B - OP will not do anything with the varied but useful advice given in this thread.

I'm rooting for A.

e: and you know what, thinking about self-reflection and so on, yes I was being an ass yesterday @potatolord . Apologies. Do the right thing dude, whatever that is for you.
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Nice one Mags! Very big of you and I'm rooting for A too.

Now, what have you done with the real Mags or blink twice if you are being held against your will ;)
 
[FnG]magnolia said:
Let's wrap this up then.

A - OP will have an adult conversation with his mother and/or sister.

B - OP will not do anything with the varied but useful advice given in this thread.

I'm rooting for A.

e: and you know what, thinking about self-reflection and so on, yes I was being an ass yesterday @potatolord . Apologies. Do the right thing dude, whatever that is for you.
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Ta. More joy in heaven over a repentant sinner and all that.

I'm doing A. I had a brief chat with my wife about it earlier.

What happened to the "tribute" thread someone posted- that's vanished without trace, and my response to it is likewise gone?

Thanks for the advice @Raymond Lin , @ivrytwr3 , @BowdonUK ,@adidan, @413x and a few others. Thanks for the challenge @kindai. Thanks for the support @SexyGreyFox . I appreciate that, chaps- the sign of a good and helpful community.

I'm not replying further to this thread until I've had "the chat", and will update then.
 
potatolord said:
Ta. More joy in heaven over a repentant sinner and all that.

I'm doing A. I had a brief chat with my wife about it earlier.

What happened to the "tribute" thread someone posted- that's vanished without trace, and my response to it is likewise gone?

Thanks for the advice @Raymond Lin , @ivrytwr3 , @BowdonUK ,@adidan, @413x and a few others. Thanks for the challenge @kindai. Thanks for the support @SexyGreyFox . I appreciate that, chaps- the sign of a good and helpful community.

I'm not replying further to this thread until I've had "the chat", and will update then.
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Good lucks and whatever you do, don't let this to drive a wedge between you are your mother.

The most I would go is say that you are disappointed in her not trusting you telling you sooner. Not disappointed in not getting the house. I mean the sister lives in there anyway for the past 15 years rent free, it's as good as her's to be fair, and you are not going to kick her out or ask for for 50% if you get half are you? But that is a moot question now anyway.

(and if you do have your eye on any more inheritance, then being angry and have this to create problems is not the way to do it. Right now, I think everyone else is content at the situation, except you. So the sooner you settle this in your head the better, since it isn't an issue with anyone else.)

and good luck.
 
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ivrytwr3 said:
Housey, you're a smart, level headed guy - you're correct, but that isn't the issue. The issue is that none of this was discussed with the OP. All he has been told is his sister has either been given or sold a £300k house.

What's your thoughts on how this has been handled?
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I'd be annoyed if my mum lied to me in such a manner, but I would also ask myself why she felt she needed to.

I am not entitled to their money is my mindset, in fact I have told both my parents (long divorced but still around in their 80's) to live their lives and spend it on themselves. I am an only child so have a likely chunky inheritance, but that is a bonus and not part of my personal retirement plan.
 
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Housey said:
I have told both my parents (long divorced but still around in their 80's) to live their lives and spend it on themselves.
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The only problem is some don't listen.
My Mum worked her fingers to the bone after my Dad left in 1986 to keep her bungalow on and had 3 jobs (I didn't know this).
My Sister at 15 worked 3 small part time jobs and gave all her money to my Mum (I didn't know this).
When my Sister left home she still contributed to the bungalow (I didn't know this).
Over they years my Mum has found it hard and me and my Sister repeatedly told her to get something smaller but her answer was always "I've worked so hard for my kids".
She's had many marriage offers but wouldn't take any of them because no man would ever get any of her kids inheritance.
Some parents are like that and the above explains why I believed I was getting nothing.
My Dad married another woman and on his death I inherited loads of music instruments.

We have signed our house over to the kids, it's all legal and done properly.
We will probably spend all our cash on holidays though.
 
I have a SIL, who gets approx 800-2000 per month handed to her by her father.
She also has a job.
My wife and I, get nothing. (Yes he helps if I ask, but its a rare occasion).

I'll mention it when the time comes, and let the lawyer dig through all the transfers over the previous dozen years. And have it removed from any inheritance when it's calculated.

That's my plan anyway.

If she argues, I'll tell HMRC. I think they would be interested in all the extra income.
 
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Diagro said:
I have a SIL, who gets approx 800-2000 per month handed to her by her father.
She also has a job.
My wife and I, get nothing. (Yes he helps if I ask, but its a rare occasion).

I'll mention it when the time comes, and let the lawyer dig through all the transfers over the previous dozen years. And have it removed from any inheritance when it's calculated.

That's my plan anyway.

If she argues, I'll tell HMRC. I think they would be interested in all the extra income.
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If it's a pattern of regular gifting then it's exempt from tax. Also by asking for it to be included in the inheritance calculation you could end up inflating the value of the estate to the point where iht becomes due/increases.
 
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