Feeling left behind

DotFifty89

DotFifty89

DotFifty89

Associate
Joined
24 Dec 2010
Posts
433
Location
Anglesey
Hi guys, any of you in the same sort of position as me, and know how to overcome it?

im a 24 year old male, and used to be fairly outgoing with 4 of my close friends. 3 years ago I met my girlfriend and have had a baby we also now own our own house, I love them both very much and im happy in the relationship. But, I have also turned my back on all my friends, haven't done anything with them for around 2 years, I work nights Monday to Friday, and enjoy spending my weekends with my little family.

I had also deleted all of my social media account around 2 years ago, but very recently iIlogged into facebook to have a look at my old school class friends profiles, and noticed everyone pretty much has either travelled the world, been out many great looking days and nights, and have thousands of photos of it.

Were as I, have met my girlfriend and had a baby. I wouldn't change them for the world. I just feel like that's it for me, I have missed the opportunity to do all the amazing things that everyone else has done.

I understand that its never to late, but I never have any money to do things and hardly ever any time to myself.

I just feel lonely, I have no friends, the only people I have to talk to is my girlfriend and hers and my parents.


Is there anyone else in the same boat?
 
You need to make some time for yourself and just set aside some time for your friends. I'm sure they'd welcome you back into the group if they really are your friends.
 
Your boat doesn't seem bad from where I'm sitting :) In 10 years time you'll be as old as me, and you won't feel "old" (because you won't be). You'll then be able to do all those amazing things with your family.

It's also very likely that your idea of "amazing things" will change over the next decade. But at 34 you'll still be in good shape to do most of what your friends are doing now (assuming you aren't talking about drug-fueled orgies in Thailand, that is ;))
 
imo your put on this planet to procreate, my life was the usual socialising etc

i only started to really feel as though i had done something when my daughter was born

jobs, friends, holidays etc come and go, a family is for life enjoy it, feel proud you are supporting a little family and enjoy it while they are young as they grow up so fast i miss my little girl now :(
 
Sadly it is kind of what happens when you have kids, you dont really get to do the things that people without commitments can, not that its all bad, just different. I personally don't want kids yet at all but everybody is different.

Its easy to "look" at someone elses life on facebook and see all the highlights, you dont however see all the dead time inbetween and all the trouble/issues a person might be going through as that isn't generally publicised on facebook!

just make the best of what you have, try and do more activities with your wife, maybe try and meet up with a few old friends or something and spend a bit of time with them just to get a bit of variety.
 
Stop thinking about what you don't have or haven't done and think about what you do have! So many people dream of having what you have got. The grass is rarely greener on the other side. And look on the plus side, you've had a child at a fairly young age. Means that when they are old enough to leave the house you won't be too old to enjoy not having to care for a child.
 
Mason- said:
Stop thinking about what you don't have or haven't done and think about what you do have! So many people dream of having what you have got. The grass is rarely greener on the other side. And look on the plus side, you've had a child at a fairly young age. Means that when they are old enough to leave the house you won't be too old to enjoy not having to care for a child.
Click to expand...

most people these days stay with their parents until low twenties though
 
Did you bother to keep in contact with any of them in that time?

I've had similar happen to me so I'm going to go off in a little tangent / rant here, but I cannot fathom how people completely cut contact or just seemingly don't give a **** until it suits them. If people actually cared, how hard is it to send a text message? It takes roughly 20 seconds to send a text to see how someone is, ask how their life is and have a bit of a catch up if its been a while. People will respond now and say "Oh, you don't know how they've been so busy with a wife, a child or whatever else" but realistically how tasking it is to spare 5 minutes of your day to reach out to someone and keep on good terms with them? Hell even 5 minutes per week is enough. People automatically assume you have to go out for a big night out to catch up, but even just reaching out and talking to someone over Facebook or text is enough to show them you care, and then meet up when you get chance even if it's not that often, they would understand.

My ex best mate for example, I'd still consider him a friend, however since he only bothers to talk to me roughly twice per year since he got married, I don't consider him even a good friend any more. I've tried keeping in contact with him on multiple occasions, I'd send random texts to see how he is, get maybe 1 or 2 responses before it goes dead, and only when it's coming up to either of our birthdays is when I'll be graced by another message. I'm honestly thinking about just giving up with him completely now after 14 years of being best friends because I'm fed up of it.

I believe people that just cut contact because they have a wife and child are a complete waste of time to try and befriend again, may be harsh, but it's my opinion. Maybe I just don't "Get it" because I'm not married and I don't have kids, but I doubt that if I did I would just cut contact with everyone else to spend all of my free time with them.

People will say "If they really are your friends, they'll understand", but if you really were their friend, you wouldn't have cut all contact with them in the first place. It does work both ways believe it or not, despite what some people may think.
 
Aedus said:
Did you bother to keep in contact with any of them in that time?

I've had similar happen to me
Click to expand...

Goes both ways. When the usual routine breaks down due to life changes you need to make an effort, both of you, it's retarded to expect all effort to come from the person who's life has changed.
 
Why did you delete your social media stuff?

Surely if you were too busy with a newborn and stuff to actually go out and meet people for a few months this would be a handy way to keep in contact.
 
Doesnt matter what you do buddy. We all die and it doesn't matter how many times you have flown around the world. You will cease to exist so none of it matters.

Life of a party me.
 
I wouldn't give a damn about what you see on facebook if I were you. People just put things on there to make it look like they have some sort of amazing life. In reality it's usually a lot more complicated than that.

I think that people enjoyed what they had a lot more before facebook came along because they weren't having the edited highlights of what other people were up to rammed down their throats in real time or x amount of times per day. It almost makes it feel like a competition to see how much rubbish you can get up to just so you can put it on facebook to make everyone else jealous.

I stopped with the whole facebook thing ages ago because it just felt like effort to me, and people that I was happy to have left behind in my life starting trying to add me on there. It can be good for socialising for a certain extent, like keeping in touch with family and that sort of thing, but if you find that looking on there makes you unhappy in any sort of way just get rid of it.
 
Dave M said:
Goes both ways. When the usual routine breaks down due to life changes you need to make an effort, both of you, it's retarded to expect all effort to come from the person who's life has changed.
Click to expand...

Of course, I explained my situation in my post, by no means did I say or imply all effort had to come from one party, because even in my example it's clear I made plenty of effort even though it was my friends situation which changed, however there's only a certain amount that people will be willing to reach out to someone until they get fed up.
 
I sorta felt the same as you for a long time. We had our 1st surprise when I was 24, I was no more ready for a kid than a trip to the moon. Before I knew it the party days were over and plans I had to go places/see the world were firmly put on the back burner.

I had friends travelling to the states, going to festivals and all the rest of it. Truth be told I did feel like I was missing out on a lot.

That wee surprise is now 11 years old and has a 4 year old sister too. I honestly could not be happier when I take a sneaky look at the 2 of them just being themselves, it literally fills me with pride. My eldest is a sensitive sole while the young one, hmm how do i put this? we're in trouble with her :D

The weirdest part about it is that things have went full circle, we are now the ones that have left everyone else behind, we have a family, a home and so on. A lot of my old m8s are living a life I wouldn't want to live at 34.

As others have said, when your kids are up you are young enough to live life to the full while all your mates will be changing nappies :)
 
First of all... You shouldn't be getting married until your 30's and you definitely shouldn't be having kids until your 40's. Remember, it's not your age that counts, it's hers. You're only as old as the woman you feel.

That said, we already have a horrible problem with the fact that you have a girlfriend and a child. What doozy...

Shall we start with the understanding that you do all the normal manly things such as farting, scratching yer baws and absolutely never cleaning the house?

I get the impression that you actually like the woman and her child...this is a tough one...

If you want to enjoy the rest of your life, you're going to have to be comfortable with lying to your other half. I can help you, but you must commit...
 
i was 28 when my daughter was born i was still scared then but its the only great thing in my life now, shes 6 and shes amazing and my entire motivation. Before she was born i was a stoner and i went from dead end job to another one without a care in the world where my next meal was coming from.

since she was born i took life serious i had someone else to look after so i manned up and got promoted a few times.
 
Last edited:
If they haven't been in contact with you in 2 years then they're probably not the best friends to have kept anyway. Although I suppose they could say the same about you. I think it's important for people to have a life outside of their home life, particularly someone as young as yourself so whilst no, I'm not in the same boat as you, I would suggest you have a think about how to get a balance in your life where of course you have your family but you also have your mates. It certainly doesn't have to be one or the other.

Just as an aside, if you remove yourself from a social space then you shouldn't be too surprised when that social space evaporates around you.
 
Friends and socialising are extremely important. Your best friend is your wife but you need to get back in touch with your friends. It doesn't have to be expensive. And take your wife along too. Women need friends too.

You know whats making you unhappy. Only one way to fix it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom