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Sounds like the relationship will go far...
Feeling left behind
- Thread starter DotFifty89
- Start date
Sounds like the relationship will go far...
Who cares what other people have done as everyone has different taste anyway. Some people enjoy backpacking to see as many places as possible, whilst I prefer a 5 star hotel and luxury in comparison.
Your family is far more important than any of that superficial crap anyway. The people that often appear to have "amazing lives" from the amount of rubbish they stick on social media are pretty much always wanting what you have by their 30s anyway.
Your family is far more important than any of that superficial crap anyway. The people that often appear to have "amazing lives" from the amount of rubbish they stick on social media are pretty much always wanting what you have by their 30s anyway.
Not necessarily
We both said if either of us ever want kids would have to break up. Obviously children isn't something you can compromise on.
It's something both people need to agree on tbh
- Joined
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OP, I know its tough, but a couple of points I'd make:
1: Some people are in the same position as yourself, sans a girlfriend/a child.
2: Some can't have children when they would love to.
3: Some are old, you are young
4: When your child is grown up, you'll still be young. You'll have the energy to be a great dad. This is something overlooked by lots. You'll have a lovely life of having gone through the children thing, with the money and time of being older. I know lots of people who had children late and have less energy and time now they're older.
5: You have the ability to change.
P.s no marriage?
1: Some people are in the same position as yourself, sans a girlfriend/a child.
2: Some can't have children when they would love to.
3: Some are old, you are young
4: When your child is grown up, you'll still be young. You'll have the energy to be a great dad. This is something overlooked by lots. You'll have a lovely life of having gone through the children thing, with the money and time of being older. I know lots of people who had children late and have less energy and time now they're older.
5: You have the ability to change.
P.s no marriage?
I'm in exactly the same boat, except the culture is different where I am and nearly everyone has a family started in their early 20s. What will your friends lives be like in 10-20 years though? I'd say you have it backwards and they are being left behind. What will their retirement be like when pensions collapse and your only support is your kids? There's plenty of old friends I know, 30+ years old and still working at bars, binge drinking, facebook narcissism, trying to out do each other with trite holidays to 3rd world destinations, childless, no car, sharing flats or living with parents... perpetual adolescence.
To be fair though I believe a lot of it has to do with the outrageous cost of UK housing. Most people simply cant afford to start a family so they spend the money instead on rather immature pursuits. Phones, video games, tattoos, drugs, holidays, going out, etc.
BTW I sort of feel there is a bit of a conspiracy to promote this perpetual adolescence by the media. Look at shows like Community, Workaholics, Big bang theory for example... there is a peter pan theme to all of them.
I am in exactly the same boat but I am 28. I met my 'controlling' girlfriend 5 years ago, turned my back on my friends. Gave up my job when she became pregnant due to problems.
Now my daughter is 3 and I feel the effects. No friends, No money and no socializing at all. Everyday is a struggle, I should walk away and RUN! but i just plod along.
Look forward to spending time with your children, take them out to the park and be the best daddy ever.
Now my daughter is 3 and I feel the effects. No friends, No money and no socializing at all. Everyday is a struggle, I should walk away and RUN! but i just plod along.
Look forward to spending time with your children, take them out to the park and be the best daddy ever.
do the opposite of this if you are ugly.
even better get a good career start.
money > attractiveness increases 10 fold
Soldato
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- Sussex, UK
You got your girlfriend knocked up young, now you are dealing with the consequences.
Grow up and get on with life, get a baby sitter and take your partner out, do you have nice grandparents to dump baby on while you go on holiday?
I suppose baby could go on holiday too...
You got your dick wet now you are a grown up.
and get a nursery placement and tell your missus to get a job so you can afford to go on holidays days outs.
although my sister has like 5 kids and doesn't work, her husband died not long ago before anyone starts.
but she's out with the kids almost every day even if it's just to the park or some local kids activity
to many parents just sit in the house watching TV complaining about it being boring day in day out
This. Social media can be a dangerous thing for the mind to look at.
People will do there very best to make it look like their life is wonderful/better than everyone else's, when in fact it could well be the opposite.
Just do what makes you happy and try not to give a **** what everyone else is doing.
Soldato
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- 24 Mar 2014
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- Inverness,
i am feeling left behind, but in a different way. All through school I was reclusive due to a lot of bullying, lashing out at a lot of people and never really lived that much, only really experienced adventurees on the rare holidays my parents took me on,
even more so after leaving school, I have little to show for my 25 years
- 2 KP jobs, waste of time and terrible pay
- a year or 2 in macdonalds, a stepping stone onto better things
- 7 months at sea as a deck cadet - quit due to chronic gastritus (4 months of it)
- couple of years in morissons cafe - again cleaning ... ugh
- 2 years in IT tech support, new but terribly paid.
I feel like I have wasted many years of my life doing nothing, buit I am working my way out by doing my course and will hopefully get a job that pays me so I can live and not just survive.
my advice is to get out there, reach out to your old friends and see them from time to time. Catch up over a bevvy or 2, no need to get to get ****** just talk and catch up.
I am sure a few of them will appreciate hearing from you after all thiis time, I am also sure some of your friends will be curious as to how you are and will be understanding as to what you have been doing all this time. Even if they aren't you can always make new friends. Worst case scenario, you have the good folks of OCUK GD
even more so after leaving school, I have little to show for my 25 years
- 2 KP jobs, waste of time and terrible pay
- a year or 2 in macdonalds, a stepping stone onto better things
- 7 months at sea as a deck cadet - quit due to chronic gastritus (4 months of it)
- couple of years in morissons cafe - again cleaning ... ugh
- 2 years in IT tech support, new but terribly paid.
I feel like I have wasted many years of my life doing nothing, buit I am working my way out by doing my course and will hopefully get a job that pays me so I can live and not just survive.
my advice is to get out there, reach out to your old friends and see them from time to time. Catch up over a bevvy or 2, no need to get to get ****** just talk and catch up.
I am sure a few of them will appreciate hearing from you after all thiis time, I am also sure some of your friends will be curious as to how you are and will be understanding as to what you have been doing all this time. Even if they aren't you can always make new friends. Worst case scenario, you have the good folks of OCUK GD
Soldato
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- 19 Jul 2013
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- derby
the eyes of social media
its just full of fake smiles and people posting what really is just a normal boring day and hyping it up too make themselves seem awesome
when in reality they will be looking at your real life with family and genuine happiness with jelousy
its just full of fake smiles and people posting what really is just a normal boring day and hyping it up too make themselves seem awesome
when in reality they will be looking at your real life with family and genuine happiness with jelousy
Social Media is a soundboard for cries-out-for-sympathy, pathetic rants, immature comebacks, falsified half-truths and bravado.
It is essentially worthless unless you are a sponge who believes it as gospel or are just seeking some amusement.
Concerning your situation, you have 1 child; that isn't a huge problem - one of my ex-colleagues had 4 kids by 24. His life was totally ruined due to wife not working, 4 kids drains time and huge amounts of money, and he was stuck in a dead-end job barely able to let ends meet. He often had to work in IT Support all day (0800-1730) then do taxis and IT Support at night (1800 - 0000).
It is essentially worthless unless you are a sponge who believes it as gospel or are just seeking some amusement.
Concerning your situation, you have 1 child; that isn't a huge problem - one of my ex-colleagues had 4 kids by 24. His life was totally ruined due to wife not working, 4 kids drains time and huge amounts of money, and he was stuck in a dead-end job barely able to let ends meet. He often had to work in IT Support all day (0800-1730) then do taxis and IT Support at night (1800 - 0000).
It's very much easier to think the grass is greener these days because of social media.
Everyone has their own issues hidden behind glossy photos of nights out or exotic holidays abroad - whether that's stress from work, looking after the kids, money worries, loneliness or a combination thereof.
You've got a child but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself. You need to make more of an effort and plan ahead - to book a babysitter, or to arrange a family member to look after the little one every now and then but you absolutely have to make time for yourself, your partner and your friends otherwise you will eventually get frustrated.
Everyone has their own issues hidden behind glossy photos of nights out or exotic holidays abroad - whether that's stress from work, looking after the kids, money worries, loneliness or a combination thereof.
You've got a child but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself. You need to make more of an effort and plan ahead - to book a babysitter, or to arrange a family member to look after the little one every now and then but you absolutely have to make time for yourself, your partner and your friends otherwise you will eventually get frustrated.
Best advice I can also give has also been mentioned. Don't evaluate your life based on views from social media.
It's all attention seeking and showing off.
People tend to only put the highlights of their life up, making it seem like their life is one big party full of great things (which all tend to be over exagerated anyways)
To the few that put their troubles up, they are just attention seeking. Probably exaggerate this to to up the sympathy.
You're 24 with a lovely baby, great gf and a house. Most peoples life ambitions are to achieve this, and many never succeed. You've made it in my eyes. When the little one is all grown up you will be early 40's. Plenty time then to travel the world, do what you want, etc. The bonus you want to hear? You will have the money to do it all properly, bigger and better than you could ever of dreamed at ~20.
It's all attention seeking and showing off.
People tend to only put the highlights of their life up, making it seem like their life is one big party full of great things (which all tend to be over exagerated anyways)
To the few that put their troubles up, they are just attention seeking. Probably exaggerate this to to up the sympathy.
You're 24 with a lovely baby, great gf and a house. Most peoples life ambitions are to achieve this, and many never succeed. You've made it in my eyes. When the little one is all grown up you will be early 40's. Plenty time then to travel the world, do what you want, etc. The bonus you want to hear? You will have the money to do it all properly, bigger and better than you could ever of dreamed at ~20.
You're the one who has achieved things, they are being left behind, your child will become more independent , your mortgage will reduce, your jobs will change.
You will end up in a much better position, sooner than you think.
Consider things that you are building for the future while they are frittering time away.
You will end up in a much better position, sooner than you think.
Consider things that you are building for the future while they are frittering time away.
Soldato
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- 1 Dec 2003
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- 3,540
regarding OP, facebook is a blessing and a curse
it has made me depressed in the past because I was constantly comparing myself to others, thinking my life was carp because so and so has done this and so and so is getting married etc etc
its not healthy but at the same time if you are not on it you can miss out on things, because so much is organised on it now
what I've done is tailor it so I don't see anyones posts, but I can still use it to speak with people on private messages, or if something is organised I get the invite
its a hard one to get right, you are lucky to have a family, something I don't have and not sure I will. you will always have them. as you get older you will see less and less of your mates anyway and you'll be glad of your family. at the same time if you never have time to yourself it can cause tension and you can feel lonely as such
try and rekindle some old friendships, or if not start some new ones. are you into any activities? there's a group for almost anything these days. I'm slowly trying to make friends with a cycling club I've joined.
best of luck
it has made me depressed in the past because I was constantly comparing myself to others, thinking my life was carp because so and so has done this and so and so is getting married etc etc
its not healthy but at the same time if you are not on it you can miss out on things, because so much is organised on it now
what I've done is tailor it so I don't see anyones posts, but I can still use it to speak with people on private messages, or if something is organised I get the invite
its a hard one to get right, you are lucky to have a family, something I don't have and not sure I will. you will always have them. as you get older you will see less and less of your mates anyway and you'll be glad of your family. at the same time if you never have time to yourself it can cause tension and you can feel lonely as such
try and rekindle some old friendships, or if not start some new ones. are you into any activities? there's a group for almost anything these days. I'm slowly trying to make friends with a cycling club I've joined.
best of luck
Soldato
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- 9th Inner Circle
Advantage of having kids early is by the time all your friends have theirs, yours are old enough that you've got your freedom back.
I feel this way sometimes also, though I keep in touch through whatsapp group messages and facebook.
I go to events that happen during the day and have some time off work, night times are just too rough with teething etc to expect my wife to cope by herself.
For example, I went paintballing for my friend's 26th and also meet them every now and again for a sneaky pint at lunchtimes.
That's about it though, I do feel left out, especially when I don't get invites to things then see it the next morning on facebook.
But if they'd invited me, the answer would only be no, and you learn to appreciate that.
I go to events that happen during the day and have some time off work, night times are just too rough with teething etc to expect my wife to cope by herself.
For example, I went paintballing for my friend's 26th and also meet them every now and again for a sneaky pint at lunchtimes.
That's about it though, I do feel left out, especially when I don't get invites to things then see it the next morning on facebook.
But if they'd invited me, the answer would only be no, and you learn to appreciate that.
Could be worse mate, you could be single while all your friends are becoming the same parental figure over and over...
Not arsed about kids and that and I think everyone dies miserable OR deluded. But still, it's a pain to see mates lost to being parents.
Not arsed about kids and that and I think everyone dies miserable OR deluded. But still, it's a pain to see mates lost to being parents.