Feeling left behind

All too often I see cases of depression and anxiety as a result of this very same thing, social isolation usually the result of a relationship or children.
 
scorchisio said:
i was 28 when my daughter was born i was still scared then but its the only great thing in my life now, shes 6 and shes amazing and my entire motivation. Before she was born i was a stoner and i went from dead end job to another one without a care in the world where my next meal was coming from.

since she was born i took life serious i had someone else to look after so i manned up and got promoted a few times.
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Energize said:
All too often I see cases of depression and anxiety as a result of this very same thing, social isolation usually the result of a relationship or children.
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I can relate to both these statements. My surprise happened at 32 so I did a reasonable amount of the party / travelling but no real direction. Since the lad arrived in 2011 I've had several promotions in work and am going for another interview this Thursday.

That said I think both my partner and I find it hard and stressful as we are 'shift parents' so I work all day come home she goes to work. We see each other two nights a week and one weekend day (she works the other) also as are not from UK we have no support network of grandparents, uncles, aunts.

I am happy with my life but sometimes I feel very lonely. That said my son is 3 now and we have a lot of fun particularly because everything is fascinating to him.

Finally I guess I still have good friends. Some still party some doing the kids house thing. But we def do not spend anywhere near the time we did together in my early to mid twenties.
 
Yes mate.
I disappeared from facebook about six months ago- had a bit of mild depression (not after violins from anyone) and was getting fed up of everyone going on about how great their lives were.
Endless posts about exotic holidays, 'best boyfriend in the world', baby pictures and general fun, while I sat home feeling like the last manky grape in the fruit bowl.
I too should have done more with my life, but sitting here now I realise that things ain't too bad. All social media does is give people a portal to boast and embellish to try and impress others. I bet half of them aren't having as great a time as they say they are.
I don't have many good friends- I'm not a sociopath by any means, but I am quite happy with my own company.

Some people need social interaction to function, some less so. If you really want to kick your social life off a bit more, you have to get yourself out there- I find that things don't come to you, you have to go and get them.
But I know exactly what the OP means...;)
 
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When your kids are grown up and you are still young you will have the lifestyle you will love, and be the envy of your friends who left it later. They will be close to retirement age when their kids are grown up.
Enjoy your life, think of the positives of your situation and reap the rewards of being young with your kids.
Just think, you will be able to keep up with your kids as they grow and be that fun dad.
I had my first kid at 30 and I wish it was earlier. No one is ever ready to be a parent, but I would love to be in your situation!
 
You're life is yours to live how you, just because your school friends went travelling doesn't mean you need to, if you want to by all means add it to your list. The thing about travel is you're never to old.

I went travelling when i was 18 (first time) and we met so many different people on your journey. There were people like us, on honeymoon, with kids (8+ years) and those in there 60's-70's...

If you want to travel you're never out of time.

Friends wise, look at it this way: You won't be the only one (of your friends) thinking this.. I'm sure some of them would appreciate the contact as much as you would.
 
Rich1988 said:
Its easy to "look" at someone elses life on facebook and see all the highlights, you dont however see all the dead time inbetween and all the trouble/issues a person might be going through as that isn't generally publicised on facebook!.
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this is really worth highlighting, pretty much any ones life looks great when they get to audit what people see of it
 
I know u know it this already....but u should have severed/neglected ur friends. Me and my familie do a lot of activities with my friends and their wife and kids. I really feel u have missed up a lot and i think dont its ever late to start again. Wish u luck
 
Some of my 'friends' have done this and I say good riddance to them.

Either they have had kids, got married, bought a house etc. and the minute they did it was like they cut off all contact with everyone. Fair enough if you can't come on a night out or something but its really not hard to reply to a text message even if its to say something like "sorry, looking after little billy tonight"

Then there are some friends which have all the above and still manage to find time for an occasional night out, food somewhere or even holiday
 
OP, you say you work nights. Have you considered changing career/jobs so that you have more sociable hours? That might free you up for time with old/new friends, and you might get to spend more time with your family? Hell, you might get better pay and be able to have a little holiday with the family!

It's always a risk to change jobs, but usually a risk worth taking.
 
IMO your biggest hurdle is working night shifts as your friends are likely on the opposite rotation (i.e. available in the evenings). Weekend time should be family time. I have a family the same as you, and my social times is in the evening when they've gone to bed.

Being socialable while working nights is pretty difficult.

Don't compare yourself to others on social media though, people only post the positive / interesting things. You have a wonderful family, consider the wonders you've experienced there (the magic of first steps, talking etc).
 
Stop working night shifts. They are the domain of the weirdo and poison to a healthy social life.
 
I've noticed it as well since my daughter was born. We were the first in the group to have a baby and have been slowly phased out since then. I don't think deliberately. We simply can't be going out all night drinking or heading off at a moments notice. TBH though, I'm 32 now, I had my fill of the sex, drugs and rock'n'roll lifestyle in my twenties so I'm quite happy at the direction my life is now heading.
 
Facebook is the worst thing ever imo
I just don't look anymore.
It's usually people boasting or wanting attention

Kids must change a lot. I don't really want kids myself as it's just something not for me (hard to find girls who really think same) but if you want a family etc you shouldn't worry about others

But I am 28 and also just think I'm in too much of a routine tbh.
I don't want to go out and get hammered but I do want to do/see more with holidays and weekends etc
 
Only 23 and the hangovers I get from nights out are already starting to put me off going out, and the amount I can spend. Get myself in a good state mentally, have one night out and it can take me till mid week before I feel normal again.

Even if I do stop going out I do enough other stuff with my close friends to never feel left behind, once they start getting married or having kids it could all change though.
 
al4x said:
Kids must change a lot. I don't really want kids myself as it's just something not for me (hard to find girls who really think same) but if you want a family etc you shouldn't worry about others

But I am 28 and also just think I'm in too much of a routine tbh.
I don't want to go out and get hammered but I do want to do/see more with holidays and weekends etc
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I felt the exact same a couple of years ago in my late 20's. Didn't like kids, certainly didn't like babies and wanted nothing to do with them. Then my wife became pregnant, she was delighted, I pretended to be. Your opinion changes real fast though when you looking at your own child. Everyone said that to me too but I didn't believe them. How wrong I was!
 
Brian18741 said:
I felt the exact same a couple of years ago in my late 20's. Didn't like kids, certainly didn't like babies and wanted nothing to do with them. Then my wife became pregnant, she was delighted, I pretended to be. Your opinion changes real fast though when you looking at your own child. Everyone said that to me too but I didn't believe them. How wrong I was!
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My gf hates kids and would be a really bad mum lol.
Me.. I'm just complacent and would forget to do stuff like feeding etc
And the money issue too. Would be OK if I was with someone on similar wage to me. But not my gfs wage
 
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